Thursday, September 6, 2012

The good, the bad, and the pending.

I feel like we need to catch up over coffee.  (Tea in my case.) It's been a while, hasn't it?
We survived the first day of school by the skin of our teeth.  I'm going to kick this off with the "bad' because I need Mama advice. Here's the scoop.
We have some neighborhood boys who don't particularly get along with my son.  And he's not entirely innocent here, but there have been some really nasty words, actions against him, which have carried over from last year.  It's mainly recess and the bus.  Ava told me that they gang up on him on the bus rides (and recess from the sounds of it) and say things like, "Everyone who thinks JJ is a loser, raise your hand."  Schools been in session two days and we've had tears both days. 
The problem is, JJ is old enough that if I get involved (and I have before) these boys hit him harder with insults, and call him a baby and tell him to go run to his mommy and have me fight for him.  And dangit, but I want to!  He is more afraid of how they would react if I got involved, than he is about what they are doing and saying to him currently.  This sounds/feels like bullying but here's the biggest issue.  Language barrier.  My man has had discussions with their father (last year) and he doesn't get far because he doesn't speak their language!!  Argh!  It's so frustrating. 
JJ stayed inside a good portion of lunches and recesses last school year because no matter where he goes, these kids seem to find and follow him, and they do it so that they never get caught.  It's a hurtful word or comment as they pass when no teacher heard it.  I'm at my wit's end.  I honestly don't know what to do because I want to deal with this but the bus driver is oblivious and I can't control recess and JJ is begging me not to say anything so they don't make it worse!  He has to learn to deal with these kinds of nasty individuals in life right?  And yet this is killing us because I can not stand to see my son in tears at the end of every school day.  Any words of wisdom here?  Help!
Okay that's off my chest. Thanks for letting me get that out there.
 Now let's talk clothes for a minute. We'll call this "One shirt-four ways."  So yesterday was my errand day and I managed to squeeze in twenty minutes at my favorite consignment shop.  I had a little bit of credit for some summer clothes I'd dropped off months ago for donation... and as I sat in the parking lot gathering my purse and things, I prayed a prayer that went something like this, "Okay God... I need a really cute mom outfit... Please help.  Thanks."  (I like to think God enjoys fashion.)

Anyhow... I scored this darling tissue weight J.Crew coral-colored sweater for $3.00.  I was so excited with this immediate find that I went looking for accessories and things to pair with it. That's what I do.  I found the never-worn sporty tennis shoes and hey, they coordinated!! (So I grabbed em.)
 Then I found a jacket and a necklace (and a gray stripey shirt that I'll show in  a minute) and by this time, I had spent all my store credit, so I came home.
 At home I pulled out a scarf that I love, my favorite earrings, ballet flats and my fave cuff that Becky made me.
 
 This is my favorite.  This gray and white oxford shirt still had the original tags on it, so I double scored!  Oh happy (consignment shopping) day!
 
 In other news.  I now know why God made puppies so cute.  That would be so that you don't strangle them in the middle of the night when they have recently learned to howl.  Daisy is precious and last night was better than the two before it... but oh my word.  You forget.  Also, she will NOT get the hang of this potty training thing.  Again, you forget.
 My birthday is almost here... (Saturday) and I'll be hosting a giveaway so stay tuned!
And finally, I'm slowly beginning to restock my Etsy store.  Today I'll be filling it with cute chalkboards and chicken wire frames.  Yippee!

So that's the state of my world at the moment... what's going on with you these days?



81 comments:

  1. First and foremost, PRAYERS for you and JJ. It's heartbreaking to think of the damage these things can do to a young person. I feel your angst. But, God has a solution.

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  2. I'm so sorry about JJ being bullied. It's so painful when our kids are in pain. I have no advice, but am praying for God to intervene. BTW, love your clothes and how you put together the outfits. Darling!

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  3. I can feel JJ's pain, but the school should be doing something...you just never know if telling will fix it or make it worse. I do know that schools are doing major anti-bully training...at least here on my side of the country. And having been a teacher for 30+ years, I know you just can't see everything....
    It's a hard one, Sasha. Saying a prayer.
    And your outfits? WooHoo!

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  4. A) I NEVER score that well at consignment stores. WOW!
    B) Puppies are just like babies, aren't they?! And yes, you forget!
    C) This situation with JJ is just breakin' my heart. Truth be told, my oldest is so tenderhearted and "academic" that I'm afraid he might be a target at school, so my mama bear-ness enjoys homeschooling him for the moment. I know he can't live protected forever, though! I'll be covering JJ in prayer every day when we begin our day, and I'll be praying for those boys as well! They just need some major love and boundaries... Maybe talk to JJ's teacher and see if she can keep an eye on the situation best as possible? I don't know! HUGS to all of you!!

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  5. I'm so sad to hear about what has been happening with JJ. Before I began staying home with my own kids, I used to work with kids dealing with mental health issues and addiction in a treatment center. Bullying was something that we talked about frequently since it seemed to be happening to so many of them. These kids were already dealing with issues, many with depression, so we certainly didn't want added pressure on them. And while they felt the same way JJ did and didn't want me to intervene, there were just times that I had to. Most of the time I was able to explain to teachers and administrators at the school that these horrible comments were being made and they were then made aware of it and did their best to keep an eye on things in the halls, etc. I don't know what JJ's school is like, but perhaps that's an option?

    He's in my prayers. And you as well. It's tough being a mama!

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  6. Hey girl! Many prayers your way for you and JJ. Our oldest is also very tenderhearted and when I pray at their bedsides at night while they sleep my biggest prayer for him is that God protects his heart and spirit from being bullied, because he is an easy target. I think every family has to decide for themselves how best to deal with it. I think there are parents out there whose children are the bullies and it doesn't matter how much you talk with them, things will never change. Last year we had a kid following our 1st grader on the playground jerking his hood on his jacket anytime he tried to move and shoving him any chance he could when the teacher wasn't looking. I didn't hesitate to contact the teacher and she dealt with it right away. With that said I think when they are older when parents get involved it can sometimes get worse, but that's when Tom and I have decided we'd pull our kids and find another option. There is a fine balance between teaching our kids to learn to stand up for themselves and putting them in situations where they will perpetually be beat down. I think I was a strong little girl, but still remember moving to a new town in the 4th grade and a popular girl who didn't like me started a club called the "I hate Kristen" club. Twenty-five years later I still remember it and still dislike her. So sorry for all of this! Keep praying. God is big. He will make it stop, give you the wisdom on how to deal with this and grow during this time or maybe it's JJ making a great friend that he can hang with and the boys lose heart because it's no fun when it's more then one. Sorry. Kristen.O

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  7. Breaks my heart! I'd definitely be in Wendy's office first. If that got nowhere, I'd honestly go back to homeschooling. (That's just me though!) Actually it was bullying that started our homeschool journey to begin with. That doesn't solve the neighborhood part for him. Oh how I despise bullying. Those kids are generally bullied at home, sadly, even more heart breaking. I hope you find a solution.

