Monday, April 23, 2012

It always comes down to the "but...."

Do  you mind if I post a million photos of my sweet birthday girl while talking about a completely different heart-to-heart topic that I've been writing in my head for weeks now?  Thanks.  You guys are swell.
 I know this is going to sound weird, but I've been really chewing on the topic of fear ever since our dog Lucy was hit in a gruesome accident and died, earlier this month.  And when I say "chewing" what I really mean, is stewing, fretting, praying, and attempting to figure out why something like our family dog dying could unleash such emotional turmoil from my heart when it really had nothing to do with Lucy at all.
 I tried downplaying it.  Putting a fake smile over all the angst in my heart because how could I explain that I wasn't upset "just because of a dog" but something deeper... that was somehow connected to losing a precious pet?  It sounded stupid just typing it out, but the fear has been real. 
 We came home and all I could think was, "if this horrible thing could happen to our dog... what else could happen with our life?"  I had just begun a new bible study book called "Birds in my mustard tree" by Susanne Scheppmann.  After two years of living up in the air, on hold and feeling backwards in every way, I felt like my faith could use an overhaul so I nabbed this book at the bookstore.  (Plus if I'm honest, I liked the cover.  I was pretty and golden yellow.  I hate to admit to that kind of shallowness, but I like to keep it real, so there ya go.)
 I've been really terrified of surrendering all to Jesus because I've been afraid that if I did that... everything bad would happen.  If I said, "yes" (remember that's my word for the year) to Him and said, "take my life, every little part of it...and do what you want with it.. it's Yours," that He would take it. And give me cancer.  Or I'd lose my children to some horrific thing.  Or my marriage would suddenly crumble.  Or our house would burn down.  It goes on and on when you're riding that train.  The point is this; I've never been in control of a darn thing but I give myself the illusion of it by not letting go completely to a God who holds it all in His hand anyway.  I crush it tightly in my hands and though it's breaking and cutting my palm, I can't seem to open it up to the One who could fix it.  Does that make any sense? 
 Okay so anyway, I'm going along, doing this study... and we found ourselves in the book of Daniel.  If you're not familiar with it, there's these three dudes who won't bow down and worship the king's golden statue so he's threatening to toss their hineys into a furnace.  They say, "the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand O king.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve  your gods or worship the image of gold  you have set up."  Daniel 3:17b-18
 The prayer that was written out at the start of my study yesterday could have been plucked directly from my heart.  It read, "Lord God, I admit that I am afraid to trust You.  I worry that You will test my faith by allowing hard circumstances in my life...."

Um.  Yes.  I have been afraid of that.  Like cripplingly afraid. 
 Then to make it even more freaky-similar to my thoughts, Susanne said, "...We fear that if we decide to trust Him, He will allow something horrible in our lives.  We ask ourselves all sorts of fear-filled questions.  What if God sends me to Africa to be a missionary?  What if I get cancer?  What if He wants me to live a life of poverty like Mother Theresa?  What if He takes one of my children?  What if He desires I stay single?  What if? What if?  What if?" 
She continues to share and remind us that the three dudes about to get tossed into the fire were facing an enormous uncertainty- like so many of us are, in our real lives... and yet they choose to hold fast to their faith because they had decided that God was worthy of their faith and trust- and she adds "whether they lived or died."  None of us will live lives that are pain and problem free.  After holding this in my lap for hours over the past few weeks, I keep coming back to the same thing.  The key is in the "but..."  God can rescue us here on earth...but even if He doesn't... we must choose to trust Him with our everything.  Even if it's moment by moment.  "God I trust you with my children riding bikes where I can't see them."  "I choose to trust you with this relationship that I may lose."  "I choose to trust you with the unknown job situation facing me."

The "but..." is the watershed moment of truth where you take a stand against all fear and say, "This life might end up crumbling and I might limp across the finish line when it's all said and done, but...He is worth it... and I will choose to trust and surrender all." 

 Do you struggle with this topic like I do?  Do you think you can let go of your fears simply by choosing to do so?  





P.S. I'll be adding a few fun things like dandelion napkins, and beaded necklaces to my Etsy shop today, including these photos you see pictured above my bed.  (They are 16x20 size here). 

