Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care...

I had it all perfectly pictured in my mind.
 Our Christmas card was going to be a gorgeous twilight shot, of our new home, with all the indoor lights on, and our family strategically placed in both front windows and the doorway.

It was going to be perfect.

The boxes were all going to be long-since unpacked and everything was going to be hung and placed perfectly.  The laughter from the room that my children were to share, while we waited for spring construction was going to be music to my ears.  There was going to be no fighting.  Lights were going to twinkle from surfaces, freshly painted.  Candles would be lit, and the Nativity that I've been pining over for the past four years would be purchased and proudly displayed on the side table.  The atmosphere was to be cozy and inviting.  People were going to drop in and out, all December long because that's what one does when your friends move into a new house. We were going to be surrounded with friends and family not the hustle and bustle that often leaves people feeling isolated.  No longer would we feel a call to serve with our whole life, and have no direction with it.  We were going to have purpose.  We were going to have more answers than questions.... 

Last week, I'm was met with a wave of near panic, at the idea that this season was hurtling out of control, ahead of me with not a trace of "Christmas spirit" in sight.  Always before, by this time of year, I'd let the words of the familiar Christmas story soak slowly into my soul, like a healing balm. Of course there are also the external things, like shopping, baking, decorating, and listening to favorite Christmas music, that enhance the so called, "spirit."  

This year however, questioning exactly what part of the season evokes the illustrious "Christmas spirit," that I seemed to be lacking, I made a choice.  I wasn't going to let recent hurts weigh me down.  I'm wasn't going to give in to fear or questions that made me feel rotten!  No way!  I may not have answers, and things might not be what I thought they were going to be, but this whole Christmas spirit is basically a choice.  So I choose to be still.  I choose to relax.  I choose to forgive and move on.  I choose to acknowledge the fact that it isn't what I wanted or thought it would be this season.  And I choose to move beyond that.  I choose to smile.  I choose to listen to praise music along with those familiar carols.  I choose to hug my children and pet my dog.  I choose to take care of myself.  I choose to love on everyone that crosses my path to the best of my ability... and when the season is over, I'll look back and know that Christmas spirit can't always be felt, but it can be chosen, and spread around.  

I feel hope.  And that's a start.  

10 comments:

  1. That is definately a start, dollface.
    Hugs, Sami Jo

    Jeremiah 29:11-13
    "...For i know the plans i have for you," declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and i will listen to you. you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

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  2. Thanks for this. We're in a similar situation of not being where we had expected and wondering why. It's great to be reminded that this is still a time to praise and hope and grow. Xxx

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  3. Hope is indeed a sweet thing. And that verse from Jeremiah that Sami Jo posted is one of the best promises He gives.

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  4. I think choosing to take care of yourself is the hardest. When I'm stressed or low I become last on the totum pole and it shows. I don't eat right or exercise. I don't reach out and talk with friends. I look and feel bad. So glad you've made a choice to move on. Praying for you girlie.

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  5. Oh girl, I feel your pain and I wish we were close enough where I could drop by how tell you how insanely beautiful your tree is. Make the choice for the Spirit of Christmas to fill you this year. YOu're in my prayers.

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  6. Great attitude! LIfe is so totally weird and wonderful - we just have to focus more on the wonderful and less on the weird :) That's my laments terms approach. Happy, Happy Christmas to you. Things are headed in the direction they are meant to and you are on the road you should be on.

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  7. Good for you, Sasha. Things are really strange for us this year, the first year we've not owned the house we're living in for TEN years. It's weird and honestly, a little frustrating. I keep thinking I'll celebrate when we get to my parents' house, but you're so right... choose happiness...

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  8. Prayers for you. . .Jeremiah 29:11-13 is one of my favorites. His plan--His time--His way. Hang in there!!

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  9. I so hear you about how tough it is to get into the Christmas spirit this year. I've actually got a post I'm working on about it right now.

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