Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Cold, gripping fear... Not.

We have fully thrown ourselves into the adventure that I posted on recently.  And in the grip of this adventure, we immediately made changes in our lifestyle, found a less expensive home, put our house on the market and are now waiting to see what God plans on doing with all of it.  Of course, I've done all I can do, by obsessively cleaning every square inch of this place, and saying, "What if ________ happens," to Adrain every five minutes.  I even wrote down our address in my prayer journal, just in case God forgot which house I'm asking for Him to sell.  (And yes, I do know God doesn't forget...I'm a goof, and I'm pretty sure He expects that sort of thing from me at this point.)  I've also baked multiple batches of Manipulative brownies, and then gone room to room with them, waving them around to get the scent all over the place, before our open house.  Adrain stood there laughing at me and thankfully didn't know where I was hiding the camera. So, now we wait. 

I'm really bad at waiting.  As in... I don't like to wait at all. I'm super decisive and act immediately once I decide on something, with no regrets and I don't look back.  I just go.  I'm married to a carbon copy of that.  (He's my polar opposite on everything else.  He's calm, I'm high strung.  I brake for Peanut Butter, he throws it in the trash.  That sort of thing.)
So as we stand around and wait... the excitement factor begins to wane, and I start to panic.  I'm really good at panicking, whereas my man doesn't panic. It makes me sick, but I also really appreciate it. So anyway... this journey.  I'm fully on it, and my emotions are all right under the surface.  It's emotional leaving the only house your babies have ever known.  Their little hand prints in the patio we poured back in 2004... sob!  You mean I'm going to walk away and leave that?  (It's okay... I'm alright.)
Fear grabbed my ankle and wouldn't let go.  And then I went to the orthodontist and started flipping through a magazine.  That's when I landed on a page with a beautifully decorated room, and a large piece of art hanging on the wall.  It was a print of a storm, and at the bottom, in large letters, were the simple words, "Fear Not."  my breath caught in my throat, and I hiccuped back a sob.  Once home, I found this verse in my devotions.  "You came near when I called you, and you said, Do not fear." Lamentations, 3:57.

I don't know how this is all going to play out.  I'm excited one minute, and filled with faith, and completely  filled with doubts, the next.  But we've had so many answers to prayer that I've begun writing them down.  It's pretty clear that I'm not supposed to be afraid.  

How about you?  What are you fearing, that you need to surrender, and trust God for?
Up next?  Click here to find out!


Angie said...

Oh Sasha, I can relate to the feeling of full of hope and then the next minute full of fear. Right now our only hurdle is financial. Making sure we can stay in our home. It's at the point where it is in God's hands and his hands only. I go back and forth between being 100% ok with whatever happens to "What If..."
Hang in there!!

Home's Where My Heart Is said...

I read just last night that God says in each and every book of the Bible to not be afraid. This must be where faith comes in, because oh my gosh, it's way easier said than done.

Hang in there girl, He has a plan, He always does :)


Heather K. said...

It is always comforting to know that we are not alone. It seems that God's plan for you is not only a change in your physical life but also spiritual. Trusting without fear is soooo hard but I think you will be just fine :)

The Flying Bee said...

Well, for me it's always about my son. He is going to junior high and I just don't know what to do. It's hard for a normal kid to deal with, but one with autism...yikes!

I have been praying about this day for 2 years now and I know that God has heard every prayer and he knows exactly what to do. I just have to wait and trust. It's scary, but the one thing I KNOW is He is in control.


~Kristen~ said...

Awww, you don't have to leave their little handprints behind. Go to Michael's or some other craft store, buy a package of air dry clay, knead it and smooth it, then press it in their little handprints on your patio! Carefully lift it out and set it aside to dry for about 24 hours. You CAN take them with you!!! :-)

Farmgirl Paints said...

I just love you so much Sasha. It's all gonna work out. You are turning your life over to the Father's work. How could it not? Trust, wait and marvel at how His timing in everything is perfect!

Kearsie said...

Ok, I'm pretty sure that you forgot to type:


at the top of this post.

Ann-Marie Boyles said...

Our stories are similar in so many ways that I know God has led me to your blog. My husband and I have made many life-altering changes within the last two years as the Lord led us into missions. I will not try to sum it all up here, but I urge you to go to our blog which chronicles the highlights.


BTW, we have also read the book by K.P. Yohman and it changed us. Have you read RECKLESS FAITH by Beth Guckenberger? AWESOME

Please let me know if you stop by the blog. God Bless :)

Supermanslady said...

