Do you mind if I post a million photos of my sweet birthday girl while talking about a completely different heart-to-heart topic that I've been writing in my head for weeks now? Thanks. You guys are swell.
fear ever since our dog Lucy was hit in a gruesome accident and died, earlier this month. And when I say "chewing" what I really mean, is stewing, fretting, praying, and attempting to figure out why something like our family dog dying could unleash such emotional turmoil from my heart when it really had nothing to do with Lucy at all.
a fake smile over all the angst in my heart because how could I explain that I wasn't upset "just because of a dog" but something deeper... that was somehow connected to losing a precious pet? It sounded stupid just typing it out, but the fear has been real.
what else could happen with our life?" I had just begun a new bible study book called "Birds in my mustard tree" by Susanne Scheppmann. After two years of living up in the air, on hold and feeling backwards in every way, I felt like my faith could use an overhaul so I nabbed this book at the bookstore. (Plus if I'm honest, I liked the cover. I was pretty and golden yellow. I hate to admit to that kind of shallowness, but I like to keep it real, so there ya go.)
surrendering all to Jesus because I've been afraid that if I did that... everything bad would happen. If I said, "yes" (remember that's my word for the year) to Him and said, "take my life, every little part of it...and do what you want with it.. it's Yours," that He would take it. And give me cancer. Or I'd lose my children to some horrific thing. Or my marriage would suddenly crumble. Or our house would burn down. It goes on and on when you're riding that train. The point is this; I've never been in control of a darn thing but I give myself the illusion of it by not letting go completely to a God who holds it all in His hand anyway. I crush it tightly in my hands and though it's breaking and cutting my palm, I can't seem to open it up to the One who could fix it. Does that make any sense?
afraid to trust You. I worry that You will test my faith by allowing hard circumstances in my life...."
Um. Yes. I have been afraid of that. Like cripplingly afraid.
allow something horrible in our lives. We ask ourselves all sorts of fear-filled questions. What if God sends me to Africa to be a missionary? What if I get cancer? What if He wants me to live a life of poverty like Mother Theresa? What if He takes one of my children? What if He desires I stay single? What if? What if? What if?"
The key is in the "but..." God can rescue us here on earth...but even if He doesn't... we must choose to trust Him with our everything. Even if it's moment by moment. "God I trust you with my children riding bikes where I can't see them." "I choose to trust you with this relationship that I may lose." "I choose to trust you with the unknown job situation facing me."
The "but..." is the watershed moment of truth where you take a stand against all fear and say, "This life might end up crumbling and I might limp across the finish line when it's all said and done, but...He is worth it... and I will choose to trust and surrender all."
P.S. I'll be adding a few fun things like dandelion napkins, and beaded necklaces to my Etsy shop today, including these photos you see pictured above my bed. (They are 16x20 size here).