Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Let me tell you how it works in my world okay?

For the past few days, I've been trying to make a really tough decision for one of my children, but I can't make that decision until two other things either happen or don't happen, (and I have no control over those two things either) so I'm waiting.  (A common theme of my life this year.)  Only (in case you hadn't figured this out by my many posts on the topic, ad-nauseam) I'm absolutely horrible at waiting patiently.  (work. in. progress.)

So yesterday, I'm stumbling along through my day in frustration, crying all over myself (because that's what I do when I'm in "stumbling mode," and yes, I am going to litter this entire post with parentheses, thankyouverymuch.) when mid-afternoon struck. Somehow, in the midst of all this indecision, I had decided that everything was falling apart in my world, and that God no longer loved or spoke to me. (I even considered deleting my entire blog, because apparently I would have nothing further to say to anyone since God had decided to quit speaking to me.  And yes, I am given to huge quantities of drama every so often.  Occasionally.  When I'm in the center of my own universe.  Don't be like me.)

I was running behind my hoodlums who were on their bikes, crying my eyes out, (and let me just say that when you're running trails, wearing sunglasses, and crying, you're just a general mess.) when I whipped off my sunglasses, swiped a sleeve across my eyes and crankily glared up at the grey skies.  (I was glaring at God, I'll be honest.)  I told Him on no uncertain terms (demanded, really) that He needed to make His presence known, and give me something unmistakably from Him this very day.  (I may have even raised my clenched little fist a bit, but I don't recall.  I know, I'm so mature.)

Fast forward to 8:00 pm.  (Still glaring at the Heavens and waiting for that "Word.")  My thoughts interrupted by the sweet voice of my baby girl asking, "Mama, will you do my devotions with me?"  My internal dialogue went a little something like this, "Oh-ho-ho...nice one God.  I bet you'll speak to me NOW, eh? Through a kid devotional?  Well, You'd better, cause You're running out of time to make good on that there request I made of You."

Yeah.  About that.  Guess what book of the bible I've been studying this past month?  Daniel.  Guess what Ava's devotional was titled?  "Worth the Wait."  Guess what I did?  Roll my eyes.  Guess what a portion of her devo. said?  "Have you ever prayed for something and had to wait forever for an answer? That's what the prophet Daniel felt like when he heard the city of Jerusalem lay in ruins.  He started praying and waited for weeks.  Then an angel came and told him, 'Don't be afraid, Daniel.  Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven...' (Daniel 10:12)...Keep on praying.  It's not like you're trying to wear down God.  But by continuing to pray, you become part of the answer, and your faith grows.  Don't give up."  (I cried.  I admit it.)

I still have no idea what decision to make, but I will not give up praying, and believing that God has the answer already locked down for me.



1John 5:14-15 "We are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him.  And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for." 


Ava's devotional: "Devos for Animal Lovers; Cool things animals show us about our Creator" by Dandi Daley Mackall

29 comments:

  1. And, that same angel from a few thousand years ago spoke those same words to you, personally. God knew, and had you and your heart in view when He wrote that out, and through you, mine apparently. Our God is an AWESOME God, is He not? I'll be holding this one close to my heart today too, as I've been feeling the same way lately, although I've moved from angry and annoyed to just sort of blah-ambivelent-whatever, haha. May He bless your journey today!

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  2. In his time it will all come together..I try to understand this everyday! I love your transparency and your willingness to submit and share your struggles! I don't know you but I wish I did! Have a blessed day!

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  3. I just have to wonder about His sense of humor sometimes. I wonder if He sits up there just laughing and shaking His head when we get mad at Him. Kinda like I used to do when my children threw temper tantrums.

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  4. What devotional does Ava use? Looking for one for my little girl. As always, thanks for your honesty. It's refreshing.

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  5. Wow. It's so tough to wait and when you get tired of waiting and ask for a sign. He gives you that sign and tells you to keep on waiting. Our Lord has a sense of humor, but how amazing is it that he can pick you back up from a season of doubt?

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  6. Man when He speaks, He SPEAKS! I liked the part about humbling myself in addition to the prayer because more times than not, that's the part that's missing. He's got you covered not matter how it looks to you because His plan is always better...always perfect :)

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  7. things have a way of working out. there have been many times in my life that i could have thought god didn't care or wasn't watching out for me, but as i've gotten older and looking back, i can see how all of the hard times i had (no parents, no supervision, getting pregnant at 19) all ended up working together to put me where i am now. so, i feel really lucky. just hang in there! we're all rooting for you!!!

