Monday, February 28, 2011

Hhhhhhhhhh (that was me, sighing.)

***Updated***  12:00 pm, Tuesday.  We just found out that our buyer did not win the PCS.  I know.  Shocker.  She still wants our home, and is now seeking financing.  Please pray with us, that everything goes off without a hitch and does not delay our original closing date of the 15th!  I'll keep y'all updated as best I can!****
It was still early, with the only sounds coming from the soft tapping of fingers against keyboard, in the far corner of our bedroom.  Grey light was beginning to filter through the narrow space between window and shades, alerting me of the coming dawn.  I nestled farther down, under my blankets, unwilling for the morning activity to begin just yet, which would plunge us into a whirlwind day filled with school, cleaning, and ballet.  I lay still, listening to my husband doing quiet early morning work, as is his usual routine. 
Our children and dog were still asleep, giving me that much needed time to have my first conversation of the day.  The only conversation that really matters.
"Hi God," I said.  "So... it's just You and me again...going to be a big day.. or a weird day... or maybe it'll be a big 'ole weird day with all this house buying-Publisher's Clearing House nonsense, huh?" 

More soft tapping of keyboard, and silence.

"Um... so Publisher's Clearing House... did You think that one up?  Cause I've gotta be honest, that kind of sets the precedent for weird, right there.  And uh...If that's plan A, we might need a B.  Everyone's kind of freaking out, you know.  I mean I'm sure You know, being God and all.. but just so you know... it hasn't been pretty lately.  I totally blew it yesterday.  I was cranky with everyone and everything while I waited and anticipated the worst of what today may bring.  I don't even want to discuss the worst with You, so please don't bring it up.  You got me down from that mountain with two miles left in the gas tank and I can't think it was accidental.  I can't decide if I've got two miles left, or if I'm on empty right now.  It's really kind of freaking me out.  I know I asked you for an interesting story...but I'm kind of beginning to wish I hadn't...."
And then it hit me, very quietly, slowly, filling my mind with it's gentle permanence.  "I was here before you, you know."   What?  Where did that thought come from? "Before everything...Before your plans, and organizing every little detail of life...."  It was then, that a curtain of awareness was lifted just enough for me to reach out and nearly grasp the idea with the tips of my fingers, before the curtain slammed down and it was gone again. Flickering through my mind was the idea that only on the rarest of occasions, will we ever truly begin to grasp the hugeness of God.  We can't ever really understand the idea that before a galaxy, before an earth, before a Lemonade Makin' Mama, there was God... He was there.  Just there. 
 And for today, it was enough... actually, it was so much more than enough.  It was the thread that strung me back together and got me through a day filled with frustration, waiting, and sadly, no answers yet.
But in spite of that, as I drove my children all over the place, I had enough faith to whisper the words, "Okay Daddy, I'm all in."

I'm all in, and choosing not to worry. 
 No matter what the call, or the eventual outcome of these weird circumstances.  
And on a lighter note... well, kind of lighter depending on how you look at it... I forgot to tell y'all that my man has been chosen for jury duty this week.  It's a good thing we're pretty much packed and ready to go!  


 

22 comments:

  1. Love it! What an awesome reminder, that I know I need too often. We so easily forget the hugeness that He is. How silly we are to think that we can plan these things, or that our worrying will actually do anything. It's so good that He has it all together, cause Lord knows I don't!

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  2. I've been re-reading Crazy Love by Chan and for some reason this prayer keeps echoing through my mind..."God bring me closer to you, whatever it takes. . ." Still sending happy thoughts: )

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  3. We must seem so silly to the angels...our scurrying here and there believing that God hasn't been here ahead of us...failing to see what mind blowing, exciting life God is just waiting to offer us. They know His splendor, his very Godness. Thanks for the faith check. Enjoy the ride!

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  4. I'm holding my breath in anticipation with you. I know He is big, lately I've just needed to know that He (being huge) sees and hangs out with me (very, very small.)

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  5. I've felt this, too. Most recently when standing on the beach, watching the ocean. I find that at times like that, the curtain is thinner, the message more accessible. I'm so glad you heard Him.

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  6. I have jury duty in 3 weeks...ugh! I have gotten out of it too many times, it is back to get me no matter what. GOod luck to him!

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  7. remember that veggie tales song...god is bigger than the boogie man? :) well, that's what i thought of while i was reading this...i think it's just that He's bigger than any crazy situation too :) have a terrific day...with the BIG envelope people!

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  8. Oh, Sasha, I love this so much. I love your morning conversation with God and how he, in spite of his hugeness still has time to spend with each of us. We are so blessed.

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  9. Wonderful reminder, Sasha. He knows.

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  10. oh girl let's be "all in" together. there's always going to be something to stress over. so much easier to let go and let god right?? he's got our back. loved those pictures!

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  11. What a beautiful converation and reminder, Sasha. Jury Duty/ Really? Me thinks God has a sense of humor, too.

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  12. I just wanted to say thanks for your kind words and prayers. I have not been good about comments lately either...but just know that I am in your corner and on your side..I am your cheerleader!! Your awesome and you are bound for awesome things..thanks for letting us join you!
    Lisa

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  13. i hope the sigh turns into an 'ahhhh' one soon. blessings.

    and p.s., jurry duty on top of publisher's clearing house? God must think highly of you to give you so much;)

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  14. I just everything will turn out right! But life is handing you lots of lemons lately, huh? And I absolutely LOVE the pictures!

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  15. If God brings you to it HE WILL get you through it!!!

    nancy

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  16. If God brings you to it HE WILL get you through it!!!

    nancy

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  17. Beautiful post, beautiful reminder. Those glimpses of God's character are rare gifts. Hang in there! God already has your story planned out, and it's better than you can imagine. I'd venture to say it's going to have twists and turns you can't plan on, but looking back it will be perfect. You'll see God in each step. Enjoy the adventure if you can. God has your back. ;)

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  18. love the photos of your kiddos in this post...them doing their thing:)
    hoping you all sail through the 15th to close

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  19. I love reading such truth and the fact that He's always been there is such Truth. He has a plan and it WILL come to pass.

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  20. *ugh* I had a beautiful quote last week in my little daily devotional book from 1884... "That prayer which does not succeed in moderating our wish, in changing the passionate desire into still submission, the anxious, tumultuous expectation into silent surrender, is no true prayer. That life is most holy in which there is least of petition and desire, and most often passes into thanksgiving. pray til prayer makes you forget your own wish, and leave it or merge it in God's will. The Divine Wisdom has given us prayer, not as a means whereby to obtain the good things of earth, but as a means whereby we learn to do without them; not as a means whereby we escape evil, by as a means whereby we become strong to meet it." F.W. Robertson

    a long quote... sorry... a long time ago it became clear to me to praise God for the hiccups... God asks us to pray with thanksgiving... praying thanks for the hiccups... b/c He is working in us during the hiccups... =) easy to know... harder to feel ... I usually surrender after I react.. I wouldn't be human otherwise... though I pray my reactions get softer over the years... anyway... I had this nudge to share... =)

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  21. This was such a raw, honest and powerful post. I needed it. Thank you. :)

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  22. I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!!
    Oh my gosh, I love it.
    My husband lost his job in May 2010 and we're hanging on by a thread, but GOD IS ABLE. Period. This is such an encouragement :0)
    God bless you mama!
    p.s. I want lemonade now.

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