Monday, October 8, 2012

Good things to chew on. So to speak.

While I show you photos of my recent tweaks and decor re-shuffling, I want to chat with you.  Mkay?

You guys are awesome... and always up for that aren't ya?  Today my man had the day off so he could celebrate Columbus with me even though our kids were in school.  We went for a run and ended with a walk and some deep discussion.  I love that! We are still hoping for/considering a job opportunity with my man's company in Ohio... a different one from the other day... but honestly a much better fit for the whole entire family, in my opinion.  (Also just outside of Cleveland which was freaking me out just a little.  I'm a small town girl, so those of you in Canton give me a shout out!)
I feel like my heart is so full of questions, hope, excitement, fear, and did I mention questions?  Cause yeah... I have a lot of questions.  It's been three years of roller coaster emotions with my man and his employment/hopeful employment situation.  I'll gloss over that part for today's post. 
 It's so hard to talk with all of this with anyone besides Adrain and people that don't live here. Ha!  Family gets a little upset, understandably.... kiddos get upset, understandably... friends don't really want to hear it, understandably...

But... I want to talk about it!!!  I do!
 I want to explore the what if's.  I want to let myself get excited over the doors that appear to be opening right in front of our faces, and not worry about "getting my hopes up" yet again.  (If I can pick myself up after selling my house and then having the buyer back out because she thought she won the publisher's clearing house sweepstakes days before our move... I think I can handle hope dashing.  Maybe.)  
 So we hope.  And we pray.  And pray. And pray.  And honestly... we do get excited.  A change has been in the wind for ages and just what if... what if... what if this one is actually "the one?" 
 Hope and excitement in what "might be" are all tied in to faith in a way, when you think about it. 
 This morning when I cracked open my brand new bible study book (Faith, depending on God by Dale and Sandy Larsen) I read these words;
"I've prayed for this one thing for years, and it hasn't happened.  The Bible says all things are possible for those who believe.  What's wrong with my faith?"  
"Some days it's easy for me to trust the Lord.  Other days, no matter how hard I try, I don't feel confident that God cares or will help me.  Or I forget God, go my own way and try to run my own life.  How can my faith be more consistent?" 
"All the indicators say that I don't have a chance at getting this job. But I'm still praying that I get it.  Won't the Lord honor my faith?"  
"I'm in a very unpleasant situation.  Should I boldly pray that it changes? Or should I stick it out and trust God to bring good out of it?  Which one is faith?"  

 I have to be honest.  I cried.  Just a little.  Because when I said before that I had questions... they were pretty much all the above.  When I look back over the past year, I see so many things... good and bad.  I reached a crisis of faith that I am pretty sure couldn't have been more rock bottom.  I questioned everything up to and including the actual existence of God.  I will share that story with you all another day because, oh my word it was a story worth sharing. But back to faith... and my questions.  I plan to dive right in to this tiny little study book... I want some answers. 

How about you guys.  Anything you're almost afraid to get your hopes up about?  Anything rocked your faith lately... do you feel like you've been in a period of sifting?  Do you need answers?  
I'm going on this journey with all my heart no matter where it ends up taking me.  
You're welcome to join me. 






60 comments:

  1. CANTON??????????? HEY HEY there! I'm in Akron, which is right next door -- about 20 min away. Wow - I'm on the edge of my seat for this one. Do keep us posted!!! (mkay, I only read your first paragraph, now I'm going back to read the rest LOL)

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  2. Okay, so now I've read the rest. My sweet hubby works in North Canton, right around lots of retail (a mall, and all kinds of great stores around it. Target, Kohls, and etc. I drive down to meet him for lunch. It's a straight shot down 77.

    E-mail me anytime w/ questions or to talk. I'm sure it IS hard for family to see your excitement about the potential move....

    K - enough "stalking" for one day. =) I'm here for ya if you need anything Sasha! ~Sally

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    1. yAY!!!! I am really excited about getting to *maybe* meet you!! :) And you can hug me when I'm freaking out and tell me it's all going to be okay just like you do in my blog comments. LOL

      MWah!

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    2. I will hug you!!! Promise. =)

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  3. well bless my soul

    Canton
    and Cleveland
    are just a hop
    skip
    and proverbial jump
    from my side of Pennsylvania

    praying that
    the what ifs
    and wherefores thereof

    don't harrow your soul
    in these waiting days

    alison

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    1. Whoohoo... I always wanted to check out Pennsylvania!! So awesome!

