Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Facts and Feelings

(FYI, my photos are from some recent home school field trips, and don't really relate.  I just liked them.)
I want to begin by saying how much it meant to have all the support on my post yesterday.  This has been such a weird season of life for us, and I so appreciate being able to share and be raw.  Anyway.  I tend to go through life pretty much ruled by what I'm feeling at that exact moment.  (Apparently, that's not how everyone does life.  This comes as a shock to me, daily.)  I thought you might enjoy some of the revelations that I've come to terms with, on facts and feelings.  One hundred and twenty days  ago, as I began this leap of faith, (not that I've been counting) I had a lot of feelings.  Only I thought they were more like facts.  Um. Cold, hard, evidential-types of facts.  Over time, I kept bumping my head against the actual facts, which caused me to realize that what I thought I knew, I didn't really know.  Weird. 
Feeling: When I said, "I wanted to give til it hurt," I had something in mind that I was willing to give.
Fact: It's usually the one thing you're secretly pretending doesn't need to be given, that's going to be required.  The one thing I couldn't let go of, seemed to be the only thing God wanted.  Hence, the hurt. (Somehow this took me by surprise.)

Feeling: When you hit breaking point, life ceases to go on.
Fact: The reality is, when you hit breaking point, life just keeps going, because breaking point doesn't really exist.  If it did, there would be nothing after that.  Which is why we have prayer, girlfriends, and dark chocolate. (Pretty much in that exact order, too.)

Feeling: When God is silent, it must mean that He doesn't care about what you're going through.
Fact: His silence is intentional, and can't be interpreted by our finite minds. So don't try. You'll just hit breaking point a lot sooner, and need more prayer, girlfriends, and dark chocolate.

Feeling: If I'm willing to jump in faith- the most rock bottom of faith I can imagine- that will most assuredly motivate God to move on my behalf.
Fact: God does His own thing when He wants to.  He isn't on anyone else's timetable, and He doesn't need motivation from me to do what I want Him to do.  Let me say that again: He does what He wants, when He wants.  Learning that early, might save me a lot of breaking points in my future.   

Do you tend to go by feelings or facts?  Can you relate to any of the feelings I've struggled with? 

...The journey continues.  Come along with me while I get a good pruning from the Master pruner.


  1. I can relate to ALL of the things you have gone through...I think God might just be writing these posts through you just for me. :)

    Don't we always make it all about us!

    I needed this truth....praying that the truth overwhelms the feelings for both of us.

  2. Wow, your post gave me goosebumps. I can totally relate and feel a similar season in my life these days. Leaps of faith are just that...leaps! Letting go of control and trusting...why is it easier said than done? :) This post (and blog) is such an inspiration to me! Keep going, God is cheering you on (and so are we!).

  3. Sasha dear, did you say that you do, in fact, like dark chocolate? Is this not a turn-around for you? Didn't it used to be loathsome to you? Am I completely off my rocker? Don't answer that.

    But, you see, at one point long ago - and Google is failing me now - I thought you said you didn't like dark chocolate. I shook my head in disbelief and muttered "And I thought I knew her" and went on as best I could knowing full well in our heart of hearts we really were soul sisters, dark chocolate or no.

    But is it so? Is it really true? Are you too a lover of dark chocolate?

    Ahem. You have every right to call me shallow and dimwitted. I'm okay with that. Carry on.

  4. I can completely relate. God has been teaching me, or at least trying to teach me, those same exact lessons over the last couple years, with the last 14 months being particularly painful. It's really rocked my world, my thoughts, my feelings, etc. And when I can take a minute and step back and look at things, I know that it's through all the pain and the yuck that He's maturing me and changing me. All good things. But man! Does it ever hurt. And I'm kind of tired of it, to be perfectly honest. :)

  5. "If I'm willing to jump in faith- the most rock bottom of faith I can imagine- that will most assuredly motivate God to move on my behalf."