60 comments:

  1. I ABSOLUTELY struggle with this very same thing, on a daily basis. I am always afraid of "saying" I trust You, but Lord, please don't test me! And that's not trust at all is it? :-/

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  2. you've been reading my mail.
    actually i probably said that saying incorrectly as apparantly i get them all wrong.
    but ummmm. yes. i struggle with exactly what you wrote all the time.
    i love your post & i loved cutiepie ava with all her sweet faces
    & i love you bed too. even though that sounds weird

    you're awesome. thank you xoxo

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    1. I love it... a very well rounded comment. And it's totally okay for you to love my bed cause I had a dream that I came to your house with book club and spray painted a guitar belonging to your daughter and Dan was very upset with me. Don't even ask... cause I don't know...

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  3. Whew. As a mom of kids who are now driving...after watching a close friend and my teen daughter's best friend both die of cancer, I have allowed normal fear to become rather overwhelming. I, too, worry that my life, full of blessing and normalcy, will change in an instant. You summed it up so well in your description. I have "chosen" to let go of my fears, over and over, but I am obviously still hanging on. I would love to hear more of your thoughts on this as you are ready to share them. I really do want to trust enough to know that I can get through anything with Christ. Even saying it makes me shiver.

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  4. The photos of your daughter are precious, I also meant to add :)

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  6. yeah actually I've been struggling with fear as well im doing a blog series on my 7 biggest fears the one coming up the hardest for me to give to God, my brothers are both autistic and mentally much younger than they are when my parents are older they will have to live with me, when my parents pass away some day...how will I explain it to them? how will I let them know that mommy and daddy didn't just leave them that they aren't coming back but that doesn't mean that they don't love them...it brings tears to my eyes typing it out. It's a struggle for me to just trust the Lord that it will all work out and that's what im trying to do with my fear post im trying to address these fears because i think they stop me from living the life God wants for me. if you'd like to read it here's the link http://thelestersheartfilledhome.blogspot.com/2012/04/fear.html it's totally normal I think though to feel how you're feeling. it's the best and hardest thing to do...to give up our illusions of control and just give it to him (i mean he really has it in the first place it's just us accepting it all)

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  7. THANK YOU for addressing this. I feel that I trust God completely. I have seen how he has helped in my life. But in the back of my mind I keep thinking what is he going to test me with. My 2yr old son has some learning delays that they want to call autism, but have yet to say those words to me. We struggle day to day, and my husband is someone I barely like to spend 5 min with. Are these my tests? Or if I say out loud that I trust God completely with everything, is something going to get worse. I know I have no control and that scares and comforts me at the same time. Sorry for the babbling rant, but thank you for your post, I love to read your thoughts.

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  8. Thanks for sharing! Your (not so little) birthday girl is absolutley precious. Love the yellow and white and grey. I am definitelty guilty of picking up books just because I like the cover. It sounds like you got to enjoy the bonus of good stuff IN the book too! Fear is huge and crippling - God is good to set us free from it. Sometimes it is slow in coming....but it does! Keep your eyes on Him and know He is working with many others to set them free too! In other words, I am right there with you.

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  9. I could have written this post...I struggle with the same thing. Daily.

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  10. You articulated very well things that have been swirling in my heart for quite sometime now. After 17 years of owning a home, we are suddenly in our 3rd rental. I never thought we'd rent. I want the security of owning/buying a home again. After 24 years at the same job, my husband lost it. We used every penny of retirement. I'm looking for a job after raising kids for 21 years. My 21 year old son is job searching. My girls are ready to leave for college in the fall. I am crazy about my kids and want to be with them EVERY DAY. T R U S T. I have to do it. There's no other way to live in Christ without it. ♥

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  11. Yep, I think we all struggle with this. My sister sent me a quote last week, it said "Feed your faith and your fears with starve." I have found it to be so true! If I am not feeding my faith my fear grow, if I stop reading my bible and studying and striving to be close to Him, my fears grow. I think you are heading the right direction, You know what you have to do, and I dont' think it is ever easy. He will help you, He's just waiting for you to ask.

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  12. oh girl. i live in fear a lot. because lots of bad stuff has happened. my parents divorced when i was 5, my dad died of cancer when i was 9, i was abused, i have had bad health problems, then i married a widow. sometimes i think i have "suffered enough" (even though all that is hardly suffering compared to so many!) so God would never allow anything else bad to happen. but then i think, well since all that has happened, when is the next blow coming?? all that to say, i am so thankful to rest in the peace of Jesus. now to always rest there in that peace!

