Wednesday, January 11, 2012

It all depends on how you frame it.

I tend to be a very tender-hearted and sensitive person, wearing my heart out on my sleeve.  Ordinarily this serves me rather well because people tend to respond to a warm, open person who just vomits it all out there for them.  (Well at least in my experience they do, but since that's all I know I suppose I'm generalizing here.)  I have a lot of people in my world that are um...you might say... a little less sensitive and open.
 I feel like I've been getting kicked in the teeth by those who I want to be my listening ears, understanding hearts, and encouraging partners.  But what if my thinking has been all twisted?  I've been feeling like I'm on an island with nowhere to turn because I either say the wrong things, think the wrong things, or feel bad for saying what I'm thinking lately.
 I started wondering if this kick me cause I'm down thing just felt like that because I was already down.
 And that's when I read it.  Beth Moore says, "...our minds work to frame every circumstance, temptation, and experience we have.  We see events from our own perspective and context.  Have you noticed how two people can look at the same experience differently?  They put the event in different frames and act accordingly.  Our reaction depends on how we have framed the event....Often we cause ourselves more pain by the way we frame events than the events themselves cause.  Let's pretend we've already won the battle over our thought lives.  How could you frame that particular situation differently."

 I'll be honest, I haven't won that battle yet but I know she's right... I do cause myself way more pain because of the frame I'm looking through!  My heart has been aching since late December. The hurts are still raw and things keep piling on in addition to that.  I know I'm framing it all according to my dimly flawed perspective and that's the wrong frame to use... so I'm working on seeing it differently.  As I work, I avoid.  I get so afraid of making it worse by saying the wrong things to the people in my life, as I process it all, so I avoid them altogether which just makes me a lonely and sad person.  Ugh... it's a bad cycle.
 So for now I'm just burying myself in work and praying for healing  and a new frame for each step as I trust in the Lord.  I think He is working me hard right now you guys... deep, nasty work that must truly be important or it wouldn't be so stinking hard.  I'm praying this verse over myself- "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3.
 Do you know what I'm talking about here?  Do you agree that we make things worse by how we frame things? 



By the way... my Etsy shop is open again!  All items shown above and more, can be found here. 

40 comments:

  1. I am hearing every single word and thought you are throwing out! I hope things get better for you as your frame changes. I recently had to change mine and I wish I had tried harder to do it sooner. The sense of relief will come, I'm sure. (and the napkins look great in gray)!

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  2. I know I certainly make things worse with how I frame things! I've been trying a lot lately to try and view things more from the other person's perspective as well as my own. Hopefully that will help!

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  3. YES!
    I think it's double hard for those of us who feel everything so deeply.

    I can totally relate to what you're saying and feeling....

    actually, the LORD has revealed some deep rooted insecurity in my heart in the past couple of weeks...I've always known that they were there, but he has me at a place to do a deep work and healing.

    and so I WAIT on the Lord and put my HOPE in him...
    praying for you tonight.

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  4. 'You've always had the power to go back to Kansas' Click those heels Sasha to take you to where you want to be!

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  5. {sigh....} I am so with you on this.

    I am trying soooo hard to make a conscious effort to see things differently and react differently, but MAN is it HARD! Lol! I'm getting there. Each time a situation passes I just try to process it and see what I would do differently the next time. I'll get it right one of these days. ;o)

    Mary

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  6. Perception...I could go on and on! I too have a situation that needs healing....things were "seen" and "thought" based on an individual frame, and perception is not always truth, and it hurts! Thank you for being so open and honest! Love your new things too!

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  7. Oh my goodness, I hear ya! I'm going through this exact thing right now and have just chosen to isolate myself because of my fear of saying the wrong thing which, as you say, makes me lonely and sad. The month of December was a tough one here, too. Ugh. So thankful to come here and know that I'm not alone with this icky feeling. I'm working on it, but it sure does take work. Wish I could stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, but that's just the way I am. Wow, I wrote a book! :)Blessings to you, sweet friend and thank you.

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  8. hi friend. i have to say, i'm not as much a "feeler" person. these last few months have put me into a slump and made me feel way more "feely" than i want to...that is for sure! i've come to the realization though, that through this junk, we're growing. being refined and shined up. i'm not saying it makes me feel a whole lot better, but at least i think there will be a better person in the end...i know the same is for you. i don't know specifics of your situation, but i think you should move to asheville :) just a thought?? :)

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  9. I too understand what you are saying. The past year and a half I have been in that lonely place because I have isolated myself. Not a great place to be I agree.

    But like another gal said in her comment. God has His reasons for it. To grow us, to refine us...and who knows, maybe what you are experiencing will help someone else out in the future.
    Just look and see here how so many of us are going through the same thing from all the comments.
    Thanking you for sharing. Because if we don't share, we don't heal.
    Praying for you and everyone who comments.
    Hugs to you sweet friend

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  10. No way...if you move you know where it's gotta be. I'm just sayin'...hands off Alicia;) Beth Moore was so right. I do the same thing. I frame it up all wrong. Hang in sweet girl...keep workin'. It's all so pretty.

