Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The perfection of timing... conclusion

(For part one, click here).... I woke up the next morning, wondering if I had only imagined the events of the previous day.  Was I really pregnant?  With a baby?  As I lifted my head, the familiar nausea confirmed what I knew, and a serious head cold made its presence known.  I had a doctor's appointment that morning, made hastily the night before, so I dragged myself out of bed and forced myself into the shower enjoying the stinging warmth of water over my aching back.  I pulled on soft black pants, and a simple top.  I felt only slightly better with a few swipes of mascara and lipstick.  I had plans to meet my mama for lunch after some shopping that afternoon, but wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the day, feeling this awful.

An hour later, I sat in a doctor's office, swinging feet clad in striped socks, from a table.  I felt very young and totally unprepared.  The nurse peppered me with questions, and then finally handed me a small, plastic cup.  Ten  minutes later, my world came crashing down around my ears, as she flatly informed me that I was mistaken, and not pregnant after all.  I stared at her for a minute, uncomprehending.  Blushing, and feeling stupid, I cautiously dared to ask a few questions.  As she scribbled notes on my chart, she barely glanced at me, and wished me, "better luck next time."  I swallowed tears of confusion as hormones screamed loudly in my ears.  My throat was dry and scratchy, my body ached all over, and I was exhausted and sick not only to my stomach, but also to my heart.  I somehow stumbled through the rest of the morning, and met my mama for lunch at a nearby restaurant. 

I hadn't planned on telling her anything yet, but facing her kind brown eyes across a bowl of silky chicken mushroom soup, I could no longer hold it all in. The emotions of the past two days surged to the forefront, and I found myself clumsily unloading the entire tale in her lap, complete with tears.  She reached across the table and patted my hand reassuringly.  She told me to go buy some children's cold medicine, assuming it would probably be the safest thing just in case I really was pregnant and advised me to grab an extra pregnancy test or two.  Then she bundled me back into my car, and reached through the open window to hug me goodbye.  She knowingly said that everything would be fine. I still wasn't so sure.  Was I even pregnant?

That next week found me strolling down a sunny sidewalk during my lunch break.  I was wearing a long gray skirt, with high slits on each side, and my crisp white button down shirt was tucked neatly into the waist.  I smoothed my hand across my flat stomach, not realizing that would be the last time I ever did that, and in a matter of minutes walked into a pregnancy center.  Within fifteen minutes, a kind woman gently and adamantly confirmed that I was around six weeks pregnant, and prayed with me for the coming months.  That's when the real panic... and faith kicked in.

Over the next three months, we began frantically searching for a home.  I'd always believed in God but He suddenly became my very real-and only- lifeline.  We prayed and prayed, for the perfect situation, because our budget was shoestring-thin and didn't leave much room for error.  Adrain and I prayed daily, that he would be able to get a promotion at his company that would allow me to stay at home once our baby was born.  It didn't look promising, because the position Adrain wanted/needed, was held by a guy that didn't appear likely to move on anytime soon.  One day, I was working the drive up window, and a coworker pushed an open home magazine toward me.  She pointed at a small, two bedroom house, priced at the exact number I had been praying for.

The minute we pulled into the driveway, we knew it was the one, in spite of the bright orange kitchen.  But we also knew that as soon as our baby was born, we could only afford this home if Adrain got a promotion or I continued working.  And that left no money for child care of any kind.  Over and over again, we felt God telling us to not worry, and trust Him with our future, as we laid every choice at His feet. This was all so new to me. 

The month before our baby was to arrive, found us comfortably settled in our first, tiny home, but no other circumstances had really changed, other than the fact that my man had traded in his cool jeep, for a family-friendly, four door sedan.  Maternity leave was quickly looming up ahead, and we were fully depending on God to open a door.  Or a window for that matter.  Weeks before JJ was born, a series of events started rolling, that allowed Adrain to advance and get that promotion.  We were not only shocked, we were thrilled.  I was suddenly now able to stay home with my baby, and though our budget was smaller than small, we figured that by using cloth diapers, making due, and being very careful, we would just be able to make ends meet.  I had no idea that the brand new faith I'd been building up during my pregnancy would become crucial over the years to come.  But God knew. 

The perfection of God's timing wasn't lost on me this morning as I awoke from a vivid dream.  In my dream, I was slowly walking through the rooms of that old house... and I felt as though a gentle voice was whispering, "Remember..."

Tears sting my eyes as I recount this tale for not only you, but for myself.  No matter what each of us face, there is perfection in His timing.  I don't know what you're waiting on.  Or hoping for.  But know this- He does.  And if you've put yourself in a place where if He doesn't come through for you, you'll be sunk... you've put your faith in the right place.  Hope in Him and you'll never go wrong because He'll never lead you down the wrong path. 