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    1. I would agree with you after reading that... you need smooth sailing ahead. Yep. Love you girly.

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  13. Thanks so much for writing this post. I can so relate to it. Trust is a huge issue for me. This really puts in into the lime light for me. I have to get it right. I need to stop worrying and start trusting. I say I do, but I don't live like it:( I can also identify with so many of your readers comments as well. Esp Wendy. We are in a similar position....

    Your daughter is a doll! Such great pix!!

    Blessings to you and your family,
    Elaine

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  14. Do I struggle with this? Funny you should ask. My word for 2012 is TRUST -- so you won't be surprised to hear that I wrestle with the same issues. I loved this post -- and you are not alone.

    Do I think we can let go of fear simply by choosing to do so. Absolutely, but I think this is KEY: ASK GOD FOR HELP. I think that sometimes I look at God like a teacher that's giving me a "grade", and I need to do MY best work in order to earn that grade. True, God wants me to do my best at all I do, BUT -- there's nothing that says he won't help me. He's just waiting to... if I will only ask him. God, PLEASE help me serve you this day. God, PLEASE help me bless others today. God PLEASE help me as I seek your will, and make the path clear. I get stuck on what I can do in my own strength, and I do it... forgetting to ask my Heavenly Father for help.

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  15. Its funny how God speaks to us sometimes to get "through" to us...the book you chose because you liked the cover for instance. He knew you needed that book...and He knew that you would be drawn to the "look" of it.

    He knew I needed to read your message today...I had this overwhelming desire to come and read your blog today. It made me cry to read the words you said...like you stole them from my heart. (but in a good way).

    It comforted me to know that I am not alone in these "fears". Our life has been so uncertain for this last year too...much like yours.

    I will pray for the both of us for complete surrender.

    God bless you!
    Angi

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  16. I deal with fear on a constant basis (I admit, I'm a worry wart). All of my grandparents are getting to the point where I know they are going to pass away soon, and I'm so scared that it will come too soon and I won't be prepared for it. I've come through to the other side of some pretty gut wrenching things, so I know I can make it through the hard stuff, but it is still difficult. I've come to trust that God will watch over me and will guide me through the tough times.

    Thanks for sharing this, Sasha. It was a really great, thought provoking post! Your daughter is sure a cutie!

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  17. I struggle in the same way. And I'm even pretty good at fooling myself into thinking and I've given everything to God. All my burdens and worries. But...and isn't that the key word...I come to the realization that I'm still clinging, still trying to fix things on my own. Make my own plans. Surrender...total surrender...is one hard thing to do.

    Thanks for being so vulnerable to share your struggles. You're definitely not the only one.

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  18. Oh, I have definitely struggled with the same thing! I fear the unknown and what will happen if I surrender completely. My husband could tell you that I do NOT like to be without a plan. Even though I rarely follow one ;-)

    Your birthday girl is absolutely gorgeous! Happy birthday! It's my husband's birthday today too, so I'd better get off the computer and bake him a pumpkin pie!

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  19. Oh let's all just have a big group hug right now!

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  20. I'm totally in tears reading this. I can't say I've struggled with the same issue, but a very similar one. After the birth of my second child, I lost it. I couldn't handle the fact I'd created a life that would feel pain and hardship and that would one day feel the possible pain of death. I've always always believed in God and that my children were His and not mine, but I felt guilt and pain at the thought of what they may have to go through. To this day I still struggle with it. I just read the verse in Matthew about worry, and how I'm supposed to give my worries to God, but wow is that hard. We talk about adding another child to our family and I'm not sure I can handle the guilt that goes with that right now. I pray nightly for guidance and trust and acceptance. I guess maybe your point is similar to mine. To just trusting and giving everything up to God. I find it interesting as well that people were quick to suggest anti-depressants, which would probably be very helpful for me, but this is so much bigger than a post partum moment. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the pictures of your beautiful birthday girl.

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  21. Sometimes I feel like I live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. When I was four, my Grandpa died. I loved him so much, and I still remember how crushing it was to lose him. Over the years, I've said good-bye to so many people that I loved so much. And I look around me trying to figure out who will be next. Who will God take away from me next? There are times when my husband goes to work and after he leaves I start to cry because I'm so scared that something will happen to him while he's gone.