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  8. My daughter is in a special ed day class. She is 8. She went to her class last year at the 2nd part of the year so they put her in with kinder/1st kids (even though she was in a mainstream 2nd grade class). This year she is in a special ed 3rd grade class. She has older kids in it as I think it might be 3/4 grades. Well. Someone put a note on her back that said 'loser.' She was SO upset and crushed. Then she got out of her seat to put something in the trash (a no-no) and when she came back her lunch was 'accidentally' (according to the teacher) dumped on the floor. I had sent a lunchable with her that day. So I know what you are going through. She is young enough I can talk to the teacher, but we are in a new school, both she and her sister (ADD, and just in a regular class) so I'm trying to get to know new school staff as well. I feel your pain. I know how you feel. I think I will just make the teacher aware of it and see what kind of reaction I get and if that helps any, if not, then I am not sure what we will do. I will be reading your comments to see what others say. Hugs to you Sasha. I know how you feel for your son. I can relate.

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  9. I wish I knew what to say to make all that school drama go away. It's such a painful place to be in as a momma. Grrrrrrr! On the other hand I love your outfits and my cuff popping up in there;) And sweet docile Daisy...that's my nickname for her. Can't wait to love on her and YOU!

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  10. I think you should approach the school - both the Principal and the teacher. Bullying has been around for a long time and the negative feelings and the memory from being bullied can last into adult hood.

    The school should organize bullying awareness campaigns and they can get the parents and the students involved!
    You can also get some other parents involved in this issue. Once the school sees that the parents are serious, they will be more likely to make a speedy commitment to this issue.

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  11. i'm so sorry about jj. i can't imagine how hard that is as a mother. can't they just stay in preschool forever?! i wish. i'll pray for you, for wisdom as to a remedy.

    those outfits are so lovely! you are the best consignment shopper there ever was.

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  12. I really feel for you on this topic with your sweet son. I can see where he doesn't want his Mom fighting his battles, but at the same time, he is at an age where this kind of bullying can really affect him. It's not fair that these kids taunt him and he has to ignore them or try to fight back. Does he have another boy his age that rides the bus that he could sit with? I'm thinking if he surrounds himself with other kids who are on his side than he can ignore them easier and not just feel like he is against them on his own. I would try to get other parents involved who have kids that your son can relate to and be friendly with and maybe that will help. I will say that nowadays it is considered much more serious to "bully" other kids. When I was in school 15-20 years ago, this would happen and I always thought it was so unfair they always punished both sets of kids. Teachers ought to know who is picking on other kids. Surely, there are monitors at recess that can make sure kids are not being taunted? I pray that you make it through this school year smoothly! xoxo

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  13. Sasha,
    This is bullying, plain & simple. I would call the bus company (the school should have the number) and talk to the person in charge about what is going on. Tell them you don't want your child singled out, but that the bullying has to stop. Our bus company has actually given kids assigned seats in some cases. Isn't it horrible that kids have to even deal with it? I would approach the recess problem through the principal, again telling them you don't want your kid singled out, but whoever is on recess duty needs to be aware of what is going on & put a stop to it. Keep on them until someone gets the message, or go higher up the ladder. All those anti-bullying programs don't mean a thing if the people in authority don't deal with the problems. (Sorry! I used to teach & bullying made me crazy.)
    Good luck! Saying a prayer for you...

    Shar

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    1. This is exactly right. You must go straight to the principal or VP in charge of discipline. They should require those non-English speaking parents in and speak to them in the language they understand. This is NOT okay and it cannot go on!
      Hugs to you guys. You are amazing parents and I know you will do the right thing for your family. God Bless You all!!

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  14. My first thought is that you need an advocate that speaks their language. The school should help you locate a volunteer parent or staff member to speak with the parents directly. The other parents need to be made to understand they are responsible for the actions of their children and will be held accountable. You should also keep a record of everything that is done to your son, every time you go to the school along with the names of who you speak with. Sometimes there is a resource police officer assigned to schools (sad state of our times)who may be able to help you advocate for your son, especially if he is being physically hurt. Best of luck. It's hard to put yourself out there when you think it may make things worse. But, you need to keep going for his benefit.

    Stephanie

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  15. From one Mother Bear to another...my answer for everything kid-related in situations like this is, "Some kids are just assholes." Yep. I said it. THAT being said, although I've never dealt with one of my kids being on the receiving end of this - I WILL say that I talk to my kids incessently about watching out for other's. The kid that is sitting alone at lunch, or opting to stay in during recess, or wandering off by themselves when out on the school hard. In life, you can't prevent the assholes out there. You just can't. BUT, you can do some behind the scenes facilitating that can kepe you in your son's good graces are far as your "involvement" (geesh, the things boys get embarassed about at this age! ha ha). I would call and ask to speak to the school counselor vs. the principal. Principals are great for Admin. stuff BUT it's the counselor I would contact. Give her names of these kids. Ask about her presence in the classrooms or about an anti-bullying assembly. It's the start of the school year - this should be happening. In addition, I'd email/call his teacher directly. Bless their hearts but sometimes they DO miss these things. They don't see what's going on during the bus ride, they don't go to the lunch room or recess...and if JJ chooses to stay IN at lunch he/she may just think he is a studious kiddo. There are those out there! :) I'd ask her to quietly implement pairing JJ up with another student that can be a 'pal' to him...maybe someone that rides his bus? Last year, this happened - my son was pulled aside before lunch by his teacher and asked to be a 'partner' for another kiddo in his class that was needing a buddy to help ease into the school year. Someone to be a friend during lunch, recess and overall keep their eye out as a friend. She KNEW that my Camden was an outgoing, well-liked kid but that he is also a GOOD, KIND person. JJ has someone JUST like that in his class now. His teacher can help facilitate that. I think once he get's going with someone that he know's has his back...whatever crap other people say won't sting as harshly. It's a battle for sure, this parenting thing. But, you are NOT alone. Truly. And neither is JJ...just look at all these amazing supportive comments and prayers coming your way for your young Man!! For YOU as well, you are doing the very best thing...keeping things inside and fretting over them makes YOU feel isolated and helpless. I'm glad you posted this sweet girl. You are going to get a TON of uplifting feedback. THESE are the posts. THESE are the comments that remind me what "Mommy Bloggin" is all about!! xoxo

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  16. The administration needs to be aware of what is happening. I don't know how large your school is and I know this sounds chauanistic (and is), but Adrain might want to be the one to talk. Our principal tends to think Moms in general baby their kids. When my husband has gone in to talk, things happen. I would have a list of what, when, who, where and how in hand as well. The bus driver needs to be made aware as well. I am so sorry JJ is having to deal with this..it is a tough one. Now...your clothes....super cute!!! And that puppy....oh my! Praying for you all, Sasha.

