Friday, July 27, 2012

Always enough.

 Adrain and I have ventured into a new area of ministry and love it... but it takes a while to get your bearings, establish boundaries for time, emotional output, and brain power whenever you begin a new undertaking.  I tend to throw myself into these things and say yes to everything and regret it later... I'm working to ease into it slowly and see where God takes me personally,  and Adrain is an awesome partner because he keeps me totally in check.  It's much more pleasant that way I must say. 

A couple months ago, Adrain and I were sitting at a marriage retreat when we both realized out of the blue, that one of our passions were for young married couples.  Walking alongside them, and encouraging them to get their heads in the game and keep their feet firmly planted on the path God wants them to walk.  It's been thrilling to see the various sweet couples He has been placing into our lives since then.

What blows my mind is this. God always gives enough for the moment.  Always.  I've been getting to know Him all over again this month after going through and coming out the other side of a long and difficult personal journey.  A couple of years ago, we wanted to do "something" for God and we jumped in with both feet, thinking He was leading us one way.  Over and over again, we experienced Him roadblocking us, causing us to doubt we'd ever heard His leading in the first place.. or wondering how we'd gotten it so wrong and if we'd been hearing our OWN voices rather than His.  Over time that discouragement felt like a personal rejection and both Adrain and I have been on a faith journey like we'd never experienced.  Last month my prayers went a little like this, "God.  I don't like you very much.  I don't like what You've done and I don't like what You're doing.  This sucks.  The End."  Then of course I'd feel uber guilty and I'd realize that my attitude was spoiled and toddlerish so I'd take a deep breath and (often through tears of frustration) apologize for telling the God of the universe that I didn't like Him or His sucky plan, and I began asking Him to change my heart.  More to the point... I asked Him to change my feelings... and soften me again.  My heart had gone very cold toward Him.  (You know... because of His sucky plan and all.)

One day, I realized that I was miserable.  (It was way more than circumstantial misery- it was self-inflicted.) It often happens like that doesn't it?  You're going along, life is smacking you down a path you never chose and you start getting a little resentful toward the One who controls that life smacking, you begin fighting back with arrows of anger, frustration, bitterness and exasperation toward anyone in the way... and you suddenly realize that those feelings are just making you miserable.

I broke down in the semi-recent past and not only did I pray the sorry-for-saying-you-basically-suck-God prayer, I also prayed (more like begged and pleaded) the prodigal prayer.  "I want to come back.  Please take me back.  I can't stand this anymore and I can't stand this coldness I feel and I have to come back.  I'll do anything."

And with tears of regret over every feeling, choice, word, thought and fear I'd been letting take over my life, I felt His spirit nudge my heart with, "That's all it takes... just ask.  One step.  Open arms.  Come close."

And that was that.  My heart's been different ever since, and now we're doing a new thing.  Right here, in our old new house... the one that never sold.... the one we love.  Who knew.  (My man's job is still a point of contention but I do believe something delightful will eventually turn up where he's closer to us, or we're closer to him and there's a whole lot more to it than that but I'll keep it simple for now.) So the Adventure Chronicles continue and every day He has given us enough.  Whether it be enough work for me to make ends meet, enough encouragement to continue into a new ministry, enough forgiveness for myself and my naughty ways, or enough kindness and compassion that causes me to repent, it's always enough. I say all of that to encourage you in case you're where I was and struggling against feeling lost or cold or angry.  There is hope. 
"So he got up and went to his father.  But while he was still along way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."  
Luke 15:20


22 comments:

  1. I am so with you my friend! Your story is so beautifully unfolding in front of all of us. Thank you for sharing so faithfully, the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly;)

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  2. Isn't it great He is always there waiting for us to realize it :-) p.s. LOVE the lavender ~ Tammy

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  3. Love this! I go through time like this when I think I have it all figured out better then MY CREATOR!! Then,I run back and suddenly feel such a peace. Isn't' GRACE amazing!

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  4. I love your words AND your heart! Your words just spill out on the page in such a way that I can HEAR your voice whn I read them. I have also been having some issues lately about myself and I feel guilty because we are all God's children and I too feel miserable for feeling it!

    P.S. I love the lavender! I am going to check out your shop now to see if it is listed! I had a package of lavender packets in my hand yesterday at Home Goods, but I would rather have some from LMM!

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  5. i'm so happy that you and adrain get to minister young couples starting out. that is such a gift that you are able to share - experience. and thank God for grace to carry us through all of the seasons of our soul. love ya, girlie. thanks for sharing your seasons with all of us.

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  6. Love that you begged and pleaded with God. I do that all the time. And just like the sweet satchets you made, it waives up in a sweet fragrance. He doesn't care how we come to Him as long as we DO come to Him.