    I have thought this more times than I care to mention. You'd think I would've gotten the facts sooner on this one.

    " It's usually the one thing you're secretly pretending doesn't need to be given, that's going to be required."

    Ouch. Been there.

    "The reality is, when you hit breaking point, life just keeps going"

    So true. Amazing, ain't it? ...how you have to just keep going, regardless of how crumpled and deflated you feel? I think it really took me having four kids to understand this one. When I will sometimes reach that "breaking point" and just fall apart, no matter how hard little kids try to sympathize, they are just too in-the-moment to really get it.

    After 15 or 20 minutes of trying to pull it together in my closet (so they don't start asking what's wrong) they will do one of two things: 1)Join me, sometimes all of them, because if Mommy's in the closet, something fun must be going on in there. 2)Holler from the bathroom for help wiping.

    Life does indeed go on and you can only hide in the closet for so long. Love you, girlie.

  6. I can definitely relate to the prayer, girlfriends and dark chocolate. Oh yeah and He definitely asks the one thing you don't want to give. And when you do that's when the dam breaks! I love you friend.

  7. This is Wed is the one year mark of us having taken the Big Leap. I think everything you are saying is one hundred percent spot on. I have found His silence almost always means He is waiting for the things I am still clutching to be opened up and talked about. He is just a really gracious, patient listener. :)

  8. Oh, my gosh! I can relate ALL OVER THE PLACE.

    Every time I get to that "breaking point," and say that I can't take ONE MORE THING... God says, "Oh yeah? Wanna bet?"

    I'm just counting on the prayer and the chocolate and my online girlfriends...:-)

    (I've been reading you for a while, I think I clicked thru from Lissa @ Humble Pie...)

  9. Great post! I am a feeler for sure... I am pray, while thinking "ok but not that God, and don't take that either..." like he isn't aware. Thanks for this... I needed it this morning :)

  10. And prayer, girlfriends and dark chocolate is always on my list!

  11. I can totally relate. I've been struggling with all these areas lately. I needed to be reminded of all this - we've been trying for another baby since February and are gearing up to do IVF again. It's so hard to put my faith in God and to understand that sometimes the answer we're praying for is "wait" or "No"

  12. girl.... i wish you were my neighbor... then we could experience all these things together! seriously... having faith is THE hardest thing ever! but i think that's why it's so rewarding in the end (think heaven... presence of God for ALL of eternity). someone said this to me a while back "it's GOD'S story... not our story"... so true. tough to live it, but so worthwhile in the long run! keep the faith sister (and keep snacking on the chocolate... it helps SO much!!) :)

  13. What do you do if God is silent but you desperately need to hear from him?

  14. Oh, yes dear....these are *the lessons* of life! Your *rawness* is
    an encouragement to us all.
    blessings as you wait on Him, who is able

  15. Beverly, I don't know if you'll check back here to see if I replied. You didn't have an email that I could respond directly to you, but I wanted to say that I have been known to sit down with my bible and a notebook, and say, "I'm not leaving here until you speak to ME about this situation!" There was a time that took a couple of hours as I read, prayed, searched, and waited, but He showed up in a big way. When we seek Him with our whole heart, He promises to be found by us. Be encouraged and don't let go of Him until He speaks.

  16. Hey girlie,

    I find myself swamped in feelings when I'm the one in the middle of it and facts when it's someone else. I'm learning, though, really learning to focus on the truths (facts) that you wrote about!

    You're amazing - hang in there! You have friends all over praying for you!

  17. I tried for about 10 minutes to write you yesterday but blogger was being naughty! I will send up a prayer for you, God is listening:) Thanks you for sharing your heart and keepin' it real. Have you heard the song "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns?? If not go listen!

  18. I relate with everything you said! I think I want to print this out so I can remember all the facts. Somehow even though I know, when I'm in the moment I forget it all. I am so encouraged by this post...

  19. I can totally relate with ALL of it. Especially the prayer, girlfriends, and chocolate...