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  17. I have been there and we had these issues when my son was in elementary school. Two boys were ganging up and hitting my son in the bathroom in the after school YMCA latchkey program. It took some time of talking to the directors of the YMCA and school but these boys were kicked out of the program.

    Not sure if you have talked to the pricipal but that would definately be a step I would take and I would ask that these boys not be in the same classroom, this is what I did in our situation. I know our school district is very into the bullying awareness campaigns. I would always tell my son to turn the other cheek and seek an adult to help but then once I read an article on bullying that made good sense about standing up for themselves. I had a talk with my son and told him that if someone said something that was not nice like "You are stupid" you need to say that is wrong and I will not listen to you and walk away. When you don't cry and get upset the bully loses power. If you google someways for kids to stand up to bullys I think you will find some more information on ways to help him. This really worked for my son and in one case he got so confident that he stood up to a bully that was picking on his friend. He has never hit anyone and I don't agree with hitting.
    I also did a lot of praying when this was going on and I still do to this day. I have a very smart, good, caring and quiet son and I think that makes him a target. My prayers will be with you and JJ and these other children. My heart breaks for you because nothing is worse than when your child is hurting.

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  18. As for JJ? One word: Homeschool. :)

    As for Cute Mama Clothes? Wow! Adorable! We love our consignment stores out in "L-Town".


    :) :) :)

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  19. That breaks my heart!! Bullying should not be allowed and I believe that most schools now should have that policy in effect. I just saw this online, I havent even read it yet, but it may help. I will pray for JJ!!
    http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/09/05/back-to-school-what-need-to-know-about-bullying/

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  20. So much to comment on! First of all, my heart goes out to your son. I have no advice to offer as I don't have kids, but my heart was just breaking reading that. I hate how cruel kids are to each other. The only thing I can think of is, is there anyone at his school you can talk to, that he wouldn't have to know about? Maybe a school counselor or administrator who might be able to offer some guidance/support? My Mom works at a high school and I know for a fact that there are always things happening underground to help certain kids. Your son would maybe not even have to know you ever had the conversation. They are surely used to dealing with these kinds of issues and may have some ideas that you haven't thought of.

    As for your clothes, super cute. I love that blue and white striped shirt. You are literally so adorable.

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  21. I wouldn't make it known that I was the one intervening, but I would definitely get involved, and I wouldn't stop until these boys were monitored and dealt with. They can be assigned seats, or maybe JJ can just sit right at the front so they can't say anything near the driver. If that doesn't work, can you drive him to school? I am a firm believer in protecting our children from any hurtful influences. Yes, they need to learn to deal with other people and their quirks, but noone, even adults, ever needs to tolerate abuse. I want my girls to know that now so they will know what is acceptable when older. If they are in a situation where people are downright mean (and this is!) I do everything in my power to take them from it. The world is hard enough for our precious kiddos, and their own self doubt enough to battle, without the addition of others labeling them a loser.


    I would also go to the school and work with the teachers and administration. They really do want the kids to feel safe, but sometimes they need some prodding to be reminded to be super vigilant in the hallways. Things can be crazy in the hallway, and if they don't know something specific to look for, it can just be reduced to crowd and noise control. Since you can even tell the exact students, they should be able to keep an eye out.

    Above all, pray for God's wisdom in how to proceed, and for protection for JJ's heart from these children. I am constantly surprised at the level of mean in kids today, and know it is a spiritual battle. Our kids, as Christians, are targets of the enemy and he wants to deceive them into believing his lies, instead of God's truth, thay they are fearfully and wonderfully made. Who better to use to hurt them than their peers? It gets so tiresome, but I also am so thankful to God, even in these situations, because they give me opportunity to remind my girls that the only opinion that matters is God's.

    Sorry to be so bossy and rambly. This really hurts my heart, especially since my husband is a principal and he has dealt with mean kids (who typically have mean parents) so many times. One last thought, just to help JJ understand why they might be doing this, is that this is quite common in children from ESL (English second language) homes. They struggle with feeling different if their parents cannot speak English, and picking on others (especially those who have loving, involved parents) is a pre-emptive action to keep themselves "safe". Doesn't make it feel better, but it does sometimes ease the pain of the words when you realize they are mean out of fear of being hurt themselves.

    When we have faced hurtful times, the verse God has given me, is Exodus 14:14. SO comforting to be reminded that even when things seem so painful, God Himself is fighting for us. He loves us so much that He fights for us. Isn't that awesome? I am praying for you and your sweet boy.

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  22. Sasha, I never comment but I had to write something today! I remember some boys were saying some horrible things to me on the school bus when I was in grade school, so horrible that I cried and cried when I got off the bus. Of course the bus driver knew nothing. My mom ended up calling the school and contacting the bus driver and from then on it was taken care of- the one boy in particular even got expelled from school for a few weeks. It seemed like it just stopped from there, I think the fact that the bus driver knew full well what was going on now and wasn't having it, made a huge difference. Im praying for your JJ- hopefully things get better.
    -Krystal

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  23. Oh Sasha, that's heartbreaking (JJ, not your outfits ;D)

    I have to say that my first response would be HOMESCHOOL, but I know you've been there and moved on.

    Second, and maybe this is kind of off on a tangent, but from what I've seen and heard, public school approaches to "anti-bullying programs" are darn near worthless. They tend to divide kids more than conquer the problem. By that I mean that they tend to focus on what groups of kids get bullied (whether it's racial groups, special ed, "nerds", etc.), thereby emphasizing the differentness of the kids in those groups and then tend to lump treating others kindly and respectfully with all the PC "tolerance" dogma that just makes me want to vomit.

    And practically speaking, it sounds like these kids from a different culture - if not a different country, certainly a different culture in the home - and those kinds of messages are probably lost on them.

    I think your best bet is
    1. Document everything. Names. Dates. Actions. Have concrete information.
    2. Take your list with you, directly to the principal.
    Skip the school counselor. They're most often touch-feely types who will psychologize everything. It's really irrelevant what the home-life of these bullies is like, or what their motivation is, or how everyone feels about it... what's needed is concrete rules with immediate consequences for breaking them.
    3. Love the idea of sending Adrain, or at least going together and let him do the speaking.
    4. Present the problem, state that it's unacceptable, and ask, "What are you going to do about it?"

    And don't leave until you're satisfied.

    And/or... homeschool!

    Good luck...

    Jewels

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    1. this is great ideas. i like your point about the principal instead of the counselor. you're right...it doesn't really matter what upbringing the bully has had...they're bullying. doesn't matter why.

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  24. It seems like everyone is on the same page when it comes to bullying...it is just plain wrong but no one seems to be able to stop it! My little 8 year old grandson has a severe speech impediment and is in a "resource" class...I don't think he's experienced much negativity yet but it will come. His twin sister (a grade ahead) is very protective of him as we all are. I know this is wrong of me to say but God help ANYONE who says or does anything to that precious boy!