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  7. I'd just love it if we lived close enough to do lunch or breakfast or dinner or coffee or something!!! :)

    Andy and I also LOVE ministering to and encouraging young couples. We're honored to be able to do a lot of pre-marriage counseling for many couples who are newly engaged. We also LOVE surrounding ourselves with couples about 10 years ahead of us that can pour their wisdom into our hearts.

    The body of Christ is a beautiful thing. {most of the time} :)

    Hope you have a wonderful weekend, friend. love that you are raw and honest before the Lord....he loves you so much!!

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  8. Boy have I been there.......and back again.
    My sweet girl was born with Down syndrome. My only girl, my last baby. Talk about angry with God and not wanting to accept His sucky plan! There's so much more to my story, but to keep it short, we are celebrating her 2nd birthday tomorrow and I don't know how I was ever sad. She is pure joy (of course, 'cause that was His plan, too ;). He truly DOES give us the desires of our heart......even when we didn't know they were there. He truly knows best exactly what we need.
    And this is the scripture that brought me out of despair (the one I found written on an orange sticky note in my handwriting.....I have NO idea where it came from or when I wrote it, but it saved my life. Okay, that's another story all by itself :)...
    Psalm 34:17-18
    The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. He is near to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

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    1. darn ipad....wasn't done.
      Anyway, whew!!! "broken-hearted" & "crushed in spirit"....still gets me every time! CRUSHED.IN.SPIRIT.
      I remember sobbing after I read that and was finally able to accept the fact that the Lord really DOES love me and He HEARS me! He hears us.....whether we whisper or scream, ask nicely or beg. He hears us, He hears us, He hears us :)

      Oopsie....sorry to be a comment hogger! But thanks for your lovely writing and honest heart.

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  9. Sasha! Thanks for sharimg that! I have been in a sinilar place...Wanting more out of life but not really knowing God's best or where He might be leading right now. People all around me keep saying I have a HUGE ministry right where I am at. I keep looking at them and thinking, "Really? Ummmm.....To me this is just my life. I feel absorbed with myself and my family! Is THAT REALLY ministry?" Gid does send us seasons and I suppose thus could be it.....But that's why I am feeling less than impressed with HOW I follow Him and even with what seems to be His plan right now.

    So, thanks for reminding me that He is there, He has a plan, I am His, AND His grace is sufficient. In short,He is all I need. Anyone sho gets more Him from me is receiving ministering.

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  10. I did need to hear this, Sasha.
    Thank you.
    Your sachets are gorgeous, by the way.

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  11. Thanks for this! Needed to be reminded of this SO MUCH......not just this year, month or even this week, BUT RIGHT NOW! My heart is always so blessed by your way with words. You have a gift!!!!

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  12. Sasha,
    I am not sure you know the blessing that you are to all of us that read your blog. I just have to say time and time again your posts have blessed me just when I have needed it. I don't think that has been coincidence. I do believe that is a God thing.
    I am still on a journey of things being " not what I want them to be" ,but you always remind me and refocus me with your posts and for that I am so very grateful.
    Loving those sweet sachets.
    Hugs to you sweet friend for always sharing your heart.

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  13. You truly BLESS MY HEART sweet sister! amy~

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  14. This is a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your heart with us. :)

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  15. Love the new header! Glad to hear your good now.

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  16. I love it! Plus I am so jealous that of your room. Since the birth of our son and the want for him to have a safe place to play, the den, also once known as my craft room got turned into a playroom. While my crafty self is happy with that space for him, I got booted to the garage. I also must note, I live in Florida. Yep thats right, its freakin hot! lol. But I don't let that stop me from creating lovely craft projects. Thanks for sharing your lovely space.

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  17. Beautiful story... one that I can certainly relate to!

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  18. I just love your new "logo". And I'm with you on the rest of it to....I so look forward to reading your blog every day. :)

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  19. Hi there,

    I've subscribed to your blog as recently as last week and when this message arrived in my inbox I only had time to read the first part about you coming alongside young married couples but hadn't gotten to the other half - the half which touched me so deeply, because I can relate - until today. I'd kept this message in my inbox and just felt I had to read it. So I just finished it and I had to let you know, it was meant for me. Thank you for being so transparent and sharing it. God has used you in my life today. May He continue to do so for others. And the amazing thing for me is this: the thing you thought you'd possibly messed up in, became the thing He used to minister to someone else. I'm certain I'm not the only one.

    I'm looking forward to what else is coming.

    Love in Christ Jesus - our Unifier and Restorer,
    Jackie from South Africa

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  20. Loved this post....sounds like we've had similar journeys the past few years! Your sachets remind me of God's fragrance and grace.... ;)

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