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  4. Years ago 13 to be exact I wanted to adopt and my husband wasn't up for it because he said we could have our own. 4 children later his heart has finally softened and sometime next year we will be bringing home a daughter from China. I can't believe it, but I guess God new all along. Hang in there! Stand firm in your faith. A great leader in my church this weekend said stand firm in your faith in adversity. You would neve leave shelter in the storm, so why would you leave the lord.

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    1. Oh such good words. I feel like I need to write that down.

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  5. girl! i'm so excited for you and the prospects. some people talk about not getting excited because it's hard to get your hopes up, but i say why not just allow yourself to show your true emotions!! so i'm happy you are excited! change and the prospect of it is so exciting (and scary). i get goosebumps though, just thinking about how the Lord weaves the story of our life together and brings things about. i guess i'm excited for you. and if we get our hopes up, then we're in it together. : ) love you so! saying a prayer for you sweet people.

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  6. As I started to write, I re-read carissa's post and completely agree with hers! So, just put me down in the "ditto" on what carissa said! (and I live no where near ohio....but if you're ever faced with the opportunity to move to GA, I'm your girl!)

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    1. Great.. then ditto on what I said to HER! LOL

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  7. Canton?! I am thrilled! I am just about an hour or so away and would be off the charts excited to know you were so close!!!

    As for getting excited - why not? (that is my phrase of the year) Life is too short not to get excited about the great opportunities that may happen. After all, worry is plentiful. Fill your cup with excitement!!!

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  8. I just got back from a wedding in the Canton/Akron area! There is a picture of the beautiful countryside on my blog if you want to take a peek. :) It is a lovely lovely area with GORGEOUS autumns, too many lovely old houses to count, and heavenly food. I think you would like it. Plus Ohio is much closer to Missouri, which makes me feel like we could someday meet. Prayers sent up for your family right now! And be so excited...why not???

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    1. I just peeked at it and it's GORGEOUS!! Oh and what a sweet story of friendship. My man went to India and left half his heart there...

      :)

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  9. Wise words above!!! I feel like if we are trusting God no matter what, than we should always get excited!!! Because even if door 1 is closed, that means that He has something BETTER!! We don't necessarily get excited over the exacts of a situation, rather we get excited because God is doing something, and that something is always good in the end!! Does that make sense??

    We've been sifted and are still waiting and sifting....at a deeper level of trusting and waiting on Him than we were a year ago. I have to remember to be excited over what God is doing, even if I can't see the movement yet!

    Oh and I'm a Jersey girl...wait!! Let me rephrase that :) I live in New Jersey, but the area of my little town is called Canton, does that count?? No, I guess it wouldn't!! haha

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    1. LOl We can pretend it counts. Thanks for the encouragement!!

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  10. I have been going through a difficult time too lately with a big choice...I pray every day. That is all you can do.

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    1. And even better... it's not all you can do, it's the MOST you can do. Prayer can move mountains. Just this week I went in to Target to pick up my son's very expensive prescription. I knew I didn't have enough and was going to put it on the credit card. Didn't want to do that... so I bowed my head and prayed that "if there was ANY way for it to be less money, today would be a great day."

      Went in. Prepared to swipe my card and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions. I jokingly replied, "Yeah, can you tell me when this prescription is going to cost less?" She smiled and shrugged and then my man pointed to the screen with my total. I almost fell over. I prayed without even expecting it... kind of a hail mary pass prayer... and yet HE was FAITHFUL.

      Instead of paying $135.00 it was only $25.00.

      Keep praying. Don't give up. He hears them all.

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  11. I am all for praying for God's will to be done but openly anticipating possibilities with great joy! My feeling is that if you don't allow for the joy of anticipation you might miss out on something great. And for the times when what we are hoping for turns into something else, we can funnel that joyous excitement into yet another possibility. All positive energy building up either way. The fact that you are open to a new adventure for your family will surely open doors to great opportunity for all of you. You are in my prayers.

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  12. Sometimes I feel like I pray the same thing over and over and nothing changes. And I wonder, is God listening? Does He even care? I'm asking for help, why won't He help me???? And then I think well, maybe I'm not praying right (really???) or maybe my faith is too shifty...Sounds like I need to pick up that book too. :o)

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    1. Just typed this reply out to Rebecca above...

      This week I went in to Target to pick up my son's very expensive prescription. I knew I didn't have enough and was going to put it on the credit card. Didn't want to do that... so I bowed my head and prayed that "if there was ANY way for it to be less money, today would be a great day."