    I think there are many good ideas in the comments above and the main thing I take away from all of them is we have to be our children's advocates and stay after school administrators, etc. in order to protect them.

    Prayers for you and your family on this unacceptable situation.

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  25. OK, I have to correct myself. I didn't mean to say ESL children are typically bullies,not at all. I meant if they are misbehaving, my experience has been that this is a common way they act out:-)

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  26. welllll, i would have to say that definately sounds like bullying to me. UGH! why can kids be so mean??? i have never had to deal with this personally (yet), but i can tell you what dr. dobson says...and to me, he's the best advice-giver ever. he says that if you've done everything (talked to the teachers, the bus driver, the other parents, the mean kids)...if nothing is working, change schools. if there's no other school options...move. ya, that's what dr. dobson says. he says that bullying can leave permant scars that can carry over into adulthood like abuse from a parent would. he's very serious about bullying. i feel for you because i'm the mother that NONE of the other kids like. i'd have a hard time not punching anyone. then i'd be in jail...and my kid would still be bullied. not very much help longterm, but it sure would feel good right away! i'd get involved. he's your baby.

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  27. Sasha,

    I have been following your blog for over 2 years now and have never commented until now, but I just wanted to share alittle something. I feel your pain with the issues involving JJ, I am a mother of 3 boys ages 17,14, and 10 and dealt with the bullying in public schools until I began homeschooling 4 years ago. Only difference, at that time, was my husband was a teacher within the school system. So, when I went to speak to the principal about the bullying, he more or less stated that his hands were tied since my husband taught there and it might look like he was showing partiality to a teachers son. I was so furious when I left there, long story short, I prayed and prayed for resolution and sure enough,a new job came for my husband. God does protect & provide. You & Adrain will find your path with this as well, just keep the faith! Also, we recently lost our dog of 4 years about 2 months ago to a back injury and like you felt the emptiness in the home. We knew we had alot of love to give to another dog and found a puppy 4 weeks ago. Like you, puppy training seemed overwhelming the first couple of weeks! I was so discouraged it seemed like she just wasn't getting it you know? I didn't want to give up and just kept on trying the every hour to two hours let's go potty outside so you can get a treat thing that I found as the weeks have went on she was maturing and started to get the whole hang of things. I can actually say we have been accident free for a whole week! Just remember potty training with our children, it didn't happen overnite, but the persistence was well worth it. Don't give up I just know Daisy will catch on in the end and the enjoyment she will give you and your family will be oh so worth it! I know I have rambled on, but I just wanted to let you know that you have us readers out here rooting for YOU and your Family! Many Blessings, Kim B. from Tennessee

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  28. Sasha it breaks my heart to hear this about your sweet son. This bullying
    thing is everywhere. We have moved quite a bit and our son went
    through the same thing and maybe worse.
    Will email ya Sosa not to write a novel in my comment here.
    Will be praying for JJ and you.

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  29. SO, I'm not starting a debate, at all...and won't. But it DOES make me giggle and shake my head when people refer to counselors as "touchy feely"...isn't that REALLY the cry of everyone on here? That the world be a kinder, gentler, more empathetic and understanding environment - (aka "touchy feely") My husband is a police officer of many, many years and I'll tell ya...I don't just have a soft-heart for the victims. I WOULD like to see intervention, counseling and outreach for these young kids that are the bully. Some of the stories my husband comes home and tell's me about the living conditions and home life for some of the kids out in this world..it's a WONDER there aren't more problems. If even ONE 'touchy feely' counselor can get in there and work as an advocate or liason what an amazing difference it would make in the lives of ALL kids - and perhaps, prevent them into growig up into the type of adults my husband deals with every day :) Maybe I'M super 'touchy feely'...but I'll take that title!!! ;)

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  30. SO sorry to hear this story about your son. I'm a teacher so that is the lens that my advice is coming from... talk to the principal about the situation on the bus and how unsafe your child feels on his commute to school. Bring your husband along for support and affirmation of the troubles. Inform them that you would like something done but that you don't want it to come back to your son and risk further bullying. Ask them to say something along the lines of... they've gotten some serious complaints and that they need to follow up with them. The schools usually have interpreters or access to them so if other students are having trouble with these same boys maybe the counselor/interpreter at the school could get involved. Could you find other parents to go in with you to voice your concerns?

    Are there cameras on the bus? The bus driver might be able to do something to help so they administrators could talk to them about problem solving (assigned seats, mandatory separation, etc.), mention the bullying to his teacher and ask for her suggestions for his time in school, start documenting specific examples of bullying (the more specific proof you have the better) and take that to the school. In my experience, administrators listen better when there are documented facts about incidents rather than just telling them a list of things.

    Does he have any friends that would be willing to stick up for him or does everyone avoid those boys? Is it an option for you to pick up or take them to school on certain days of the week? Maybe changing up their routine so they aren't dealing with this everyday would help. It might also throw the bullies off because they never know when your son will be on the bus if he gets picked up randomly.

    Hope your son will have this situation resolved soon because school is supposed to be FUN and a place where kids can feel safe. Thanking of you. :) Whitney

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  31. gosh friend, i hate to hear what jj is dealing with. i know your heart is hurting...i'll be praying
    love your 4 ways to wear a shirt
    & that daisy, oh myword. what a cutie. here's hoping she stops the midnight howling!

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  32. Sasha, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I am going to keep it short and sweet! As a mom and an elementary school teacher, I would call the principal and teacher and set up a meeting to speak with them. If you want to email me in private with any questions, it is kgreen108@hotmail.com. And as a fellow consignment shop girlie, I love what you got! I remember an old post you had with a yellow handbag and a really cute shirt and bracelet and I loved it! Gotta love the "free money" to spend at the shop when you have credit!

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  33. I know that this won't totally take away the situation but I used to tell my kids that "the bullies" must be dealing with some major issues in their lives to be treating people the way they do. It helped my kids realize that "the bullies" were the ones with the problems and not them. Eventually things would get better as they learned to ignore and have a little compassion for them as hard as that may be. (I actually think kids are pretty good at it.)
    So sorry JJ has to go through this. What a brave boy to head off to school with a smile.

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  34. Wow Sasha! I just read through all these comments and there are some seriously wise women who read your blog. Praise God! The school district should have access to an interpreter. I would also put in a call to the transportation department. I never had the option of homeschooling but did commit to transporting my kids.

