Thursday, May 3, 2012

April 365 "Dear Diary Snippets"

Dear Diary,
Today was an amazing family day filled with tons of quality time.  The kids awoke in our hotel room bright and early under the assumption that we were going to hit the pool at 8 am, all because the sign said the pool opened at 8 am.  (They woke us up at about 6:30 am, fully dressed in bathing suits and scuba masks.  If it wouldn't have been so early I would have found this completely hysterical.  As it was, Adrain and I rubbed the sleep out of our eyes and told them to wait at least until after breakfast.  That may have been the longest wait of their lives.)
Dear Diary,
The sun came out and because out vacation was just getting started, we decided to hit the beach with kids (still cold, in spite of sunshine, but that's life in the Pacific NW).  We ate dinner at a restaurant that would have been awful if the whole thing hadn't been so stinkin' funny.  Poor Adrain.... all he wanted was some crab.  I think our gluten-free requirements threw the entire place into a dither. Then... after kiddos had been tucked in for the night, we got a phone call that our dog Lucy had gone missing, so we frantically packed up and drove home through the night with sobbing kiddos. Ugh. 
Dear Diary,
So yeah... we left the hotel at about 9 pm last night, and drove the 6 hour drive home.  We were still about three hours from home when she was located and transported to an emergency vet hospital.  We were warned it didn't look good.  We got home just in time for Adrain to go in and say good bye to our doggy.  The kids and I huddled together in my bed, crying the whole time we waited for him, and it was around 4 am by the time Adrain got home and we all finally crawled into our own beds and we went through most of this day in a fog. 
Dear Diary,
Well, today felt weird but as we did laundry and tried to get our bearings, Ava suggested cupcakes to celebrate Lucy's dog life.  If nothing else, it made us smile for a while.  Our cupcakes totally rocked.  Gluten free vanilla bean was Ava's choice.  Gosh I hate seeing my kids cry.  At bedtime, I was brushing my teeth when I heard the sniffling outside my door.  I peeked around and my girl was starting to cry- I asked what was wrong, (totally forgetting for a second) and she wailed, "I miss Lucyyyyyyy."  Two hours later, I had her calmed down. Sometimes it's hard to be a Mama.
Dear Diary,
Today I dug out Gwenyth Paltrow's cookbook (you know, the one I've been meaning to make something out of) and decided to actually make a two week menu, and grocery list.  It's the first time in about six months that I've done that.  It felt good to stock up the house and make something fresh.  Something about being in the kitchen and putting things in order feeds the soul. 
Dear Diary,
I hate to say it, but I felt like I was just going through the motions all day long. I think everyone else had a good time.  It passed in kind of a blur...
 Dear Diary,
It sure doesn't feel like Easter this year.
 Dear Diary,
Easter.  He is risen and thank God for that. Literally.

