Friday, July 22, 2011

Who's in charge here?

Yesterday was an interesting day.  My husband was with his boss all day, and it turns out, all the plans for Adrain's job transfer had suddenly and unexpectedly come unraveled along the way, leaving us just here,  once again.  At first, I felt frustrated, because finally, we (I) had surrendered to this, and it seemed like we finally had a direction, a path, a wind, shifting us from one place that made no sense to another that possibly explained the previous place?  And then in a twist of one man's decision, the whole thing unraveled like a ball of sting, leaving us with no recognizable shape to work with.   Again. 

Neither Adrain or I had wanted this change of job direction for him, so at least in part we were relieved.  I opened up my bible study today and was met with the title, "Making sense of it all."  I laughed out loud.  Then I cried.  The verse that followed read, "I have still many things to say to you, but you are not able to bear them or to take them upon you or to grasp them now." (John 16:12 Amplified Bible.)  The question leaped off the page at me and asked, "What doesn't seem to make sense about something God is asking of you right now?"  Um...  well.  I wrote in big, blue, capital letters, "EVERYTHING!!!"

(Yes Lord, I am speaking in exclamation points today!)

All around me, I see friends and family members holding His precious answers for their lives in their hands, and so far, all we are holding up is empty hands to Him.  Am I selfish to wish I had some of those answers I see all around me, for our life too?  I don't want empty hands anymore, but I'll keep lifting them up to praise Him regardless.  I really will. 

No pretty bow... just me... real.... raw... questioning... trusting... kind of wandering around... 

Have you ever been there?  How did it turn out?


  1. My husband and I have been in the exact same spot for the past 6 months, frustrated and confused wanting answers but not hearing them. While we still don't have the big answers we want He has been giving us little ones that begin to make things make sense. I pray yours will come quickly! When your stregth ends, God's begins for you!

  2. Um, yes and I identify with your frustration seeing people around with their "answers"...but then you got to the line that you just wrote about you having empty hands and I almost just started crying here in my kitchen at that beautiful picture:) I never feel wrapped up in a bow anymore, but I've found that has opened me up to a new level in my relationships that's very freeing, both with my husband and with some new and old girl friends, those kind that you can be real with and you still love them and they still love you. It's something I've never had and always wanted:) I also had a feeling while reading your post that God's enlarging your capasity and just know He's not up sitting on a cloud laughing at you. He's caring deeply about your heart and where you are heading and where you've been. Are you still reading 1000 gifts? Have you started a list yet? (It took me a until a few chapters in to start one). I've been neglecting my list lately, but I think I was on 252 or something like that so I'm going to make you #253 because you seriously are encouraging me day after day here:) And I know I'm just one of a lot of women here! Seriously love you Sasha!

  3. oh sweet girl. I've been there. It's frustrating - the unknown plan. But there is plan. There is always a plan.

    Sometimes i feel like it's keep from us until the very last moment so that WE don't go and screw it up with all of our ideas and plans of our own. Not saying i'm a control freak or anything. No. Not me...

  4. I'm there right now with empty hands and another friend of mine is as well (I called her in the middle of reading this to share that verse with her). I've seen this with others and then He opens their eyes and reveals His plan and it's amazing to watch. Hard to be in, but He's so good and wants only THE best for you...HIS best. He has it all in line for you, He's not worried. Keep those hands lifted...I'll be right there with you.

  5. And if I could "like" Jewel's like on FB I would...well said Jewel.

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  7. recently found your blog and quickly added it to my bookmarks :)

    I am there right now. Waiting for answers. And while I was waiting for one..a couple others popped up. Ugh.
    I just find myself clinging to His Word...'blessed are those who put their trust in Him...blessed are those who wait on the Lord.'
    He is making a history with us so that in months..years from now...we will look back and say...He was faithful to me then. Why would He not be faithful to me now? There is no shadow of turning found in Him.

  8. Yes, we have been in that place for 3 years now! Thinking we know what the next step is, trying to do what we believe God wants, only to have all doors close. Many times I feel so stuck and begin questioning my faith. But He always shows up, sometimes in small ways, other times in big ways to let us know He is right here with us. He does have a plan for our little family. He wants to give us the desires of our hearts. Hands raised, empty or not, is a wonderful place to be. Thank you for sharing & encouraging and for the verse too.....of all the stuff I've read today, that was just what I needed.

  9. I'm there girl, I'm there right now! When I read your posts I feel like you are looking into my life right now..I,like you will wait with my arms open and my eyes to the Lord..thank you!

  10. This is so good. So pure and honest and true.

    Beautiful. Really beautiful.....

    I hear your heart so loud and clear here....

    We are on year number four of this exact season...

    It doesn't get any easier but we know that it's coming...

    Our answers. Our breakthrough. Our blessings.

    His word will not return to Him void.

    We refer to this season of waiting and or suffering as "Ram's Horn" or "Ram's Horn Anointing!"

    Juanita Bynam does the most beautiful and powerful teaching on it I've ever encountered. You can google her You Tube videos about it. But brace yourself.

    You may be a complete puddle in the floor like I was half way through it. But it gave me a whole new outlook on the suffering I have walked through in life.

    Praying for you tonight ....



  11. He will whisper in your ear which way to turn, He will. For some unseen reason He wants you right where you are right now and that is an answer in itself. Blessings and peace on you and your home.

  12. A lot! Hang in there Sasha - your faith will grow and you will be stronger!

  13. Sometimes when I am where you are, I go back to basics. Seek ye first the KINGDOM of God and His righteousness. THEN all these things will be added unto you. It doesn't say seek His will, or His plan for you. Just His kingdom and His righteousness. I am currently in such a place, to a lesser magnitude. Just read something inspiring (I'm currently reading Jesus the One and Only by Beth Moore--it's fantastic). The Lord knows what you need, and He's not going to tease you and give you a stone and let you starve.

  14. I wish I had the right words to say to comfort you, but I think God's the one who wants to hold you in his hands right now. I totally understand your frustration, Sasha. I know'll make sense. Praying for you!

  15. ive been in my "special place" for 4 years. some things have been definitively answered some things just raise more questions. id blog about it if i could figure out how to untangle it from my head, i love how you can put words to your life and even though you dont have complete answers you at least have a voice for the questions. i dont know if it made sense... (see? tangled brain)
    anyhoozle. i like what jeannie said, where you are is an answer in itself. thanks jeannie.
    and thanks sasha, for all your honesty. love. need.