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  35. Hi Sasha,
    Well, my heart is breaking for your son, truly. I am not sure, but did you mention your son had Asperger's? My 13yod does and I put her in PS one year, one year only. She has been home schooled ever since. Now, homeschooling is great for her--not the greatest for me, but it did help with her social issues. She was bullied and picked on and reacted the same way as your son. I did intervene as I don't think the permanent scars of dealing with this BS is worth it. Kids who bully need to be dealt with and I don't care one fig what is going on in their home if it affects my child negatively. We have had to navigate social skills classes and private counseling and things get better with AS as they get older, but it can be tough. Hang in there and just keep advocating for your boy, whether in PS or home schooled:-) Another thought--did you do any good sized co-ops when you home schooled, most times I find the home schooled kids are a bit more patient and accepting as they usually are exposed to more kids with issues within their own family units.
    Blessings,
    Suzanne

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  36. breaks my heart about your son I hope everything settles down and those bullies just get tired. About Daisy have you tried a bell on the door? So everytime u take her out u hit the bell on the door it should hang on a string at her noses level so u ring it everytime u take her out eventually she will go over and hit the bell w/ her nose and that it the signal to take her out I even sa every time she touches it take her out even if she is just playing w/ it. It is not a toy. Once she gets it take the bell off and DONE!!!! Good luck!

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  37. Ok, I don't know if I should even say this, because it's not "proper" advice, but if you ever get desperate enough...

    I have taught my kids to stand up for themselves, and sometimes that means flipping out on another kid. That's not PC, but your kid has to get the message across to the other kids that he's not gonna take it. I'm not talking reverse bullying or anything, but some good firm standing up to the other kids, even possibly acting out in a crazy mad way. The other kids will never suspect such action coming from your son and it will throw them off guard. Hopefully long enough for the situation to get turned around. My daughter had to do this once. We even play acted it at home. Now she has all the boys guessing and people think twice before picking on her. The other girls come to her for protection and she stands up for them.

    Just my humble bit of (probably bad) advice.

    Prayers for you and your family. I can imagine how difficult it must be.
    ~FringeGirl

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  38. Please get involved. Go to school and talk to the principal, it is his job to investigate and check on your information. The school knows how to do it and protect your child. I know how hard it is I have two boys and both of them have autism so life sometimes get a little complicated here.
    You will be helping not only your child but also the "bad" boys because they need to understand that they can be better than that...
    Be strong, you can do it.
    Love

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  39. In my prayers, some great advice here, agree with KC.

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  40. Ohhh, we have been where you are with JJ. We chatted with his teacher, who shared with the principal. We made sure neither our son, nor classmates knew of our conversation. A talk with the class by a respected male teacher, ending with "we'll be watching you". We also talked with our son about how God was preparing him for some AMAZING things. God has a plan, and difficult situations are often in preparation for that special plan God has for him. Look at Joseph! He was abandoned, thrown in a pit, forgotten about in jail...for 20 years God was shaping him and molding him for his important job in Egypt! I know bullying is not acceptable, but we encouraged our son to be confident, and stand up for himself. The most effective approach for our son was our discussion about how God might use this situation for His glory! It almost gave him a "BRING IT" attitude and helped with his confidence. Pray, pray, pray.

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  41. First let me say how sorry I am to read about your son being bullied. I have two boys 18 and 13 and both have had to deal with being bullied at one point or another. My oldest never wanted me to get involved but when things just kept getting worse I said enough was enough. I emailed and talked with the school counselor first and then up the chain of command the whole way to the superintendent. I totally get JJ not wanting you to get involved but you are his advocate and the school officials are aware of this. They can investigate and get all the facts while protecting your son. Bullying is terrible and I see it quit often working in the public school system.
    Now my youngest was bullied two years ago on the bus. I was on the phone daily till the problem was solved. We have cameras on our bus which helped prove his case. It can be so hard knowing what to do. More than likely if these boys are doing this to your son then they are doing it to others and the school is already aware of their actions. What ever you decide good luck and I'll be praying for you and JJ.

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  42. So sorry to hear about JJ's school problems. I agree with some others....see if you can get involved without the boys knowing. I also think the advice of having your man talk to the school is a great idea. I do think of alot of people think we moms baby our children and so don't take the complaint seriously. I also believe that hurting people hurt others, and I have used this to explain mean behavior that my children have received. I know it doesn't make it better or make it go away but I think it is important for our children to realize that the bullying has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the fact that the bully is passing on his hurt feelings. That, of course, doesn't excuse the behavior...it is more of a way for our children to understand why it is happening.

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  43. Such a bad place he's in but you must go on your mama instinct, on this one. love the sweater total score!

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  44. I want to add my two cents worth here Because I do have some experience with this one. I am sorry for your son, it does sound like he is being bullied and the worst thing that could happen is if you get involved and either of them know about it. When my daughter was in 6th grade, some boys called her a big fat a.. cow. Yep! I lost it , I got on the bus and started to tell them off, the bus driver went ballistic, I almost got arrested and it made it 500 times worse for my daughter. So, call the principal, and get him involved, it's his job! Start there. If nothing happens, work your way up, encourage the principal to let you know what they are going to do and if and when they do it. That was the only way we helped my daughter. I'll be praying for you. It is hard not to react, but your son is right the kids will make it worse if you do.
    Blessings,
    Debbie

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  45. I am so sorry for JJ and what he is going through.
    I have been there with Zoe my eldest who just 8 weeks ago tried to kill herself over being bullied.
    All i can say is to talk to his teachers, the principal, the school counciller and i know that their parents are not listening but keep talking to them untill the realize that their kids are nothing but bullies.
    Talk to anyone and everyone who will listen.
    If nothing gets resolved then find a school that will support both JJ and your self.
    Zoe is on her way to recovering but we found out too late about the bulling as it started 12 months before we found out.
    You are a wonderful mother who is looking after the well being of her son, and don't feel bad for putting all this out there.
    The only way to stop bullying is to talk about it and make people aware.
    If you need anyone to talk to let me know and i will give you my email.
    Best of luck to JJ and yourself.
    Your Aussie friend,
    Shannan

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  46. eeekk. well, you've had an earful of advice already. but, first off, DRIVE hime to school. that seems like that alone may help. and i also thought of dobson's advice like alicia said. pray,see where the Lord leads. is it possible He is trying to lead you back to homeschool? if not, get directly involved with principal, etc. you have to! my niece was bullied a lot last year and she changed schools. the vp said you would be shocked at the stack of paperwork he has on bullying that goes on. unfortunately, it is kids getting beat up in bathrooms and on buses and it's brutal. and jr. high is that absolute worst, not sure if jj is there yet, but i know he's close. i am praying for him and your mama heart! makes me want to cry!


    cute outfits;) love the oxford!

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  47. I haven't had time to read the comments above, but in Maryland (and it may be a national thing) but anti-bullying is huge in our schools. They have to fill out a form and report it to the state (and the schools do NOT want this because it makes them look really, really bad) but I think it is also reported to the national level. If so, maybe the bus driver could report this so it would be coming from her and not you. I have filled out the forms before, maybe 6 years ago, and I can tell you that the school administrators do not like these forms filled out. Maybe start there and see how it goes. Good luck and please keep us posted!

    Karen
    Southern Maryland

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  48. My heart goes out to you! Would you ever consider home schooling? You could maybe just pray about it and see what happens? You are a precious mom!!

