Thursday, August 4, 2011

Grateful air...

Tomorrow my man starts a new job position, in a new city.  It happened literally over night.  As in, he found out Tuesday, that the job he wasn't really being given much choice in taking would be opening up after all, and by today it was a done deal.  I wish I could share so much about this entire situation with you guys, but I'm not at liberty.  Which kills me since I'm a vomit-my-story-all-over-your-screen, type of gal.  Anyway... what I can say, you already know and though it rings of complaint, don't hold me to that, as I paddle my way back up to the surface to gasp for grateful air. The unconcealed truth of the matter is, he doesn't want this position within his company- probably wouldn't have wanted it in a million years, and never would have sought it out, if it didn't mean this or no job.  I don't want this position for him.  It's far away and he'll be commuting now.  We'll have to buy a second car... added expense.  New phone for him... added expense.  It's longer hours, and it's not even half as flexible as his job is right now. 


That said... I'm breathing in each and every moment of thanks that I can gulp into my dry, burning lungs, because it's the only thing keeping me afloat right now.  Every single thought of complaint and "Really God?" is countered with an immediate and intentional, "Thank you so much Lord that my husband has a job.  Thank you that his bosses care for him enough to watch over him and keep him employed.  Thank you that he is close enough that a commute is doable-at least for now.  Thank you that we never did get that house.  Thank you that I have a man who loves this family enough to do a job that I'm fairly certain he is trying not to hate.  Thank you that he reaches out and looks into my eyes with words of, 'It'll be alright.'  Thanks for this moment.  Thanks for this breath." And it goes on and on and on.  

I can't begin to unravel the mystery.  One day it all clicks into place.  The next, I'm tearfully holding fractured pieces of my faith, with no hope of putting them together again.  And then I say thank you.  The pieces collide, and the fog lifts.  And for that moment, it's okay.  It's not perfect, and it's not desirable, but as I sat stroking bold blue paint onto my new-old rocking chair, I realized that just like I can look back now and see how seamlessly God saved us from making a huge mistake in selling our house last year, I will be able to look back and see what else God was doing in this weird moment of time. 

And again I say thanks.  Boldly now, like the color of my paint. 

22 comments:

  1. BLUE! The chair will be blue! Can't wait to see it! Sending hugs to you and will be praying for your family as Adrian begins a new journey.

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  2. I too believe that everything happens for a reason...and someday we find out what it was. I really enjoy your blog and wish I were half as creative! Happy Summer!

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  3. This post brought tears to my eyes because I admire your attitude so much. And I'm lookin' forward to seeing that chair. :)

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  4. a grateful heart! That's all God asks of us. You are wonderful! yes you are! And your precious grateful heart. ;)

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  5. The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Psalm 37:23

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  6. Grateful gasps--what I'm feeling tonight as my son's diagnosis was revealed. I just finished writing about it on my blog and am reminded of His goodness and grace through it all. Hang in there and keep gulping for that gratitude--we are blessed. Through it all, we are blessed.

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  7. Oh wow!! I'm sorry it's not a position he really wants, but thank the Lord he still has a job. I get goosebumps when I hear stories like this when God's plan finally makes itself known and it all clicks and you go OH NOW I GET IT! Whew! Keep your chin up! can't wait to see the chair.

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  8. So glad that you are able to practice living the gift of trust.
    Just know that God always has our best interest at heart. Something really great is going to come out of all of this, you'll see...

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  9. The Lord must have sent the publishers Clearinghouse weirdo lady to you. If He can put people like that into your life, just imagine what else He might do. Come on Lord! Bring it on and let's see how you're going to fix LMM's heart and make it stronger! We're waiting and watching.

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  10. if His plans are for us to prosper, keep praying for what you want...He will give you the desires of your heart. I really believe that some of those desires that stick around for a long long time are put there by God. Keep praying, Sash. But be thankful always...and I think you've got that one covered. xo

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  11. For some reason life seems to be full of hard circumstances for many people at an increasing rate. I find it easier to complain than praise Him, but that's what we are called to do. Thank you God that Adrain is employed. My hubby drives an hour each way to work and works tons of overtime without pay. He left at 6 am and got home at 8:40 pm yesterday and it makes me upset that he isn't appreciated.
    We must be their cheering section because I don't think many men get the appreciation at work. I can't wait to see your new chair. And Adrain is right it will be alright.
    Blessings on your day!

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  12. Thank you so much for writing this. We are in the throws of an anticipated transition from military to civilian life, including a job hunt and likely house sale. Seeing God's hand in your life regarding your house sale that didn't quite happen is so encouraging to me.

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  13. You're doing everything right, Sasha--holding on to His promises and praising Him in this storm. That is hard to do and you are doing it wonderfully!! Adrain is so right when he says "It will be alright". It really will! Jesus doesn't ask you to come out onto the water to Him only to let you sink. Just keep your eyes fixed on Him. Matthew 14:25-31 might be encouraging for you to read right now. :o)

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  14. I love your open heart and courage to say out loud what so many others feel as life hands us challenges. Your Faith inspires, and I KNOW it brings readers closer to God for strength in their own journey.

    Blessings to you and your family!

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  15. You have such a beautiful gift of writing. You are so right - Some days all we can do is thank God and find joy in knowing His plan is perfect and will someday be explained to us. Thank you for sharing your heart! I hope things "click" very soon for you and your sweet family.

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  16. Thanks, Sasha, for this reminder! I have been struggling with gratefulness the past few days, and I need to be reminded of these very things! Hope your weekend is a great one!

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  17. Saying we have faith, and actually living out our faith are TWO completely different things. Living out your faith takes courage, trust and actual faith....When the makers of your rocking chair, made the chair they did so with care and talent. I am sure they never imagined it would be blue. God not only knows what color your path will be in the end, HE knows what other changes are in store and is looking forward to molding those, just like you are enjoying molding and changing your lovely chair. HIS wind is in your sails, enjoy the journey (easier said than done - I KNOW!) prayers for your family...

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  18. You're leaning on the Right One right now through this unsure time. He will keep you all strong and at peace...He is your Protector.

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  19. ditto. leaning on the everlasting arms.

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  20. it will all make sense...someday. until then praying for your man as he goes on a new path for a bit. have a great weekend girlie.

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  21. brilliant thinking my friend

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  22. You are precious. Praying for your family. Thank you for remaining faithful to God in everything... it is encouraging and lifts me up as I read your journey. God has great plan for you, and I can't wait to see it continue to unfold.

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