Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Unshakeable security

(I planned to break away for the week, but I had to quickly post this.) When I was seventeen, I began casually observing a guy in my English class.  When he stood in front of our class to give speeches, he was relaxed, at home, and easy to listen to, exuding a quiet confidence.  He was incredibly athletic, and excelled at every sport he played, making team captain in most of them.  He belonged to the many clubs, who's advertisements littered the hallways, splashed in tempera paint, and school pride.  He ran for the school presidency, and was voted most likely to become president of our country, probably based in part, on his easy way, and firm handshake. 

It didn't take very long for me to figure out that this was a guy who was going somewhere in life.  A guy who could be depended on.  A guy who would provide security and stability.  By age seventeen, my family had moved more times than I could count, transferring me from one school to the next, and security was something I craved.  One afternoon, he sauntered up to me, clad in his letterman jacket, books tucked under his arm.  He flashed me a grin and said, "You know... you should really go out with me, because someday, I'm going to be the president."  That was all.  I blushed like crazy, boosting his confidence until he convinced me to let him drive me home after school.  On the way, he pulled into a bakery and bought us each a doughnut.  Over the course of many years, we dated, married, and every single shred of security was ripped away from us, as our life's plans crumbled into the ashes of reality.

I tried desperately to cling to him through the ups and downs.  After all, though he was a man, he was a good man.  A reliable man.  Steady, and ever optimistic.  Try as I might, I could not fit all the broken pieces of security back into my hands, no matter what our circumstances became, or what my man provided for me.  Four years ago, I was faced with the sight of my husband growing restless with life "as usual" and it was a terrifying thing to behold.  I continually looked at it through the filter of, "how will this affect me."  (I know.  Selfish, and I'm not proud.)  At first, I longed for him to hurry up and find his way, so I could settle back down into a nice, secure, little life, never dreaming that I was primed for a little shake up myself. 

Slowly, God began to rock me out of my safe, comfortable, nest.  Apparently, you can't sit in a nest all your life, or you'll never learn to fly and spread the wings of faith.  At first, I clung to whatever passed by that offered a glimpse of security, but time and time again, it proved false and easily shaken.  I don't know when I began to transfer my idea of security from a mere man, directly to God's blessings, but I'm sorry to say that I did.  Somehow, I decided that as long as God was blessing me (or giving me what I wanted) I would be secure.  I was putting my security into the blessings of God, rather than God Himself.  I read a quote by Beth Moore in January, that felt like an explosion of "Wow! and Aha!" in my brain.  She said, "If our trust is in manifestiations of God's favor, rather than God Himself, we will crumble like dry clay when He calls us to walk a distance of our journeys entirely by faith and not by sight."

Today, I'm choosing to cling to God Himself,- not what He does or doesn't do.  And I'm resting in this amazing verse while I do that; "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2  (emphasis mine)

Let the adventure continue...

19 comments:

  1. Thank you for this beautifully written post. I am always encouraged by your transparency & faith in action. Today's post was exactly what I needed to hear, at exactly at the right time. Thank you for letting God work through you to reach {im}perfect strangers in blog-land.

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  2. I feel like I am at a "fleeing my nest" point in my life right now....

    I just can't figure out which direction I am going to fly.

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  3. When, again, are you coming to Texas for a visit? ; )

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  4. You must be reading my mail! This post is something I desperatly needed to read today. I've been on the verge of tears, not knowing what "the plan" is for my little family's life....and I like knowing "THE PLAN." Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us, you encourage me more than you'll ever know!

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  5. Darling friend,
    You have the key I think. You know, some pretty strange things can happen when we trust God and not the "manifestations of His favor".
    It's very easy in our culture to have a christianity that says "if God provided once, twice, He will do it again" meaning "He will provide something as good or better than what I already had"
    but there are people calling on the name of the Lord (today even) while starving to death. Does that mean that God does not provide?
    No!
    He has given Himself and the promise of an incredible eternity together with Him. He empowers us to worship Him just this one day.
    And that's enough.
    C.S. Lewis refers to this life as "the Shadow Lands" a dim reflection of the best things yet to come, but not in this life.

    Now...
    speaking as one who has experienced many MANY manifestations of God's favor in THIS life, let me say: they have not always been what I would have come up with on my own!

    You have something most women cannot boast, in a man with a heart for the glory of God.
    I am learning that it's an exhilarating ride to be going where a man like that goes!
    I never thought it would lead me to the places I enjoy today.
    But the secret?
    Learning to give the Lord my WHOLE heart (along with everything I cherish) and worship Him every moment.
    EVERY moment. The most painful ones included.

    I didn't mean to write a book on your comments page Sasha, but I have been so blessed by your heart in all your posts, and look forward to watching how the Lord glorifies Himself in and through you!

    Have you read Hinds Feet on High Places? I think it might touch your heart through theses growing pains.

    All my love,
    Analene

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  6. This is weird. It's like you're living my life only managing to be whole lot more godly and faithful than me. Inspirational, thank you. Xxx

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  7. me too. Come by my blog and get a link to enter a writing contest. You are a beautiful writer.

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  8. Thank you for taking the time to post this. I needed this reminder to trust God himself and not my blessings. Again, thank you.

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  9. I'm so glad you wrote this post...it was exactly what I needed right now! You're seriously amazing!

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  10. Lemonade is best a little shaken! Love ya, girl!!

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  11. bless your heart,I think you have finally found the peace about your journey you have been speaking of.
    thank you so much for sharing what's been on your heart.
    Hugs to you

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  12. Thanks for this honest post. I'm struggling with how I define security too. It's a great testimony to see that you still have a positive attitude and your faith given the uncertainty and things your going through right now with the sell of your house. I can't imagine the stress. Sending prayers and love your way!!

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  13. So good!!! I loved reading this. I just finished posting part one of my journey....would love you to read it if you find time.

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  14. Psalm 121: 1-3
    A song of ascents.
    I lift up my eyes to the hills—
    where does my help come from?
    My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.
    He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not
    slumber.

    Blessings to you Friend,
    Jennifer

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