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  49. My husband and I dealt with this exact circumstance. Our younger son was a victim of bullying. My husband and I made an appointment with the school principal. We also requested that the school counselor, teacher and bus driver attend. That way all involved heard our concerns and all of us discussed how to deal with it. In our case the bus was equipped with a video camera and an adult monitor was placed on the bus. In the classroom, at recess and lunch the teachers and other staff were aware and closely monitored the actions of the boys who were bullying.

    Additionally, the school involved the parents of the bullys. Fortunately, along with the school staff the parents were proactive and the bullying was addressed and overtime (about 2 months) the bullys behaviors were corrected.

    Our daughter was also bullied. At our church catechism classes. The pastor and education coordinator were not inclined to address the issue with the other parents. In the end, for the sake of our daughter, we left that church.

    I wish you well in working through this. I believe your son deserves to feel safe at school and on the bus.

    I LOVE thrifting. It amazes me how many times I find BRAND NEW CLOTHES WITH TAGS ON. I recently found a new mens wool sport coat. My hubs was the beneficiary of a $300.00 item for $12.00!

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  50. We too have a new puppy, which if you get the notion, you can coo over in my Fun Schtuff album on facebook. She also is being kept alive by her cuteness, as she also cannot get the whole hang of potty training and thinks we're killing her when we put her to bed at night. I'm glad someone else is going through this at the same time as me. It's my first puppy and I am now realizing that no one was joking about the sleep they steal from you.

    Sasha, I agree with having your husband get involved with the school. They, I'm sure, do speak his language and I think that God made men to be the leaders of the family for a reason. I'll be praying about your son. My oldest son and my daughter sometimes struggle with these issues, sadly, even within our church. My son is big for his age and most people think he's 13 when he's only 8. So most of his friends who are 12 or 13 expect him to take ribbing and sarcasm like a man, when he's really still a boy. And my daughter is a sensitive tomboy who'd rather play sports with the boys than pretend with the girls. So she ends up feeling hurt when they treat her exactly like they would each other, oblivious to the fact that she's a little tender.

    I know that you're saying it makes it worse for you to get involved and I know how that can go. So I'm praying that the right people will take notice (or have their attention brought to the situation).

    Perhaps you could start praying for the mean boys. You and JJ together or your whole family could pray that Jesus would change their hearts and their lives. I'm sure their home lives are less than desirable in some aspect if they're taking out their angst on other kids. If God is allowing it so far, then He can use it to grow JJ's faith. Just like with Joseph and his horrible brothers, what man meant for evil, God can use for good. I hope today is a better today, sweet mama.

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  51. I am so sorry about your son. He shouldn't have to suffer like that. School should be a safe place for our kids. Have you talked to the teacher and Principal or even a school counsellor? My son had some of that and it made him physically ill. He was hospitalized 2x . He would make himself sick just before school started each year.

    Put your faith in God. I'll pray for your family and especially J.J. Those mean boys need some prayers to soften their hearts. J.J. can receive strength from God and then he'll know what to do and even get the courage to stand up to those boys, through God's help. Much Love.

    I Love, Love, Love your blog!

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  52. So sorry to hear about your son's issues -- so unfair!! My son went through something similar at school. We eventually moved him to a private Catholic school and he excelled and no longer hated school. He's now a doctor!! :) My Dad has driven school buses and noted they have a no tolerance stand on bullying and/or acting up on the buses. I know you will do what works for you and your family. Keeping you all in my prayers -it is so hard.

    janet

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  53. I'm so sorry to read about the problem that JJ is facing right now. There is nothing more heartbreaking for a young child to deal with or for a parent too. My son also experienced bullying when he was in elementary school and talking with the principal did very little to resolve the problem. Hopefully, with the nation wide exposure of bullying as being a true problem, JJs school has a program in place and you are able to discuss a way forward with the student counselors as to the best way forward to resolve this problem. To let this continue doesn't help JJ or the boys creating the problem.

    Have you considered inviting the boys over to your house on a Friday evening or Saturday morning and having some activities the boys can do together as an effort to get to know one another? Knock on their door, let their Mom know you'd like to have the boys over so everyone can get to know each other better! I would highly recommend that you or your husband work with the boys on the activities, or remain present, talk with the boys about school, etc. (not the bullying problem though), keep the two problem kids separated (slyly stick JJ in the middle) and let them conduct activities together. Have them stick around for lunch...have them make individual pizza's!!! Food is always a wonderful and fun thing in your home and what young boy wouldn't enjoy eating pizza! Oh, and let's not forget...you have a PUPPY!!!! What boy doesn't like to play with a puppy!!!!

    http://frugalfun4boys.com/2012/03/19/electricity-experiments-for-kids/

    http://www.teachpreschool.org/2012/05/erupting-volcanoes-in-preschool/

    http://theboysstore.com/blog/general/2597/ (great on a Friday evening then follow with a backyard camp fire and roast hot dogs for dinner and marshmallows for smores!)

    Praying for JJ, the boys and for your family. May these young boys find peace with each other and in their sweet little hearts.

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  54. HI there...I don't often comment..I should though! LOVE your blog!

    J.J. should not have to tolerate this...ever. OUr school too. like others, has a zero tolerance for bullying at any level. YOu can get involved without those boys (the bullirs) knowing. Talk to Principal, who should then bring in bus driver, and teachers that monitor recess......and you and your hubby...and maybe those parents too......who may be clueless as to what is going on.......and get it handled. Just tell JJ you are taking it out of his hands and putting in the school's hands. If it continues after that, do it again. The boys will STOP after they know they will get in trouble EVERY time. Again....I bet your school has a bullying program of some kind and my guess is this will be handled. Too much of this is going on and kiddos are getting hurt........good luck! Lots of prayer for you and the situation!!! :)

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  55. Bullying gets me so riled. Definitely makes the Mama Bear come out. I don't know if you've heard of it or somebody's already mentioned it, but there's a parenting philosophy (I guess you'd call it that) called Love & Logic. Lots of books and tapes available (I've borrowed mine through the school or public library). Here is a link to some episodes from their radio show: https://www.loveandlogic.com/feeds/loveandlogic.rss scroll down until you see the segments on bullying. Don't be turned off by the corny music, etc. ;)

    Best of luck to you both.

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  56. Sasha,
    I'm so sorry to hear you already dealing with this, with school just starting. This is my worst fear for my kids and i know you feel torn to do what JJ wants and what you want to do as a mama! Even thought JJ can't see the big picture, you have to get involved and get these kids to STOP bullying. They have got to be held accountable for there actions. Prayers go out to you all!

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  57. As a former educator I would RUN not walk into the school and file a complaint. It is their job to find someone to translate with the parents of the children who are bullying. I would make 100% sure the school knows you are documenting the bullying and I would ask for a paper or emailed copy of your complaint. Once documentation starts most schools feel compelled - at least legally if not morally - to work hard to smash the situation.
    I agree with other comments that the bus driver, teachers, and lunch monitors should be brought into the solution. AND it should not be JJ who sits out of recess or sits up front in the bus, it should be the bullies.