Fear is definitely one of Satans favorite tools to use!

Praying for you guys. That the house sells quickly and to just the right person! :-) And God blesses you for your immediate obedience to his call for changes in your lives.


Julianne Hendrickson said...

What an incredible post. We all fear so much, daily, that we do not share for fear of being vulnerable. I am a fairly confident person on the outside, most would say. But, on the inside I am filled with doubts over silly things and serious things. For example, I fear I will let our puppy eat something that will kill him and I fear that I will not live up to the potential others have set for me in my job. I love when God literally speaks to us through scripture. I love keeping a prayer journal, such a great way to continually praise God for all the answered prayers.

MamaMonki said...

We're in the process of trying to have another baby - we've been trying for a little over a year now. Our first son was born due to the miracle of IVF and we were hoping not to have to go that route again.... but it looks like we might and I am so afraid it won't work... but I'm working on the "Fear not" factor.

Thank you for reminding me to be brave. I'll be thinking of you and praying that your house sells quickly.

Flower Patch Farmgirl said...

Why am I only now learning that you and I are on the very same exact identical (get the picture?) journey? Girl. This is what I call confirmation.

Jewls said...

I went through all of these same emotions with adoption. I knew it was right, but people would make comments and I'd have moments where I would just feel so scared and worried. In the end, God always comes through!

So excited for you guys :)

leigh ashley said...

hi sasha... i just stumbled accross your blog and wanted to let you know 1. i love your header! so cute. and 2. i am a total worrier. it's so hard to continually be positive. i know i'm new here and this is cliche, but everything will work out. keep your head up.

Nancy said...

Wow.. what a journey you are on, girl! I just love how God gave you Fear Not in the ortho office. He will speak to us anywhere, right. I am thinking of you right now. What am I fearing/trying to control all by myself (which never works)? Right now, my burden is parenting. New issues. New challenges. Trying to do it myself and guess what... it doesn't work myself. BUt, with Him, it is possible. Thank you for a fabulous post.

LuLu said...

You need to pop on over for that Mojito and we can calm our fears...
What an adventure you are headed on and i find it so inspiring.. keep blogging your way through it. After reading about your big changes my small change about switching schools for my children seem so minor but i'm stilled gripped in fear. I'll keep the faith it'll all work out, thanks,

janenes said...

We listed our house two days after you listed yours--and I'm not anxious, just prayerful that God either definitely opens or closes the door. In my heart, I feel like maybe we should stay put--the house I really liked is in escrow--with someone else. I am letting my husband lead because usually I'm a control freak in the finance category. . .but I'm turning over a new leaf and seeing where HE leads us. Keeping you in prayer and going to read that book!!

julie said...

wow! i am impressed! good for you on your changes! try not to worry! i know easier said then done but you know He will take care of you! cant wait to see what He has in store for you!

ps. i need to be listening to my advice! hehe!

Lissa said...

this is soooo good!

Seizing My Day said...

When I struggle with fear often. regularly. ok. daily I repeat this verse to myself and then play praise and worship music ... it calms my anxious heart =)

Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in EVERYthing, by prayer and petition, WITH THANKSGIVING (what!) =) with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the Peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Thanking Him for his perfect plan in the midst of things that are hard to trust ~ crazy~ but peace comes. it really comes.

now if I could just stay there in that mind set, that beautiful thankful for EVERYthing place with God ~ every minute of every day I'd be set! =)

timeoutmama said...

Fear Not! Five years from now, you will look back at this experiance and be so grateful of the outcome! :)

Julie Harward said...

What a sweet message..just for you. I am like you, I make my mind up quickly and surely and move out! We went through what you are going through 4 years ago...I prayed and listened and cried and prayed some more....When the time was right, it all fell into place perfectly! And it will for you too. Be patient, have faith, his time is not our time. Come say hi :D

Kristin said...

Amazing Sasha!

Zephaniah 3:17
For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."

You are precious and faithful and I admire you so!
fear NOT!

Dandy said...

My future employment. But I've come to terms with my present situation and I'm riding this thing called life until I have a plan.... or one drops in my lap.

Joybird said...

I love that you wrote your address down in your prayer journal to "remind" God. It makes me think of a story I heard Beth Moore tell. She said that whenever her mom would pray for one of her kids she would tell God their full name and adress. Maybe she too wanted to remind God of exactly who she was praying for, in case He got mixed up. Don't you think we make Him giggle?