Dear Diary,
I began this day by setting my alarm and beginning at the feet of Jesus. I prayed over my kids and my man and after dropping hoodlums off, I hit the trail and listened to an amazing worship playlist, basking in the sunshine, on my favorite morning walk.  I pony tailed my hair and ran around, checking off  errands, and then came home and painted those stripes I've been wanting to paint in the studio.  They turned out amazing. I needed that.
Dear Diary,
I have sunshine seeping through my windows today.  Much needed.  Much appreciated. 
 Dear Diary,
I love it when I pin an idea and then ACTUALLY do it. 
Dear Diary,
A storm moved in and I couldn't help snapping a photo of the creepy looking clouds and sky.  It quickly turned black.  I laughed and said, "Hey God, there's a dark cloud hanging over my house."  Of course there was.. but not in the sense I was joking about. Mostly.
 Dear Diary,
Who knew JJ loved lemon poppy seed muffins?  You think you know somebody...
 Dear Diary,
I bought myself some stationery.  I think I need a pen pal.  Ha! 
 Dear Diary,
Apparently one can never have too many nerf guns.  Especially in a neighborhood where nerf wars constantly break out on a daily basis.  My yard gets invaded by many little boys on the warpath.  It might be one of the cutest things ever...They spend 50% of their time discussing rules.  Which apparently are a very central part of the game, and to be taken very seriously.  Then they proceed to play, shooting everything that moves.  They frequently stop and have discussions/arguments about whether a hit constituted a "kill" and if that person was out of the game or not. It often boils down to technicalities.  Apparently if you are hit in the leg, you can't use that leg... and if you are hit in both legs, that means you'd better be crawling.  (Which explains the many hopping and crawling boys in my backyard right now.) Then after the bullets are spent, everyone goes into neutral time out and begins the laborious process of bullet collecting.  This tends to take a long time, as they match up who's bullets belong to which guns and count them to make sure all are accounted for.  And then it starts all over again.
 Dear Diary,
These lemon cookies were amazing and now all the Meyer lemons are gone and I don't feel guilty about wasting them. 
Dear Diary,
Nothing makes me happier than hearing, "Oooohhh Mama these are perfect!!"  Yep.  That's why they pay me the big bucks.  LOL
 Dear Diary,
I'm not responsible for my friends who show up with um... Pirate's punch. Am I?  And FYI, Cruzan Mango Rum is not gluten free.  Man I love Nurse Nicki.  She comes in, makes herself right at home and thinks she lives here or something.  I adore that.
 Dear Diary,
Today was Adrain's birthday and I gave him a photo book of his trip to Africa, but somehow missed an entire file with Massai photos.  How on EARTH did I do that?  I am making him Indian food tonight though, because I'm pretty sure he left a piece of his heart there.  And peaches and cream pie.  I think I can make up for it with that. 
 Dear Diary,
It's all so pretty.  And when you're a little girl, it means so much to have a pretty party. 
 Dear Diary,
Right now I'm reading "Gift from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh.  It's like a distant and old fashioned mentor's hug. I can't quite decide if I love it or not... I know I like it...
 Dear Diary,
There might not be much more fun, than having a reason to take tons of photos.  Snapping for my Etsy store today... Gosh I love this job!
 Dear Diary,
There's a rule in our house.  On your birthday, you must be woken up with cake- preferably a cupcake, and a candle.  And everyone else must be up and sing happy birthday to you.  And then you must eat that cake for your breakfast. It's important to follow the rules.
 Dear Diary,
My mom-in-law came for dinner.  I have to say, that woman is such a kick in the pants.  Oh we laughed and laughed and talked about the funniest things like painting our hands with Elmer's glue as kids and peeling it off.  It was fun to get her all to ourselves and not have to share her with Adrain's other siblings.  I made a simple shrimp salad with a chive vinaigrette and it was yummy.  Such a good night...
 Dear Diary,
I love my kids.  My boy makes me giggle more and more, each day.  How I love him.  I also nabbed a book by American Girl, on "growing up."  And flipping through it, I know it's time to begin reading it... but oh I'm not ready for all those talks just yet!!  I hope I can make that girl time as much fun as my Mama did.  Like joining a special club.  I still remember that.  It made the growing up process something to look forward to...
 Dear Diary,
I might be in love with this putty-colored cardigan that I got at Target in the clearance section last month.  I seem to wear it every other day.  Though it's better than my yoga pants, I couldn't help the pony tail.  Oops.  Mom-wear. Also, I'm standing on tip toes.  I wish I was taller. I'm just saying. Also, I love these old Target bootcut jeans better than every other pair of jeans in my closet.  How funny is that?  The cheapies are the favorites.
Dear Diary,
Can I be raw and real today and not scare anyone away cause so far I've really scaled down my raw-ness in my Dear Diary snippets, so as not to lose all my readers. I snapped this photo as I made it to my car after a six mile walk.  The third one this week.  It strikes me, as I review this past month, that I'm pushing my friends back right now, and doing an awful lot of alone-time chewing on things.  I've shut my phone off a lot this month.  I've said "no" a lot this month.  I've secluded myself a lot this month.  I've hid a lot this month.  It hasn't been the most fun month of my life, that's for sure...  but it seems that sometimes it's appropriate to do those things, if only for a short time... and if only so something can be achieved through it.  Solitude is often a necessary means of finding oneself again.  Right now, I'm intentionally swimming in it.  And I find myself realizing that though you may push your friends away.... the good ones always push back.  They take a momentary "no" but say, "okay, well how about next week?"  I find it incredible that every single woman in my life is just that kind of friend.  They know, even if we haven't really talked about it, that I'm struggling.  Not myself.  Working it out.  Two years of doubts, fears, frustrations, and questions hitting me full circle, unable to keep the balls in mid-air a second longer.  It's okay to let them drop sometimes so I'm letting them drop, and I'm asking the questions.  Doing the work. I know my friends are there, like a safety net on the periphery of my struggle.  I'm so grateful.   
 Dear Diary,
Today we worked on our garden, prepping it for plants.  First, we needed to yank out the weeds, turn over the soil, and for good measure, we cleaned it up, ripping it down to become a shorter, more accessible raised bed.  I love how my man took charge, enlisted the help of our hoodlums, and I love that my daughter came outside ready to work in the cutest ensemble she owns, complete with pink flower belt, and darling hair that she styled her self.  I love that she accessorized for this day outside with her Daddy.  I love that she dresses cute to impress him.  I love that he is impressed but still sends her back inside to change into older clothes!  She is my child, of that, there is no question.  I love how Adrain patiently instructed them both, and saw them as true helpers, not as patience taxers.  He is such an amazing man.
 Dear Diary,
After a full day of weeding, shopping for plants, managing kiddos, and planting a garden, I am tired.  And covered in dirt.  And my hair is crazy because I let the air dry it.  I look like a woman wearing a lion's mane.  And my children love it.  The End.
Dear Diary,
Sometimes a girl needs a little pick-me-up.  I'm not saying a girl can't be "enough" with out one... but a little pedicure, swipe of shimmery shadow, creamy blush, and dab of glossy pink color can't hurt either.  I seem to run out of everything at the same time.  I don't know why that is, but it sure is fun to stock back up again.