    God has truthfully carried me through so much. And as far as deciding to let go of fear, I'm getting there. It's a constant battle for me, and I have to keep trying to really trust God. I think this might be something that I'll struggle with for the rest of my life. That doesn't mean that I can just give up and let fear take over though! I just realize that it's a battle I'll have to fight many times. The book "One Thousand Gifts" has helped me a lot. I'll have to find the one that you mentioned. I can use all the help I can get!

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  22. yes! and amen, sasha.
    i have been thinking these thoughts lately, too.
    being called to the mission field, not knowing where to go, or the types of persecution that may be there...i HAVE to trust that God is going to take me through wherever He leads, and that may mean struggles and suffering, but it is all worth it for the cause of Christ, and to further the Gospel that so many haven't yet heard.

    i still am scared, though.
    xo

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  23. It is easy for us to give into our fears. And as you know Sasha, after the past year I've had my worrying has intensified waiting for "what's next". When I was pregnant with our son, my husband and I would discuss how we would handle it if he had any problems when he was born. My husband would always say that "God only gives us what he feels we can handle". As well, my husband says that if you sit and worry about something happening and it doesn't you've wasted ALOT of time. And if it does happen, well, then you deal with it. (I need his voice of reason when mine is acting like a crazy person.) Remember you have a wonderful family and network of friends who love and support you. Try to live your life fear free and enjoy all the blesssings you have been given, don't let fear take one more minute away from of enjoying that. Donna in Kelowna

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  24. Ah Sasha, this is why we love you so much, cause you keep it real and share your struggles with us and yes I have to say that I thought that very same thing about surrendering all and then all kinds of bad things will happen. Funny thing is when I talk with others that need encouraging I will be the first one to say put it all in God's hands. He's got it....but surrendering all..Hmm, seems we always want to have a little bit of control when all He really wants is us to surrender ALL! Thanks so much for being so transparent and know that you aren't alone in that walk sister. I am right there beside ya feeling the same way.

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  25. Umm...my struggle for years now every day! Your honesty never ceases to amaze me. Bless you Sasha.
    Corie

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  26. oh, forgot to say Ava is just the cutest in all the photos and I am loving the gray, white and yellow in the room. So pretty. Did you take those pics above the bed?

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    1. Thanks girly! I did take those flower photos!! They turned out so cute that I listed them in my Etsy shop!

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  27. Ps.... I think this is why women need women! God fearing women to carry each other and listen to each others worrys. Together we search for answers In Gods word and take comfort in knowing we all have the same fears really.
    Corie...again

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    1. LOl I heard once that you don't need counseling if you have girlfriends. So true! (well, mostly) LOL

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  28. Rest assured that you are certainly not alone in your worries. It goes against every bit of my nature to give up control (yes, even to God unfortunately). I believe that this will continue to be a DAILY battle for me. Thank you for being so transparent. It is so comforting to know that others have the same struggles.

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  29. Sasha, God sends us teachers when we need them and you are exactly what I needed right now. I don't think I can't give it all to God because it scares me that he will take parts of it away, but rather, that I don't want to 'bother' him with things I could 'handle' on my own. Does that make any sense? Oh, maybe it is fear....maybe I will have to change and be someone that my friends won't like anymore. Oh, good grief....why can't I just open all the doors in my heart and let him in...even before I tidy up? Oh, my goodness, this is really making my eyes sweat. I need to sit down and talk with you and I don't even know where you are....I don't even know how I found your blog, which I love, BTW....Ah, the mysterious ways of our God....
    And your Ava is adorable. Thanks for listening.

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  30. I've been here too--and I like to keep the "big" stuff in the forefront to serve as reminders I guess of what if. . .like I need reminders, huh? Sigh. I think I will check that book out--and you articulated this topic sp well! And I just love the flowers over your bed--I just had a hunch that they were Sasha Originals: "

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  31. oh sister this is so gooooood! whatifwhatifwhatif can KILL a person! we just need to remember that ya, what IF and IF that thing DOES happen then God is still God and it'll still be ok. even if the worst WHAT IF's happen...fear's a faith zapper. xo, sweet thing. fear not.

    (did you know the most repeated direction in the bible is "do not fear/be afraid?" i find that interesting. like we have to be continually told. fear creeps in...do not fear.)

