I've been failing in, and here's what I know. I'm a wife and mother of two. A friend to many. A daughter, daughter-in-law, sister to one, and sister-in-law to several. And over the course of the past weeks I've failed. I've failed when I set out to try harder. I've failed when I intended to reach out better. Failed when I meant to speak softer, spend better, think first, talk last, encourage continually. I've failed when I meant to push down pride. Failed when I fought jealousy and feelings of total inadequacy. Failed when I desperately needed, craved and wanted reassurance, to bow my knee to the one and only Source who gives it best. Sought it out in all the wrong places and turned up empty. I failed when I set out to catch up and not feel guilty. Failed in new commitments and the turning over of new leaves. Failed in not calling first, misunderstanding texts, not giving benefits of the doubt. I've failed at trying not to take personally, things I know were said thoughtlessly. I've failed at not stewing over them. I've failed at not repeating them to another. I've failed at not listening. I've failed at not asking the right questions and I've failed at not loving well.
he hugged my little paint smeared self. I haven't often felt like this- like nearly every aspect of nearly every relationship in my life is sitting amidst ruins I've created, participated in or been too late to stop somehow. Failure. (Oh I hate that word so much.)
my very own failure." And then I paused and asked Him, "So... is there anything at all that can be done with someone who breaks this many pretty plates?" (Okay, I spent a few minutes begging Him to show me how on earth He could possibly use a screw-up as awful as myself... a breaker of plates.)
beautiful mosaic can only be created after all the glass has first been broken." And that's when I had my answer. I may be a fantastic failure right now, in a lot of areas... but can it be used for something beautiful when in the hands of a Master? You bet it can.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God as done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11
As much as it kills me to put myself out there and confess, "Hey everyone, I'm a screw up!" I also feel relief in it. I'm nowhere close to perfect... but I serve a very perfect God who makes beautiful masterpieces out of little messed up lives like mine, and if that encourages you even a little, then I'll shout it from the rooftops.
Have you felt like a failure in anything lately? I hope you're encouraged that even your broken little messes can be arranged in a lovely pattern if you give them over to God.
Photos are from our little weekend room paint/refresh for Miss Ava. Paint, "Fleur de Sel" by Sherwin Williams.
Curtains, light fixture and duvet cover, Ikea.
Padded headboard is actually her old headboard, covered in quilt batting, fabric, and fabric covered buttons.
"A" above her bed from JoAnn and covered in matching gray fabric.
"No Place Like Home" artwork, here.