And with that, I conclude my April 365.  It was a tired month, if there can be such a thing.  It was sad at moments.  It made me dig deep.  It was also filled with tender moments and sweet celebrations.  Most of all... it was filled, and I suppose that's really living. But if April brought showers... (and it sure enough did) I'm hoping for the flowers that May promises to bring.


Lorraine and Jessica said...

You did have quite a month!! How amazing that God is there with you every single moment. The blessings that He's surrounded you with and the fact that you know it are priceless!! I loved your raw comments.....I don't think you should be afraid of losing readers, we all need to be raw now and then <3 Love your diary snippets and the 365 idea.....inspiring<3

Katie said...

Your photos always inspire me to get a better camera. I know what you mean about having a tired month, this month was emotional and tired for me too but for different reasons so I very much understand. Here's hoping for lots of May flowers for you!

Surrounded-By-Boys said...

I loved this post...just loved it. Praying for those "May flowers"......lots of love!

Fiona said...

I LOVE this. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, especially the ones about solitude. Fantastic. Lots of love xxx

Melissa said...

What a great recount - so awful about your dog though.

Alicia said...

these are ALWAYS my favorite posts. i just love you, sash. you're just the bee's knees in my opinion.


Blissful Blooms said...

What a beautiful month. Even with all the really hard stuff- we know that it all works out for His glory. Even the painful stuff. I completely understand the 'hiding away'- I kinda had a month like that too. I pray that you will be able to keep chattin' with God and draw closer to Him through all of this. (sometimes when I'm pulling away, I even try to pull away from Him- and that's never a good thing)
Blessings to you!

Mary said...

i love this.
i love that i feel like your my friend, even though we've never met, and i love your raw emotion and honesty.
i'll be your pen pal...and PLEASE can we chat about this growing up girl stuff?
i have had that american girl book for over a year, and can't bring myself to talk to my girls yet.
it is time, and i want to make it fun and not awkward...HELP!
hope may is a wonderful month for you.
i know you will make it great.

Elaine said...

I love the raw tender moments in this post. I am soooo sorry for your loss of Lucy, I'm sure it was heartbreaking for all. Praying for yall down here in Texas.

Angela said...

I love the way you shared your photos. I do Project 365 as well but, I've been posting my photos on a weekly basis. I like how you do it much better and I might just have to copy you. :)

Barbara said...

Love this, I'm sure Lucy loved that you all honored her with such cute cupcakes.

Happy May!