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  32. My struggles are different, but what I can tell you that fear is not of God. I wish I could remember the scripture, but it say that fear is of the devil. Satan wants us to fearful because he does not want us to be happy. He does not want us to have joy. He would be happy to bind us in his chains and drag us down. So how do we not have fear is as you said trust in him. Prepare and do our part. Be happy! Have joy! Yes, bad things happen to us , but that is the only way we can grow and become closer to him.

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  33. Oh girlie, It's all I can do to not just fed ex you a new puppy. Embrace that God is good even when things don't make sense. I think satan is just majorly playin with ya. Cast out that fear. And can I just say I'm in love with your room. It's gorgeous. Gorgeous!!

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  34. Gosh I struggle with that all the time. I look for God's direction in every situation, but when I begin to seek God's face, I encounter some attack from the enemy, and it's like... it makes it hard to seek God's face with my hands over my face and peeking between my fingers in fear.

    I do have a question - people often write and quote that God won't give us more than we can handle. Isn't it that God won't allow us to be tempted beyond what we can resist, and without making a way to escape the temptation? I Cor. 10:13. I don't know, sometimes there seems to be more than I can handle.

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    1. I heard once from our pastor, (and always say) that God WILL give us more than we can handle... but never more than HE can handle. We just have to press in to Him and use HIS strength.

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  35. I turned to your blog shortly after deciding not to blog about my doggy who was struck by a car and killed this past friday. I too felt the same feeling...i am so sad that we lost a family member...i am comforted in knowing that even through the pain we must focus on God's glory in all of this...i struggle with trusting God and walking in faith on a daily basis...thank you soo much for this post. your words are ever zoo encouraging and perfect.

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    1. I am so sorry about your puppy too! Thank you again for your kind words.

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  36. Oh, Sasha. I have been struggling with these exact feelings. I had not understood the "but" until now. Thank you, my dear! Your room is fantastic, by the way.

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  37. THANK YOU sooo much for this post. For putting yourself out there you made all of us women not feel so alone with our fears. God has put me through the ringer over the last 5 years. I wonder when I will emerge out and have some good. I have many blessings..3 healthy amazing kids, a great hubby and a roof. Financially we have fallen hard and our marriage was tested as well. I am happy to say we stood tall..bended alot but didn't break. The What If's can paralyze you for sure. It's a battle everyday. You are not alone in this! Thanks for always inspiring Sasha!

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  38. I guess I'll add my two cents to the group. I remember doing one of Beth Moore's live bible studies and she addressed this issue and she used the word then. If_________ happens, then God will__________. It was a great comfort to me. I have feared losing my dog because he previously belonged to a friend who was lost scuba diving in Mexico and he is my baby. I haven't had any biological children but my step daughter lives with me. That fear has not become reality for me, but it could happen at any time. I really feel your loss. Tears come with every animal I see not moving on the road. I have faced the cancer thing, I have lost a parent and was single till 46. God gives us the grace and strength we need to get through the trials. The fear is still there. It isn't healthy to go through life racked with fear as so many of us do, we just need to remember to give it over to Him as it hits. There is nothing we can face that He hasn't already. I think He was fearful when He prayed for the death He was about to face to be taken from Him. I hope you get a puppy soon.

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  39. PS..You're daughter is beyond beautiful!

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  40. What a wonderful post, I am still learning to try to ~ Trust him with my Everything ~ But being the woman that I am... I am so used to trying to carry the load for everyone in my life do ALL the everythings....but I have to learn to let go and give to him.....Blessings :) P.S your daughter is too cute :)

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  41. Hello Sasha,
    I have so many thoughts rushing around in my head I could write a mini-novella trying to capture them all. I loved your post and your photographs are adorable. Your daughter is a ray of living breathing sunshine.

    Rather than try to capture it all I'm just going to say this:

    You said you feel shallow for being drawn to the book by the colour of the cover and how pretty it was...did you consider that it's not being shallow at all; that it was God speaking to you, drawing your attention to the book so you would pick it up and purchase it?

    Just a thought.
    Thank you for sharing so openly...I learn a great deal from you.
    All the best and stay strong! You are an amazing person. :)

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  42. Oh sister....FEAR grips me like a vice sometimes....when my mind goes to the "what if" places.....What if I die as young as my mother and my kids don't get to grow up with a Mama...that is the worst.....and then I have to remind myself that God has not given us the spirit of fear but of sound mind (abbreviated).