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  11. YES!! Makes all the sense in the world to me. We sound like we are a lot alike and the way you feel seems like some stuff I have been going through with a lifelong friend of mine. It has been all consuming and making me sad which them kinda makes me mad .. a vicious cycle that I am trying to somehow, someway make easier/better/less painful. Good luck to you and HUGS!!!

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  12. YES!! Makes all the sense in the world to me. We sound like we are a lot alike and the way you feel seems like some stuff I have been going through with a lifelong friend of mine. It has been all consuming and making me sad which them kinda makes me mad .. a vicious cycle that I am trying to somehow, someway make easier/better/less painful. Good luck to you and HUGS!!!

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  13. First thing I thought about while reading this post is "wonder what her sign is?" So I'm asking, what is your sign - horoscope? I know you might not believe in this, but I do, and many times, how we react to and handle life stuff depends of course on our personalities but also on our signs.

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  14. Friend. I've been in pain since October. And tonight, I watched a celebration memorial service for Jessica Joy Rees and I am in bed now, completely exhausted. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. I thought I was dozing of to dreamland when I was prompted to pick up my phone and check Facebook. Your message of thanks was the first on my reel which prompted me to read this post (as I have been completely MIA in blogland lately!). And I do. And I am encouraged. And I know that this Lord who is celebrating the life of a most incredible girl know in his presence in heaven is still caring for me, talking to me via YOU. You eloquently put into words what I am feeling. You, my sweet girl are NOT alone. My present is tainted with my perspective right now and I needed your post to remind me that I am needing a shift of perspective. That he is continuing this work He began in me and I need to be faithful to Him that He will complete it. Thank YOU for your words. Hugs from SoCal. Xoxo

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  15. I cannot wait to get my print - yay! I have the perfect spot for it. Your table looks beautiful. Sending a little Florida Sunshine to brighten your day :)

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  16. What an amazing way to phrase things. I totally get it... and do the very same thing; feel more hurt by my thoughts and fretting and what-iffing, than the reality.

    Taking thoughts captive, such a struggle for me. Thank you so much for sharing your pain, this has been enlightening. I need to re-frame my own perspective.

    Praying peace fills you, and resolution of the pain.

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  17. Yes, by the power of the Holy Spirit we can change our frame, perspective, thought life. It is not easy. In a marriage book I recently read one of the exercises was to get an index card and on one side write: STOP! THINK! and on the other side write out Phil 4:4-7 or you could put the Isaiah verse you are praying. I have struggled with this my whole life, and I am finally doing this and it is working. Fight the good fight of faith and run the race, you will finish well with His grace!

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  18. Oh yeah, it's all in the way you look at it. Praying peace and resolution for you today.

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  19. I hope things get better for you really soon! It is hard when our feelings get hurt (especially from those we love) to see the big picture of what is really going on! I think we have all been there at some time in our lives!

    Nancy

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  20. I always enjoy your sunny outlook on life. I understand what you are talking about - praying peace over you today:)

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  21. I so get it.
    I could make my life SO much less complicated if I was able to turn off my 'hamster wheel' thoughts. But you know, all this hard stuff is gonna turn out beautiful. Keep seeking Him, and it will be good. I will be praying for you.
    And your new Etsy goodies . . . are SCRUMPTIOUS!

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  22. I hope things get easier and better for you soon. Love all your new creations!

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  23. Thank you for writing this down, and that amazing Beth Moore quote! I am dealing with similar hurts right now as well and learning the best thing I can do for myself is not to assume things. Focus on the truth of the situation at hand and not read into it. A post about it all will surly be coming soon. Thank you for being so encouraging!
    Sara
    www.greatwidenowhere.blogspot.com

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  24. I love your table! Matches your new ring. Keep your chin up Sasha. I've been reading quite awhile now but never comment.
    I just bought your heart necklace, I love it!

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  25. I don't remember where I read this but it has helped me. . .

    Our attitude towards a troublesome event changes the way we think and the way we feel.

    ATTITUDE leads to THOUGHTS lead to FEELINGS

    Attitude: This is a tragedy.
    Thoughts: This is terrible.
    Feelings: Depression or despair

    Attitude: This is a big problem.
    Thoughts: I can’t cope.
    Feelings: Stressed out

    Attitude: This is a challenge.
    Thoughts: I can handle this.
    Feelings: Interested

    Attitude: This is a lesson.
    Thoughts: I need this.
    Feelings: Gratitude

    Attitude: This is an opportunity.
    Thoughts: I love this.
    Feelings: Exhilarated

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  26. Very, very true. That Beth Moore is pretty spot on!! LOVE her. And you. You are doing great. Life is hard. Trying to not wallow in the hard, but see the good is very admirable.