And happy early birthday to my precious son.  I'm so glad I really was pregnant after all..... 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

31 comments:

  1. Hi Sasha,

    You have no idea I much I needed this real reminder - thank you!

    i am facing some really tough circumstances - things I can't really control and things I just dont know how to handle.

    I need to sink MORE faith and hope in Him - or else I will sink!

    Praying for you and your situation to turn around!

    xoTiffany

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  2. What an awesome story. Thank you for sharing :)

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  3. You are so amazing! You will never know how God uses you to help others! I am crying at my desk- you have no idea how much I needed to hear that last bit and loved hearing your story and have been praying for you and your family!

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  4. Thanks for sharing with me!!! Hugs and Kisses!!!

    Wendy

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  5. To clarify, I meant the pregnancy story. Not the house situation. I am hoping the house thing turns out like the beautiful boy did :)

    By the way...those pillows on your couch...did you make them? I am looving that yellow/brown fabric!!

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  6. Thank you so much for that! I needed it!

    Happy early birthday to your dude!

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  7. What a beautiful ending. I do need the reminder that God is in control and that I need to put ALL of my faith in Him.

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  8. Sasha,

    I'm glad you were pregnant too, except of course when your little man makes fun of me for wearing a pink tie and tells me, "That's a girl color Uncle Gregg." He's an amazing young man!

    Gregg

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  9. Thank you so much for this reminder, I am just so ready for it all to change, I forget to focus in and trust. Life is just so darn hard some days, but God is always so faithful and I will push on. Thank you for your story, happy early b-day to your son. His eyes are just beautiful, BTW.
    Emily

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  10. Precious story! Thanks for sharing.

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  11. A perfect example of His Beautiful Mercy & Grace...AND His complete devotion to those who love Him and have FAITH in HIS "Perfect timing"
    Sherry

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  12. what a great story - and your boy is just precious:) he looks a lot like you...
    thank you for sharing:)

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  13. Oh Sasha, what a sweet way to remember your first born. Happy early bday to him!

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  14. Beautiful...beautiful...beautiful...beautiful boy!! Blessings!

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  15. This story is perfection! Love how you spun the tail to entwine what's going on in your life right this minute. Happy birthday JJ:) It will all work out you know it and I know it. HE never ever fails us!

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  16. Awww, such a good story! God is so good!

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  17. That is beyond sweet. I love this post. I thank the Lord every day for the blessings of my two little ones, they truly were given to our family at exactly. the. right. time.

    I wish all would put their faith in knowing that He is always making sure our lives are filled with the right time, every time. Hard to remember, but still very important.

    Those pics of your son are great!

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  18. Sasha -
    You were a blessing me tonight. I've been struggling with doubts and fears and questions since we found out this round of IVF didn't work two weeks ago. I confess I even skipped my Beth Moore study group tonight because this chapter was about patience and peace - and well honestly I didn't want peace or patience. But your story reminded me that God knew what was coming before my hubby and I ever got married and he moved mountains for us to have our first son and when the time is right if that's His plan - He'll move those mountains again. I just have to have faith.

    Thank you for blessing me with your story tonight.

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  19. Whoa - I have been away for a few weeks (morning sickness - blah!) and I am so sorry to read of the whole house sale saga! But I am so excited to see the Lord continuing to grow and comfort you. Ok and it has to be said - I love the jewellery holder (I appear very shallow and I am sorry for that. But I do love it!)
    Praying for the best for your family.
    Happy birthday to your sweet boy.

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  20. Great story, you had me hanging on every word! Happy Birthday Baby boy!!

    Carol

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  21. Hi Sasha...I've been lurking around your blog for awhile, but thought I'd comment today. I just want to tell you that your post was really beautiful, you wove it together so well, illustrating such a good message. Thanks for the reminder of God's perfect timing, it's something I need to remember :)

    ~Tricia

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  22. I love this story! I was so mad at that nurse for you! Thank you for sharing your experiences of faith...it was a wonderful reminder.

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  23. Such a perfectly timed reminder of what I am studying right now... expecting and trusting in God.
    Always and in everything.
    Thank you!

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  24. Thank you for sharing this sweet, sweet story of your faith journey. It's a great inspiration. Makes you wonder about those nurses and doctors sometimes!

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  25. so so good sasha! you and i have very different "first baby" stories, but they were definately both surprises to us!! happy birthday to jj!!

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  26. This is such a beautiful testimony as to His power and love for us. Thanks for sharing.

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  27. "And if you've put yourself in a place where if He doesn't come through for you, you'll be sunk... you've put your faith in the right place."

    I'm there and some days it can be very hard.

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  28. I'm catching up on your blog, and wow, you tell a great story!

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  29. For a second you had me thinking you were pregnant NOW, wouldn't that be a kicker?
    I am right there with you, remembering and on that shoe string budget once again. Totally empty except for His supply. Exactly where He wants me to be. I have been thinking about that exact scripture and really meditating on it, asking myself if I really BELIEVE that it is true. It is.

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