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  8. i hate to quote tom petty here, but waiting really is (sometimes) the hardest part...i'm starting to think you should write a devo yourself when (yes, i said when) the wait is finally over...i too have had many a fist shaking moment that i'm not particularly proud of, but it's when you become too indifferent to be angry that you need to start worrying...by the way, what devo book does your daughter use?

    alison

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  9. I want to scream that is so GOOD! Our God is so mighty and amazing!!

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  10. Wow!!! Ask and you shall receive...
    Blessings!!!

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  11. Oh girl. I've been there. I've written about it in my old blog. God has the insane sense of humor. If you want a good laugh - read this one:
    http://whatdoyoumeanitsduetoday.blogspot.com/2009/09/standing-on-promises-does-not-mean-same.html

    I don't blog at that URL anymore - but i immediately thought of it when i read your post.

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  12. ugh...waiting is the worst. it really is. we're still waiting too...maybe you need to send me that devotional page (HA)!!

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  13. i too am waiting.......waiting......there's crickets chirping. i'm kinda waving my fists at God too. i don't feel like praying either. i sound like a broken record.

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  14. I relate! There seems to be long cycles of waiting in my life...I think they keep coming around because once I have the answer I stop relying on Him so much. So God reminds me! Thank you for sharing this time with us, you're not alone! Right now I'm waiting for my first baby to come any day...I'm super impatient...I'm sure there's a lesson in it for me if I would stop being upset over all this waiting :) This too shall pass!

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  15. I have never visited your blog before and just so happened to stumble over from another blog, although I say stumble very lightly because I know it didn't happen by chance but rather by divine appointment...I needed to read this today, thank you for sharing! I will have to come back more often!! Blessings to you and yours.

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  16. I love Him! No other response really except to say that I get it - all of the frustration and the inability to move forward until He moves. But I love it when He shows up in the middle of my mess and I can see Him. Just to know He is here helps.

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  17. I just love how God speaks to us like that . . . He is so real!!! Thank you for telling us what devo it was ... my daughter would love that. ;) Btw . . . You are amazing and I can see that God is doing amazing things through you (and in you) on this lovely blog.
    ~cheryl

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  18. Ha! God definitely has a sense of humor. He throws me signs all the time. I look and say to Him, "Okay, I get it". Everything will answer itself in time. You may not even realize that the path God is keeping you on is the one that you and God set up a long time ago.

    Have a wonderful day and a great weekend.

    Jessica

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  19. He truly is the same yesterday, today and forever. His Word never returns void! Amen, amen, amen! Hang in there, sweet lady.

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  20. Thought of you this morning as I read Lysa Terkeurst's devotional. ..
    "The great joy is discovering how good and necessary times of waiting really are.”
    http://lysaterkeurst.com/
    Blessings & prayers, friend!!

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  21. I SO needed to see this today. I have some things weighing on me, and I'm waiting, waiting, waiting....I just blogged about it today. It's funny how we want answers on our own time and forget that we're on His time.

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  22. I have been watching your blog for a bit now, and today is the first time I felt I HAD to comment.

    I often stumble all over myself & cry and make fantastic promises to stop doing something because I was so frustrated. (As my blog sits un-updated since March.)
    My family is also waiting for answers about our future, and I very much needed to see that devotional today too.
    Thank you so much for sharing!!

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  23. Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.

    Keep your chin up! Your answer will come.

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  24. Always remember that God will not give you more than you can bare. We just went over a bible study last night on 1 Peter about suffering and submitting; neither of which us humans like. However, if we do it for Christ sake, we will endure and be rewarded. Keep up your chin and... Do not grow weary while doing good for in due season you shall reap if you do not lose heart. (Gal. 6:9)

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  25. I so relate to the way your brain works, I can't even tell you. Hang in there, sister-friend!!!!

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  26. I'm so in the same spot as you. I am trying to decide which direction I should take my career and I have asked the Lord to give me some direction, but I have not received any signs. I know I need to be patient, but it's so difficult when I'm so unhappy with my life right now.

    Keep your chin up and keep praying. He will show you the answer when the time is right.

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  27. It's encouraging to know I'm not the only one that gets ticked off at God. I'm in the waiting room too, just a different kind, and I totally feel your frustration . Your hope gives me hope. Your faith inspires me.

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  28. Let me tell ya, I've been praying for a situation to be resolved,but nothing has happened yet. (And patience is simply NOT a virtue that I possess) Anyway, I was literally to the point of tears about the situation as I drove cross country yesterday when I got your email notification on my cell phone. I can't even tell you how much your words helped and the Bible verses that you quoted comforted me. It actually made me laugh out loud at how HE reaches out to us in the strangest ways!!!

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