      Went in. Prepared to swipe my card and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions. I jokingly replied, "Yeah, can you tell me when this prescription is going to cost less?" She smiled and shrugged and then my man pointed to the screen with my total. I almost fell over. I prayed without even expecting it... kind of a hail mary pass prayer... and yet HE was FAITHFUL.

      Instead of paying $135.00 it was only $25.00.

      Keep praying. Don't give up. He hears them all.

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  13. I'm praying for my desire of fulfillment outside the will of God to be replaced by a need for Him alone. I feel called to significance in some way in my life, but know that I am not doing anything to "train" for the race set before me.

    How's that for vague?? :) This is an interesting season of life right now....mama to two small kids, feeling like I need purpose outside of my home but then also feeling like I need to serve my family first and foremost. It's a tricky balance but I'm learning.

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    1. Boy do I get that. I feel like that has been our past three years Patti.

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  14. Keeping your faith will serve you well. God made me a very patient woman, but sometimes it's hard waiting for the pieces to fall together. I do trust that it is all in His time. Praying for you and yours...

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  15. Oh, and by the way, your kitchen is gorgeous...

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  16. I feel for you - I've spent quite a bit of time this year in that "what's wrong with my faith" questioning and doubting place. Like you doors are beginning to open up - but unlike you I'm dragging my feet and trying to lead God in the direction I want Him to take me. In my heart I know I need to just let go and jump. (easier said than done I'm afraid) I hope you get your answers and your path soon.

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    1. Well if you knew the whole of my past year... girl you are not alone. I'm just NOW learning to surrender and we'll see where it takes us. A month ago I was going, "Ohio? No stinkin way God." But He is so precious and He changed my heart just like I asked Him to. Funny thing that heart changing... seems impossible and we ask Him and He does it.

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  17. Praying and I say get excited. Get caught up in the wonder of what if...because what if this time it is really it and you didn't cherish every. single.moment!!?

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    1. Oh girly,.... what sweet encouragement. And YES I WILL get excited. LOL Just cause you said to go ahead. :)

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  18. In the last 4 years we've prayed for job changes, possibly moving, another baby, and nothing has happened. Still right where we started. Very easy to lose heart and feel weak in the faith area. Very interested to hear more of your story. And see what happens in your life!

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    1. Just typed this reply out to Rebecca AND Elle Bee above...

      This week I went in to Target to pick up my son's very expensive prescription. I knew I didn't have enough and was going to put it on the credit card. Didn't want to do that... so I bowed my head and prayed that "if there was ANY way for it to be less money, today would be a great day."

      Went in. Prepared to swipe my card and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions. I jokingly replied, "Yeah, can you tell me when this prescription is going to cost less?" She smiled and shrugged and then my man pointed to the screen with my total. I almost fell over. I prayed without even expecting it... kind of a hail mary pass prayer... and yet HE was FAITHFUL.

      Instead of paying $135.00 it was only $25.00.

      Keep praying. Don't give up. He hears them all.

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  19. Just got back from Ohio and it's gorgeous right now with wild autumn colors. I'm a Buckeye born n bred and have lived in Akron, which is kinda sister city to Canton; without the whole hall of fame thing there. It's not BIG city living by any means; just a whole bunch of smaller cities with decent-ish malls in close proximity to each other and colleges out the wazoo, too.

    God is so faithful and moving is such a job and blessing! I'm praying for yall because being a military family we move a lot and NO ONE wants to hear we're moving away, so the excitement has to be held inside for so long until you BURST and don't care anymore. Timing and patience and encouragement coming your way <3

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  20. honey starting a new job...being gone. that pretty much sums it up. can't believe they are torturing you this way. mean people! oh and can't believe you took down that barn pic. loved it there. the new one rocks too...but now it's different than when i was there:(

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  21. Canton??!!! I must comment-haven't read all of your post yet :) I'm about an hour away, but shop in Canton. So exciting...off to read the rest of the post :)

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  22. It's so hard to be in that place of transition, of hoping, of being let down only to hope again. We are in that place too and begging God to get us out, but for some reason God is letting us stay. I keep reminding myself it is part of the big plan, the plan I do not know and cannot see from beginning to end.