Lee said...

Ahh! Someone else who has the Gwyneth Paltrow cookbook. I read it last month from the library...but haven't tried any of the recipes. Yet.

I am a firm believer in the value of solitude in caring for ourselves. No matter how helpful or supportive or insightful the wonderful friends can be, sometimes you just need to step away and let everything settle into what feels best for you. The real friends - the ones who care - will, as you mention, understand and give you the space (but not so much space that you forget about how wonderful they are). Prayers to you as you swim through your solitude in search of answers. =)

lexsmama said...

So raw and so beautiful. That was a sweet recount of the month. I'm glad you posted on seclusion, because I have been kind of in the "I don't wannas" mood right now. Quite a nice idea.

daisy said...

Inspiring as always. Sending you a big bouquet of those May flowers!

Rachel said...

Wow! Your pictures are so beautiful! I'm definitely praying that you and your family will have May flowers and happy times during the months to come! :)

Farmgirl Paints said...

love every little hair on your pretty head. these are my favorite girlie. a glimpse into your real life. thank you for sharing yourself always. you're a gift.

onescrappychick said...

I had one of those kinds of months myself. I admire you for your honesty, because I've noticed that lately what I've done instead, is pull away from my blog as well. I used to be able to come and blog when I needed to vent or to spill my soul and let our my worries and frustrations. Now, I pull away and it goes quiet for a spell.. this last time was a full month. I know it's not helping me any, and it's not because I care who's reading it, because really, I don't think anyone even does anymore. I wish I had friends like you described in your post, because even after 10 yrs of living here, I still feel so alone. Still haven't made those true girlfriend connections. I laughed when I got to your stationary photo because I said right out loud, I'd love to be your I think you are the kind of friend I need in my own life. I hope May is fantastic for you.

Lara said...

Been feeling the same way about alone time lately. I think my problem is I'm an introvert trying to fit into an extrovert lifestyle. Our culture doesn't really encourage solitude and silence...they're kind of considered weird. Thanks for being honest; it was an encouragement! And I know you are going to find Jesus in a special way in this season!

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Awww.. praying right now, that you are blessed with a dear friend soon! We need friends... so important!

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...


Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Thank you... sweet thing.

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...


Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

I've been thinking of making it a link up project! I'd love to have you on there if I do that! :)

Kristin said...

Thanks for sharing your heart with us dear Sasha. It was a breath of fresh air to my soul this evening. Love your photos, love your thoughts, and just today I was thinking, "Gosh, when was the last time I ever got something in the mail that wasn't a bill, circular, or wedding invitation?". A very, very long time - that's when! I was just thinking I needed to take the time to drop someone a real live note, and maybe, if I was lucky, I'd get one back! If you're seriously looking for an every-now-and-then penpal who likes to send little papers of happiness to your mailbox, e-mail me, k? Hmmm, I used to have your address somewhere too...but I don't think I do anymore. - Anyway, let me know! Hugs, ~K

Meaningful Nest said...

I loved hearing about your month. The highs, the lows, and in-between. It makes me realize that we all really go through so many similar feelings and things as women and moms. As a new blogger, I need to know it's okay to be yourself and be 100% authentic. Thank you for being such an inspiration!

carissa at lowercase letters said...

beautiful, sash! just beautiful. you capture life perfectly - all of it - the hard and the pretty. and YOU, you are just so pretty... i really love your hair up like that with your cardy.

Kathy Olson said...

So sorry about your little dog and how hard the month has been. It does help to read that others go through hard days too- we can all relate and appreciate your transparency. Thanks so much!

sdcano said...

I beg you, please don't stop being real and raw!! That is the main reason I started reading your blog!! Continue to be YOU! Dont be a blogger that only talks about decorating, although I love this so much; I love more that you stick Jesus in there too! Thanks for taking your time to share you life, decorating, and Jesus with us!!!

Mary said...

I'm giggling at the post about your son playing nerf wars. It reminded me so much of my son and his friends when they were younger. They could play all day in the yard having so much fun. Thanks for the sweet memories.

Mary @

Anonymous said...

I love your blog! So much fun. Are those lemon cookies on April 16th, gluten free?? I would love the recipe if they are!

Thank you!