    I know JJ doesn't want to make it worse, and i get that, but it can be handled by professionals in a way that allows them to witness the bullying and stop it. If they are on the look out for it, they will see it. And if the bus driver can't identify bullying, they need to get an additional human monitor on the bus until it stops.

    Document - document - document. If it's been going on over a year, it should be stopped.

    * I ALWAYS told my kids that people who bully others do so because it has been done to them.

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  58. My heart aches for JJ and for your family. Bullying is NOT to be tolerated. I agree with many who have commented - talk with the principal - both parents as a united front. It saddens me, as well, that those bullying feel the need to bully. I also agree that documentation is needed to hold the school and the bus company accountable to observe and stop these behaviors. I hope that it stops - now!

    I was bullied on the school bus as a young girl in junior high school (middle school). I was afraid to tell my parents or teachers. For months, I walked the three miles to school to avoid the bus ride (in the dead of winter). I finally stood up for myself - but the scars are still there. I wish I had told my mother. This happened over 40 years ago - so bullying can have longterm impact.

    I send you and your family my prayers and pray that God's love covers JJ.
    Psalm 91:4
    He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

    Deb

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  59. Your son's story breaks my heart. I'm sure lots of comments have suggested this already, but I would:
    1) Call transportation. Tell them to have their driver wake up and do his or her job! He/she is responsible for the well being of your children just like any other caregiver. Where I'm from, riding the bus is a privledge (sp?) not a right, and if those jerks get suspended/expelled from riding the bus, maybe then their parents will get the message.
    2) Call the school administration. Bullying is such a hot issue right now, I'm sure the Principal would want to know. Maybe they can get all of the staff on board with keeping their eyes and ears open for the quick comments and nasty remarks.

    Fingers crossed that things get better for JJ. :)

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  60. Ever heard the song, "God will make a way... (where there seems to be no way)" ?? I believe it was written in pretty dire circumstances, and yet... it applies to everything in our lives, really.

    Since you feel like you are at an impass with JJ's situation, I'm going to pray that God will move mightily on behalf of JJ, and IN the lives of these bullying boys.

    Also, I will tell you briefly (or not) that we had a (small) theft issue at school. My daughter had a small amount of money taken from her backpack. She couldn't prove who had done it, and yet was quite sure when she narrowed it down. Although it was only a small amount of money, and we were not looking to recover it, I contacted her guidance counselor, and asked her advice. She told me to contact the assist.prin. and tell him about the situation. The girl who we believe took it has (according to my kids) other issues... and I was more concerned that if she is stealing from others as well, that the pattern be noted and observed. The assist.prin. is having my daughter fill out an incident report, and will turn it over to school security.

    I feel relieved that they are aware of the situation. In the meantime, we have put it behind us -- and all in time for the weekend. God is good!

    I'll be praying, Sasha! ~Sally

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    1. I just re-read this comment Sasha, and it's all about me, and that's not how I meant it to come across!!! I told you that story about my daughter to ENCOURAGE you to speak with someone at JJ's school. But -- duh. I didn't really SAY that did I? So sorry. I really am praying! =/ ~Sally

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  61. okay, i had to come back this morning! i was thinking about my hubby and how in 6th grade he was bullied for a couple months. one day he stood up and punched the kid square in the nose. yes he got in trouble at school, but he was never picked on again. i know that's an unpopular answer to solve with 'violence', but honestly, sometimes the bully needs to be put in their place. hope this doesn't offend. there is a book called No More Christian Nice Guy and he has another one called No More Jelly Fish , Chickens or Wimps. he lives in ym area and has a lot of info on how to handle bullies. <3

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    1. Love this, Mandy! My husband always tells my son to just punch those kids that bully him and I'm always saying, "No, tell the teacher." My husband was always getting into fights growing up, so he definitely has that mentality, but it stops people from picking on you.
      Not that it makes it okay...

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  62. Okay, as a teacher and a mom, I totally am sad that this is happening to your sweet J. J. It is so unfair when things like this are happening and you feel helpless as a mom. Does your school have a ZERO TOLERANCE for BULLYING??? It sounds like they are tolerating it. I would go to the principal and /or teachers about this ASAP. IF they call him a baby, loser, whatever, they are doing so because they know they've been caught. It is so hard to acknowledge that bullies are actually scared and insecure inside and that is why they do what they do, to make themselves feel better. Although that tidbit doesn't help the situation, if you look at them as hurting, too, it may make it easier to work on the problem. If there is a language barrier, is there a translator and/or mediator that can help? The principal, in my opinion, should be all over this situation and working on this as a priority. Our nation has gotten out of control with kids and bullying and it has to stop. A meeting with the principal, parents, a translator, and the boys is in order! That is just my educator/mom opinion. :) I will say some prayers that this situation gets better. NO CHILD should be coming home from school crying that they were not treated well. It is up to the adults at the school (and the bus driver) to make this right.

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  63. My heart is so sad right now after reading this. I'm so sorry and can't even imagine. We are homeschoolers but thinking about it, if any of my children came home from school in tears I'd be crushed. This is a serious issue. I hope you can get the school involved. These children need to be removed from the school to put an end to this. If the school won't do their part to take care of the problem, you might want to consider taking your own children out of that school and either home school or see if you can get them into a different school if that is the best option for your family.

    Oh a happier note, love the outfits! Great job. Going to your shop now to check out your collection!

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  64. Your getting lots of advice, and perhaps mine will not be the best, but I couldn't help but leave a note when I saw your son's beautiful blue eyes and my heart just broke within my chest to think that any young boy would endure the taunts of this world. Ugh! It's sickening. And I feel the Mama Bear in me just ready to pounce and he's not even mine! The horrible, unfair news is that we can't always be there to protect our little ones. The wonderful, sublime and truly comforting news is that God is always there and your son needs to know that. (I'm sure you've told him this, but they forget that it applies to moments like this). I would pray with him for these boys. I would pray with him for ideas of how to turn their hearts with kindness. These are good boys who have just turned bully because they're taught by this world that putting others down lifts them up. But it doesn't. It feels sick and heavy and this isn't about rescuing one boy. It's about rescuing all of them. Pray for them, bring their family cookies, bring along an interpreter (someone who knows their language and wouldn't mind helping to share your concerns with kindness), and above all, follow that instinct that pricks your heart, pushes and won't let go. You're going to get lots of great advice, but the right stuff will strike you between the eyes and you'll know, this is what I should do. Courage, Mama! You are an amazing woman and that boy of yours is capable of dealing with this and so much more. You're in my prayers for a positive resolution.
    And just to be clear, I love your mad shopping skills!