    No coincidence I am writing 31 Days of Living by Faith for this month of October. I recently told someone, it's not the writing that is difficult, it's the living.
    ~FringeGirl

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  23. Oh, how this spoke to my heart tonight. On Friday, I will be breaking the news - well, actually confirming a previously-mentioned possibility - to my boss that, as much as I love my job and have appreciated the opportunity to work where I do, I love my fiance more. Which means that, when he graduates in May, we've made the decision to let his job search take precedence over me staying in my current job. Even if it means moving - to another city, to another state. That is both super-exciting for me, and super-daunting.

    So thanks for the reminder that faith is not about me getting what I want - but about trusting that God has an awesome plan in place that will bring me happiness, even if the happiness I get isn't quite what I would have pictured for myself.

    Prayers to you and Adrain as these new opportunities peek across the horizon at you. =)

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  24. This post couldn't have come at a better time. We have been in prayer mode for a job/relocation for over a year now. Just when it seems God is moving mountains to answer our prayers something gets in our way of moving forward.

    Some days my faith is strong, and I feel God will reveal his plan in his time, and I truly believe he knows what is best. Other days it feels like we wil be in limbo forever and maybe what I want isn't what God has planned for us at all. And I feel my faith slipping away.


    Thank you for the gentle reminder that I am not alone, and that it's okay to get excited about new possibilities, and that faith can be strong even when questioning God's plan. He will always do what is best for us.

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  25. Wow- I feel like I'm reading my life....we just and when I say just (5 weeks) moved to Mass for a new job for my hubby. He had been in the same job or 17 years, we lived in our town for 14, and I've had all 3 of my kids there. This job literally came out of no where...the head hunter found him. He interviewed, etc etc and got an offer. We were delighted and frightened. We hemmed & hawed. Prayed and prayed again. We declined the job. They came back, another offer....repeat the emotional roller coaster.....3 weeks negotiating.....we declined. But 2 weeks later they came with an offer we just couldn't turn down. We moved everyone in a matter of 3 weeks, got the kids in school and have put it in gods hands. There have been days we've questioned what we did. But I recently read the book "to heaven & back" and she had a very powerful message. Sometimes when we want something and we keep getting road blocks, we get frustrated. But that's god trying to guide us. Then something happens - " everything falls into place, or some call it coincidence" but that is god at work, guiding you. When I was able to look back at our situation, we kept trying to push this change/opportunity away, but god has other plans, and so we have followed him. So I write all of this because if it "all falls into place", trust in him. Take a leap. :)

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  26. Oh I hear you. I mean,I have been praying for wisdom about my marriage for years now everything points to DIVORCE!!!! Nothing is changing.Everyone around me is telling me the same thing,LEAVE HIM HES NOT GOING TO CHANGE!!!!How much drinking and verbal abuse do I take in the name of keeping a marriage together? I know I'm supposed to change for the better. Be what GOD wants me to be. Love is supposed to be the answer.Forgive also.How many times?Well a lot is what the good book says.I'm not getting any younger,and I want to live !!!!! Enjoy this wonderful country we live in.I don't want to stay home and watch a man drink himself crazy,spew awful things at me.I don't want to be called hurtful things for being overweight.Like King Kong and fat ass.Sorry but I have to get it out.And then at night someone wants to get all snuggy,if you know what I mean. Then be told a wife should please her husband. How long GOD do I endure? I'm not Moses.40 years. OMG. Yes I hear you.When is HE telling me to keep up the fight and when is the door closed? Hello GOD i'm not your sharpest tool in the shed,I need a billboard to show mw the way. Whew,that was a lot. OK I'm off on the road to find the billboard wanna come with me?

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  27. we have moved every 2ish years for the last 10 years for my husbands job. I knew we would always end up in Wisconsin and I was never excited about it at all. Well, last year we made that final move here for his job and I LOVE IT!! The move I have been dreading since we said "I do" has ended up being the BEST blessing to us and our family!

    I will pray for you all, no move is ever easy, but that move may knock your socks off and be THE BEST for your family!

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  28. We are in the EXACT same situation as you and your family. There is an awesome opportunity for my husband in is endeavor to change his career path. A door that we never expected to open has allowed him to stick his "foot in the door" so to speak. It's not completely open yet but there is a chance for it to be. Like you, we have been let down so many times before that we are fearful of being hopeful...but our faith is strong and we believe that whatever the outcome...it is all part of God's plan. Sometimes I wish He would just send me a little note in the mail that says "this is the door you will walk through"...or "don't even try to open that door".

    It would be so helpful...ya know?

