Okay people, seriously do you SEE this photo? (***Photo was accidentally deleted, but trust me, it was ginormous. About three inches in diameter.***) Do you have any idea how large this spider actually is? Huge does not begin to describe it. This is a wolf spider. I take it back. It wasn't a wolf spider, it was a wolf monster.
I grew up in Montana, in an old parsonage because my dad was a pastor (yeah that's right, I was a preacher's kid) in a tiny little country church. The house was over 100 years old. It had the biggest barn spiders in it. I can remember waking up, and seeing a dark spot on the wall, and knowing instinctively what it was. Then I'd go running into my parent's room, screaming for help. (They really enjoyed that. Kept 'em on their toes.) Then they would tell me that "Age nineteen was a little old to continue carrying on like that, and for heaven's sake get back to bed and let a body get a good night's sleep!!"
So today, I was moving a table in my garage, when I spotted this thing. I screamed, threw the table across the garage, and started reaching simultaneously for my camera and my cell. I think I texted and called my husband about seven times back-to-back. (I'm really sorry honey.) Then my old neighbor pulled in. So I yelped to her for help, because I was paralyzed with fear, and couldn't move. She came over to take a look, and said something like "Wow. That thing's huge." Then she left and I cried and called the fire department. Oh I'm kidding. I couldn't leave, because then I wouldn't know where IT WENT!
My husband finally excused himself from his luncheon client, and called me back, most likely thinking that the house was on fire. He didn't even chuckle- he just said very calmly, "Honey, get a hold of yourself, and grab the bee/wasp killer. It shoots from 30 feet away, so just spray the heck out of it."
Then I actually heard laughter. It was the wolf monster.
So I went for the big guns. Some pump-action insect killer that says it will kill everything, including small rodents. (Liars) There was more laughter at my expense from the arachnid, and I just couldn't take it anymore, so I tossed the kids in the car and squealed my tires as we raced from the garage.
When Adrain returned home from work, hours later, he dutifully pulled everything out of the corner in search of the bad boy. I stood a safe 40 feet away, wringing my hands while observing anxiously. He didn't find the spider, but he did find TWO egg sacs. He made mincemeat of them while I cheered with my pom-poms in the corner. He sprayed everything down and left it until after dinner. He went back out for one more look-around and finally found the spider moving very slowly... Then he nailed that sucker!
Who's laughing now?!