    Oh my stars.... your etsy stuff is beyond cute. Love it.

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  27. Loved it and needed to hear it today :-)!

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  28. Sasha~This is the first time I've ever left you a message, although I should have done it countless times~considering all the days that God brought me here to you; knowing that YOU would have an encouraging word for me. I know so many of us can relate to the "wilderness" place you've found yourself in. All of us are allowed some time there. Just remember that by you being so transparent and wearing your heart on your sleeve, you're are a huge part of countless lives, and such a huge inspiration. You'll be in my prayers~Thank you for such a beautiful place to come to~

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  29. Love your thoughts. Yes, I totally know what you mean. Hang in there and thanks for sharing. Such a good reminder to take a peek at the frame that surrounds! HE's got this and you. :)

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  30. Sasha, Thank you sooo very much for not only your recent posts and photos but every day postings! I type not only for myself but for many many other women who are out there also reading and enjoying your blogs. We have laughed, we have cried, we have been in awe and we have been inspired. You have shown us, taught us, shared with us new ideas, new pathways, new photos, new recipes, and more. You have put onto the screen what we have or are living, what we have thought whether it is ourselves, a family member , a friend or neighbor......

    Our God is an awesome God. It is his plan and his timeline. He puts us in different situations at different times for us to be strengthen or to use us for the strength of others. We sometimes wonder why Lord? We need sometimes to just sit back and see why and what the Lord is doing? Sometimes it is Satan but sometimes it is the Lord.....

    As I read the comments before mine, I see that many many other women are going through the same thing. Whether they can put it into words or are able to share it, just think if your postings help or sheds light onto one woman! You have made me rethink of my situation in a whole other light and I will stop thinking the negative one sided way that I have been thinking for the last 2 years, the last 6 months and especially the last 3 months. Every time I see a frame, picture frame, door frame, mirror frame, I will see my life in a difference hue. I will no longer hide, walk on egg shells, be afraid, be ashamed.... All because you had the courage to open up, to reframe your thinking. For all this ... I thank you .. and give you HUGE hugs.

    Love you !!!!!!!

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  31. I so need this post right.this.minute! I have to fly tomorrow and I do not like to fly. My heart races, I dread the whole thing and have to pray through panic attacks. I have been praying, asking God to help me get through this. I want to enjoy flying, not hate it. I have been framing this whole situation wrong. I just wrote down, "flying is fun and exciting". I know for some people it is, so I am going to fake it until I make it. Sasha, you help me so much!!!

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  32. Hugs to you, Sasha. Maybe God lets you go through these times to learn these lessons because He knows you will share His encouragement with all of us! Love your words, love you!

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  33. Keep that Chin up. 2012 is going to be Awesome. I'm one that has a hard time choosing from all the different FRAMES. Changing your Frame is easier said than done. Keep Trying. You aren't Alone. :) Thanks for Sharing. I love your Blog and your spiritual Out look on all you do. Keep God as part of each Frame you choose and everything will work out just fine.

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  34. absolutely. and i also agree that God's current work on you must indeed be important. He won't allow pain that can't have some gain. and since you're trying to trust in Him & be led by Him, you'll experience that gain. i just hope & pray for you it's sooner rather than later :)

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  35. A book that has helped me with how I think is 'Loving God with all your Mind' by Elizabeth George. She pointed me to verses such as Phil 4:8 which tells us to think on what is TRUE. Hard to do, but so life-changing. All the best.

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  36. i struggle. struggle. struggle with this. sigh. i think we all do...and if you need an encourager, feel free to email me! :)

    love you, girl!

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  37. My husband does this often. I totally agree! Sometimes I think you have to learn to just let things go, but it is easier said than done. My husband and I had a great discussion of your post. Thanks for sharing.

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  38. I can totally relate to this, too. It's difficult when your mind just kind of does this without stopping to think --it feels out of our control but of course it really isn't. Thanks for your honesty and insight! And I hope you are able to work through this and come out the other side better.

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  39. I too wear my heart on my sleeve and often wish I could be a different person because it seems to get me into trouble or hurt more often than not.
    I have been following your blog for quite sometime but have never commented until today. I am in the exact same place you are...feeling kicked when I'm down, isolating myself from everyone and everything. I admittedly struggle with my faith for a number of reasons, so I lean on my Momma who has unwavering faith despite all she's been through in her life...and without going into details I can safely say it's been a huge test for her and a lesser person would have abandoned God countless times over. I am angry with God at the moment...trying to work through some things that have brought me such pain in my soul I can't begin to put it accurately into words. Re-framing my thoughts and perspective? I'll give it a shot because anywhere in my thoughts has to be better than where I am now. Thank you for so openly sharing your heart with all of us anonymous people that visit your blog regularly. You are NOT alone.
    Sending you much love xo

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  40. Absolutely! That's why we have to look from the filter of God's word. Simple answer but hard to do.
    God's still cookin on me too.

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