    Anyway, this post could not have come at a better moment...and yes, I cried too reading all those questions from your bible study book. Our faith has been rocked to the core these past 3 years. Just when we think we have no place to go but up...we've sunk a little lower. But I can honestly tell you that it is by the Grace of God that we have survived this far. And I truly believe that it has brought us closer to Him. Maybe thats been His plan all along :) Again, a little note in the mail would sure help out :)

    Get excited and be hopeful! God's got you!

    Hugs,
    Angi

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  29. I'm sure your getting a whole lot of comments telling you how much they needed your words this morning. What a beautiful message of questions, faith and hope. I like that. Possibly all of us are in that place in some way or another...hoping for better, grateful for blessings and wondering where the wind will take us. Our work struggle has been five years going, with a depressed economy and all the heartache that comes with it. I have to witness that we have been blessed beyond measure in our times of trial. Part of that was finding my own voice through writing. At first it was to help us make some money. And then...well, it's not anymore. It's about loving the process and rejoicing in what comes of it. My first book is due out in just a few weeks and I can't believe how it is coming together and the guidance of a good God who knows where He wants to lead us.
    All this being said, thank you. For lovely pictures, for a nice conversation about important things. I pray for your hopes and dreams to come true for your family. You are strong enough to handle it all.
    Christenehouston.com

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  30. ohhhh i am right outside of cleveland, so not toooo far from Canton!!! i know that god hears our prayers and that he has a divine plan for all of us....sometimes we are not always patient, and I know with myself, I am constantly looking for signs and answers. best of luck to you and your family and when the timing is just perfect you will see change!!! blessings, xo

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  31. loving all the sweet touches in your house and the honesty from you heart....
    you ministered to so many people today who read your words.

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  32. boy girl could I write a book on this...
    the waiting
    what I know from experience is that in the waiting...God does move but it sure isn't like what I envisioned..or dreamed. Some things are more than I could have imagined good...and others...still the same..as far as I can see-which is only a human "seeing"
    i think..for me..it is an invitation..to join my heavenly daddy if you will..my teacher Who with much grace and love wants to set me free...from me and lies and if I will but come..He will go with me every step of the way..
    but oh has it taken years to get here and just the other day...crisis! but yes
    I would LOVE to come..:) much MUCH love to you

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  33. Right smack dab in the middle of a trial. Clinging to God because he is the only way out. I just noticed I typed "out" indicating my desire to do things my way. Perhaps I am meant to go through? Perhaps HE is glorified in my weakness and perhaps He is Sovereign over all and perhaps this is an opportunity to know him more and see his hand at work. Based on results I have found that He is the God of the last hour but ALWAYS shows up. Perhaps I need not worry at all?

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  34. I almost jumped out of my chair when you said Canton! I live in Akron which is 15 minutes away. Ok here is the deal obviously I dont know you but it feels like a friend might be moving to town. I know God is in control of your situation and He will put you right where He wants you to be. Bonus for us if we get you here! Will be praying for you.

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  35. It's amazing when you read or hear something that is so tailor-made for a situation. :) Wait expectantly...thanks for sharing your journey!

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  36. We have moved 5 times since we have been married and by move I mean out of state, across country, west to east to south to mid-west. Many jobs and then loss of job. Afraid..........sure. God provided in every situation. Trusting is the key. Very hard to do, I know.

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  37. that quote is amazing. right now i'm just praying for God to open a door or shut a door. we're on the cusp (would that be the right word??) of a possible move again and part of me is sad and scared and a bigger part of me just wants to know whats going on, ya know?? i can't say anything yet...it's a big hush-hush situation. but i, for one, will be pulling for clevland for you...much closer to me!!! :)

    xo,
    a

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  38. I love all of your fall touches. The pumpkin and Happy Harvest on your chalkboard is totally adorable! Thank you for sharing from your heart. ♥

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    1. Oh! Will you be at R & R Market Saturday? Ü

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  39. I'm another Ohio girl who reads your blog! I live an hour from Canton, closer to Cleveland,but I have friends and family near Canton. I've had many of the same questions that you quoted from your Bible study. It really can be challenging at times. I'll be praying for you!

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  40. I am another Ohio girl I live in a suburb of Toledo which is 2 hours from Canton. Great things to do in Toledo for day trips...Hope to meet you if this is the path that God wants you and your family to take!!! Prayers to you and your family!!!! It looks to me that you have quite a few Ohio followers so you know you have plenty of support and shoulders.

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