Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Gideon, weeks 1-2 recap in my heart

I mentioned that I'm participating in the Gideon summer bible study via Beth Moore's blog.  In a perfect world, I'd blog on all the amazing things I'm uncovering and we'd have terrific discussion, but the truth is, I'm squeezing my computer time in between snatches of quiet, and I can't see a ton of blogging happening this summer, period. My blue-eyed baby girl hand picked a bunch of wild daisies for me a few minutes ago, and they were too sweet not to share, so I figured I'd jump on here and share my heart quickly.  I not only learned a ton over the past two weeks, I've also had a bunch of heart revelations surface.  I have cried and journaled a ton over the past two weeks.One specific thing has become really apparent to me, and it may indeed have changed the course of a particular path I've been walking, for over a year now.  Deep. A lot of these things need to remain private but I will share what I can.  Mainly, I've been overwhelmed by fear in my life.  I never actually thought I was horribly wrapped up in fear, but this study has been turning over roots of very deep fear in my heart that have shocked and surprised... then later convicted me deeply.  It's the kind of fear that makes decisions based on false security and controlled justifications. 

One thing really spoke to me early in this study.  Priscilla Shirer says, "The Israelites thought having access to some of the promised land was better than having to fight for all of it.  So, comfortable and complacent, they chose to enjoy the relative quiet rather than risk upsetting their equilibrium by obeying God completely.  They had every right to all of the land- in fact, they already owned it- but since they chose not to possess it, they weren't able to enjoy it.... Our shortsightedness often makes partial obedience appear to be the best, safest, most reasonable choice, but it always leads to future hardship, eventually making our lives more difficult than they need to be."

The result of this kind of action leads to emotional weakness, physical exhaustion, and spiritual deflation. Um.... most of you don't know me in real life, but this eroded description fits me perfectly right now.  It's heartbreaking to realize that I got my own self here simply by letting fear rule some decisions, when faith would have been the life-saving option.  The good news that followed melted my aching heart and restored hope.  I don't know where you're at as you read this, but I desperately needed to know there was a sweet promise ahead, as I repented and grappled with my own mess. 

 Priscilla reminded us that the entire message of the bible is God's redemption plan for humanity.  She says, "From beginning to end, Scripture spells out the divine rescue plan God is orchestrating to bring people back into relationship with Himself."  I loved that she showed a circular graph for those of us who are visual learners.  The thing that often happens is;

1) a rejection of God's way.  (In choosing fear over faith, I rejected His purpose and plan for my heart, my decisions and my life.)
2) Decline in God's people.
3) Consequences allowed by God's hand. And finally, when you can't take it another minute and you crave God's outpouring of favor on your heart, you come to;
4) a restored relationship to God's presence. 

I am taking huge gulps of fresh air as I circle around to #4. 

And then He gave me this old favorite. Joshua 1:9 “Here is what I am commanding you to do. Be strong and brave. Do not be terrified. Do not lose hope. I am the Lord your God. I will be with you everywhere you go.” (emphasis mine)


  1. It's all beautiful, the photos, the flowers, baby blues and your heart. Be richly blessed.

  2. ~take a deep breath~ Restore and renew...There is a reason you are doing this course and it is His way of gently leading you HIS way. I wish you all the best! ~Hugs~

  3. Your sweet girl and the flowers are beautiful. As is your heart. Thank you for sharing. ♥

  4. Sasha! I LOVE YOU GIRL! Your transparent and real, you can count on me to lock arms and pray along side of you:)
    I've been doing an online study for the last 4 weeks for the summer over at Good Morning Girls reading through Jennie Allen's book called Anything. Cruise over there and check it out, so much truth, so many tears and blessings! So thankful God led me there and for waterproof mascara, just sayin.

  5. I feel you here. Thank you for sharing your heart. Part of our learning and growing means we have to share it so that other people can learn and grow too. You are good.

  6. Cremation or burial preferences, whether you would like to donate your organs.

  7. Thank you for this lesson this morning. I have been so discouraged with all of the happenings around the world that are showcased on the media. Very frustrating. I need to remember that God is in control and that we just need to trust Him. Thanks friend. And your daughter...stunning. Susan

  8. That's some GOOD TRUTH right there!! Isn't that the best news ever?
    That we are condemmened to live out our fearful choicea, but He lovingly
    restores, refreshes and renews us in a right relationship with Him??!!
    What a Daddy <3

    I'm praying that God gives you a fearless boldness as you begin to wrestle further
    with your fears and take them into captivity! I've been on that same journey, facing fears, telling them where to go and then doing the hard things. Its both frightening and exhilerating!!

    Think about how you coax your babies to not fear and do the hard things, so loving
    and tender....that's exactly how Jesus encourages us....its pure sweetness!! I'm thanking God for His revelation for you and encouraging and coaxing you to claim
    all that He has already given you ownership of!!! And if you must, and you probably will, DO IT AFRAID!!

    He is mighty to save <3

  9. God's redemption plan. I never think of the bible's message in its entirety! I always break it down into smaller messages! Wow! And your Ava picked the sweetest flowers! They are beautiful! Right now I am reading Cold Tangerines and that is a perfect example of enjoying what God has given you! XO

  10. so, so good.
    that quote!
    i tell my kids all the time that partial obedience is disobedience and God just spoke that to me right now, too. ouch.
    but it's so true that we miss out on SO many blessings when we don't move forward in complete faith and trust.
    so thankful to be His child.
    thanks for sharing, sweetie.

  11. I, too, am following right along with the Gideon study. Amazing, isn't it?!?!

    Your words are a blessing. . .your heart is beautiful.
    Be blessed.

  12. this is so poignant. all of the Bible is His redemption plan to take back his people. YES. love the wholeness of the WORD.

  13. I truly believe many of us moms dwell in the land of fear...I know I too have been feeling it...that unexplained feeling of dread that eventually feels like chains and then bondage and that is when we cry out to our Redeemer...yes I have been there. Thankyou for sharing...

  14. I truly believe many of us moms dwell in the land of fear...I know I too have been feeling it...that unexplained feeling of dread that eventually feels like chains and then bondage and that is when we cry out to our Redeemer...yes I have been there. Thankyou for sharing...

  15. Dear Sasha,

    I am new to this blog. This is a lovely, touching post. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, your struggles. I, too, am doing the "Gideon" study and am amazed at all the nooks and crannies the Spirit is poking into. I will pray for you and may you be blessed!


  16. His word is alive and active...sharper than a double-edged penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit...joint and marrow. It judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart....

    grateful for the heart work he is doing in you...(and me, too!)
    I'm doing a Beth Moore study this summer....2nd time through this one....apparently, there's ALWAYS more HE uncovers and reveals in us. :)

  17. Your daughter is gorgeous. I love her eyes. All of these pictures are so gorgeous and very well done. I love the flower arrangement and the mantle arrangement. I hope things start to slow done for you.

    PhD by Publication