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  65. Hi Sasha, I'm so sorry for what JJ is going thru, I remember being Picked on when I was younger, and it was horrible, but back then, we did not have a big movement against bulliyng. I really believe you need to sit down together with his teacher(s) and principal, so that all of you can be on the same page. I know in my district, I can request my child be transferred to a different class or even school, and I also know that these bullies could be transferred to a school with kids with behavioral problems, because that is what bulliyng is. I also suggest you drive them to and from school, the bus driver may not have any power to do anything, and she/he is probably trying to concentrate on the route, and may be clueless. I wish you all the best of luck, my son is the same age as yours, and sweet, too sweet that I sometimes worry, and I'm not going to lie, if that ever happened to him, I would homeschool him in a heart beat. But at the same time, it's something that they need to learn how to cope with, because we won't be there for them forever.

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  66. How did I miss this post? Oh, it just breaks my heart for your family. The school should know about it and do something. There are anti-bullying programs in most schools. JJ needs to understand that he doesn't have to be a victim. Can you brainstorm as a family to come up with ideas about how best to handle the situation? He needs to feel empowered. My heart goes out to all of you.
    When something similar happened with my son, I wrote him a social story and we talked about it. We homeschool now and I can't see going back. No, I can't protect him forever, but I can support him in social situations until he is able to deal with them himself.

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  67. Oh sweetie! This post made me want to scream! I was bullied in a new school as a little 4th grader and full on punched in the stomach by her. She would follow me around at recess and call me names. It was horrible. I did go through a time of asking to stay in at recess to do extra credit work. Finally some popular twin girls befriended me and then she just finally started leaving me alone. I still felt her hatred but she didn't make it so obvious anymore.

    My now 4th grade son is very tenderhearted and also very small for his age. Our tiny rural school has only 7 students and 6 of them are girls. So, he doesn't really get bullied, especially not at school since they are VERY well supervised. :) However, during other small town gatherings where the kids roam around freely, the younger girls have recently been punching him. He is such a sweet boy and knows not to ever hit, especially girls. So, he just takes it, sheds some tears, hoping and praying that he will grow bigger. Oh how it breaks my heart. My mother bear instincts want to grab those little girls give them a piece of my mind. But he does have to learn how to handle these situations himself when he leaves this tiny town of ours. We definitely use it as a teaching tool of the kind of person that you don't ever want to be. That kind of behavior would never make God happy and that's what is most important.(That's actually a very popular lesson since there are so many misbehaved kids out in the world) It was so helpful to me to read through some of these posts for advice on how to handle my own situation.

    For you....I think the advice of befriending the kids (and maybe the parents) or getting him in with a group of kids that these boys won't bother. Power in numbers kind of thing. That is really a great idea and it seemed to work for me. Not only did I get the twins but all their friends too. They weren't tough girls or anything...I just think that my bully cared about what they thought of her.

    Prayers to you and if all else fails...move to my tiny town with me and he can team up with my son to make 2 boys in the whole school. :) Then we can walk, and talk, and craft all day together.

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  68. Oh. Got a few days late in reading - I missed the cup of tea session!
    No wisdom - just a hug <<>> Sorry to hear about those boys. I guess it's illegal over your way to send your son to school with a taser? Yeah, it is here to -- but wouldn't that be effective! giggle.
    As for the outfits - adorable. Esp love the scarf.
    And the puppy - delicious. Hang in there with 'those' issues.... they'll be over before you know it (well... probably a bit after that - but the cute factor over-rules right!)
    xx

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  69. oh my, i'm just catching up, & i'm in tears over jj's bullying situation. and that is what it is -- bullying. sounds like you've gotten lots of good advice from others, so i will spare you any i have [which i probably don't]. but i'm praying for ya'll & that this gets resolved & that jj can enjoy all parts of school.

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  70. I am going to be more direct since I've dealt with this on many different levels. Go to school immediately and speak with teachers and principal - your child cannot handle this on his own. If at any time your child is physically harmed by another child, file a battery charge with the police. The bullies have been winning this fight for decades and it is time to stop them.
    So sorry your little boy is having this struggle.

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  71. My girl has dealt with this a lot - not quite as an extreme as the boys, but the mean girl stuff that really breaks them down. The result - three years of nightmares, overall sleep issues and confidence problems. There are no easy answers and even if there were I don't know them. What I do know is the day when he does stand up for himself will be one of your happiest days. I have worked to keep them separated as much as possible, but one day - she had enough. I have tried all kinds of role playing and ways to handle situations. She only used her words. I know it is not over and there will be more. But slowly she is finding her way back to sleep (me too!) and signs of confidence peeking through.

    JJ will find his way. But in the mean time I agree with anonymous above, you may have to step in by going to the school and make them aware of it. Even if they can't immediately do something, getting it on their radar and having a record of it is extremely valuable. They may even be able to help with keeping them separated more. It is okay if he is angry with you.

    Blessings to all of you and good luck with your challenges.

    Oh, and Daisy is adorable!

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  72. mercy.

    having just returned from our local public school to enroll my little one n speech therapy, I was just thinking of letting her go full-time...will not be happening.

    I am so sorry to read this and especially sorry that your son is experiencing this.

    and whoever said that you have some wise women reading your blog is right! so many wise insights here.

    well, I could tell you to go "hood" on the boys and call the police and have them come up to the school and let them know that bullying and following the crowd will land them right in jail...yeah.

    or have the school have the police come up and bring some prisoners who can tell them some true life stories of bullying and where the bullies are now. ...yeah...scared straight.

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  73. I'm not sure my two cents makes a hill of beans at this point, but you've gotten some great mama tips from what I can see.
    Definitely document each and every bully moment- even the ones in your neighborhood outside of school hours. I would never hesitate to yank my daughter out of school because of bullying. We all learn to deal with jerks like this in life, but childhood is too fragile to put up with much of this crap.

    I would say that possibly giving your son a phone with a camera might help empower him to document what is happening? I don't know where your school stands on phones, but maybe in your discussions with the administration....? Tricky, but I know in some cases it has helped a lot more than words with the powers that be.

    Yes, praying for our enemies is what we are instructed to do. I hope and pray that this is resolved quickly for you. The excuse of not understanding English is not ok. :( Bring that parent to the school and have a translation ASAP! >:)

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  74. About the bullying:
    I am a mother of 3 grown daughters, 30, 28,22. Like you, I was a stay at home mom. If this happened to my girls, this is what I would do IMMEDIATELY! I would take my kids to school myself and pick them up. I would eat lunch with them. I would show up at recess. I would speak to the teacher. I would speak to the principal. I would call the school district about the bus driver. I would speak to the bus driver. and most importantly, I would get to know these kids and figure out what the problem really was. I probabably would not speak with the bully's parents because they are probably bullies themselves. The kid bullies are victims themselves. If my girls begged me not to talk to the teacher then I would talk to all the above mentioned. I would protect my child at all costs! and I would pray lots and lots. reconsider home schooling. Your children are the most important thing, truly.

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