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    1. I just LOVE this reminder. God has not given us a spirit of fear... that's going up on my wall tomorrow!

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  43. Love the yellow/grays...wondering where you found the patchwork coverlet??? Please do tell! So pretty! Totally understand that prayer & TRUSTING, really doing it, it is scary, but somewhere deep down I believe good things, nay, amazing things happen when we do.

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  44. Have you read Choosing to see, by Mary Beth Chapman? Wife of Steven Curtis Chapman. Good read I recommend it, Kindle addition is inexpensive, has some tipos but good for the price....Carol

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  45. Thank you so much for this post. Your heartfelt honesty is refreshing. Kinda like lemonade. :)
    Thank you!

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  46. Your post is exactly what's in my heart now. As a matter of fact, several bloggers I read are posting about this today. I think I need to be listening. I have the same fears as you, especially that if I really let God lead me to where I think he is, what trials will I face. Some of my most faithful friends have had such mighty tests. I struggle with this. Thank you so much for sharing your heart today.

    Love, Love, Love the photos above your bed. Are they yours? Beautiful.
    And so is your precious daughter.
    Have a blessed day.

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  47. I have really been living in fear for a good year now. I know it has always been there, but a hurdle in my marriage seems to have made it really apparent! Still struggling with trusting and faith... and this hurdle isn't easy to compromise on. I want to be healed of fear and insecurities. It's hard for me to believe.

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  48. As I sat on the kitchen floor a week after our daughter's wedding and a day after my husband had most of his right lung removed and just days before the whole family and church are gathering to celebrate the daughter's wedding with a big reception....all I could even muster of a prayer was "God is...." Nothing else came. As the tears streamed I came to a place of peace knowing that "God is" is enough. All the other things in life may come, go, or swirl violently around my head, but He is worthy, He is unchanging, and He is enough.

    You are not alone...others have walked in similar waters...and they have survived and can encourage you to persevere.
    You are not alone...He will not leave nor forsake you.
    Keep your eyes fixed on the one sure, unchanging thing that is always enough...Him.

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  49. sure do! just wrote an entire blog on it... it was like you took the words out of my mouth. surrender is the scariest word of all.

    thank you for reminding us that fear is somewhat normal.

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  50. This is something I have really struggled with in the past 9 months. I know what the Bible says is true and I really do believe it, but why can't I just trust it? ...why do I keep worrying or fretting over what could happen?...like I have any control over it what-so-ever!? As I look back over the past months, I have seen spiritual growth not only in myself but also in those who I have talked to about these fears/anxieties. Reading the Bible is a great place to find comfort and assurance, as well as listening to the preached word. This past Sunday, I was reminded that God is ruling and watching over us right now! Our pastor is preaching through Revelation and we are at chapter 4. In this chapter, John looks up into heaven and sees "one" sitting on the throne! To me that brought great comfort to know that he is the one orchestrating my life and not myself. No, it might not be the life that we would always like, but God has never promised our life to be peachy-keen on this earth. We will not experience our best life here on earth, but we can look forward to spending eternity in heaven and that will be amazing!!
    Hugs to you friend! ~Darlene

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  51. Oh Sasha, how I love your heart! This is the exact struggle that I have been trying to pray through for quite some time. I think I live my life in fear of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Obviously a lot of us do. Than you God for giving us emotional beings FRIENDS! I don't even know you personally (although I have friends who do and they were vying for your top spot yesterday on fb!lol) but you are truly a BLESSING! You spoke to my heart yet again :) P.S. I love your coverlet!

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  52. How many times - HOW MANY TIMES - have I felt this way? "God, I want to lay my life at your feet. You are Almighty God, holy and perfect. You are in control of all things and I trust you to have control in my life. Just please do not allow a family member to die, God. Not my husband or children. And please not me. I know kids need their mother." And then immediately think - oh no! Is that what will have to happen if I give Him the ok to do anything? Should I not pray that? Should I just pray for more trust?
    Yes, I have felt/feel that way too and soooo appreciate you being honest and saying it out loud. Maybe God looks at us as His children and says "You are trying. Keep putting your trust in Me. Keep giving up control. You're getting closer. " :)

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