Monday, January 6, 2014

Finding my courage

Hi Friends!  I'm trying to find my post-holiday, post-wedding in my home, post-sick kiddos, post-hubby on vacation from work groove again.  It's a process, is it not?

In the mean-time I thought I'd share some post-holiday house fluffing with you...(Can you even call it that when everything is so bare and sad-looking?)  And then when you least expect it...I will vomit out what's on my heart toward the bottom of this post.   

Er.  Now you're expecting it.  

Well I haven't gotten my groove back yet so what can I say? 

This ampersand was a gift from Nurse Nicki.  And as she gave it to me here's what she said.  "Yeah, it just screamed SASHA at me."  "OH and feel free to paint it or whatever you want to do with it.  I know it won't stay the same."

Do you love a friend who "gets" you? Might be the best present I've ever gotten.

I hugged it and carried it around with me for a while. 

Then I promptly spray painted it white.  (It was black before.)

Then I added a string of cafe lights through the grill on the back and made it into a marquee light.

And then I moved it around all over the house until it found it's new home. 

Then I fell madly in love with it all over again.
It makes up for the lack of holiday cheer and decor.
Please ignore the spackle patches on the walls.  We are gearing up for a ceiling paint job (shudder) and figured we might as well give everything a fresh coat at once.  I just haven't decided on a slightly less yellow shade of creamy paint  to go with... or keep the same thing.  It'll come to me.

This typewriter is the inspiration for my shop re-opening next month.  I'm having so much fun with it!

And now... my heart.

I am a pessimist by nature.  I know some of you who have never met me in person are a bit surprised to hear me a say that.  I do try very hard to be encouraging on this blog because for goodness sake, have you watched the news lately?  Often that encouragement probably portrays itself a lot like optimism but I am outing myself once and for all.  I am married to an optimist and I'm pretty sure that if I wasn't I'd always be sure the sky was about to fall in on my head.  I'm not kidding. When I look back on the past year I tend to see the things that went wrong and my man generally steers my thinking back to what went right.  I love that about him.  (And boy do I need it.)

This coming year I am facing a few new and adventurous opportunities that scare me to death and wake me up in the middle of the night. (Probably because I was dreaming about how bad they could go.  See?  Pessimism.)  However, I keep getting nudged and encouraged to jump out of this nice, cozy, "safe" little box I prefer to live in, and simply go for it already.  (Though I feel no nudge about public speaking and will forever run the opposite direction of that for as long as I possibly can. Just saying.  A girl does have her limits.)

Anyway, I was curious what you do when you know you should do something in life, but it terrifies you to the core.  You know in your bones that it's the right thing, the best thing, the thing that will change you and forever leave a stamp on you for the better... but your mouth goes dry just thinking about it and you suddenly want your mommy. 

I'm like the cowardly lion.  I lack courage.  I don't have a "word" this year... but I have allowed myself to live in a sheltered little world with walls of my own making, where I really didn't need much courage to get by.  (She hollers, "Well, I'm in need of a little bit now!!")

I'm mentally sucking the optimism out of this verse;   Isaiah 41:13 "For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

Don't you love that to pieces?  Now hear the same portion from the Message; "I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic. I’m right here to help you." (emphasis mine) 

I love it even more now.  Probably because Mr. Optimism (aka Adrain) always tells me things like that too.  He says things like, "Everything is going to be fine.  Don't panic.  I'm here and it's all going to be okay."

And you know what?  It always is.  In twenty years with the man, it's never not been okay.  

I think my glass of courage is half full already. 

How about you?  Anything scary that you're working up the courage to do?  


  1. Well maybe your word should be roar. Cause I'm predicting you're going to find your voice and it's not going to go unnoticed ;) He's got big, loud, crazy good things in store. I just know It!!

    1. I love you friend. So much. And you're gonna hear me roar!! (Singing that now.)

  2. Wow. That is very transparent.

    You know, fear of man is actually my worst enemy. What will so-and-so think?

    Once upon a time a precious cousin-in-love told me that "sometimes God plunges us into the deep."
    I love that image because I imagine myself standing on the edge being scared to jump, planning HOW I'll jump, WHEN I'll jump, and mostly NOT jumping. And yet, for His glory and what is best for me, God may choose to "plunge me into the deep" so I can know Him more deeply.
    And I'm so glad He does because I'd never sign up for the hard things which I know actually draw me closest to Him!

    It sounds like you're about to be "plunged" my friend. Go deep.
    It will be marvelous.

    Love you

    1. Wow your words blew me away. This is one of the most encouraging comments I have ever had. Thank you for that amazing mental image.

    2. Wow your words blew me away. This is one of the most encouraging comments I have ever had. Thank you for that amazing mental image.

  3. I guess ever since I became a mother, my actions reflect the behaviors I want to model for my daughters and I NEVER want them to be without courage so therefore, I put on my big girl panties and suck it up. I know, not as profound as your other commenters {duh, how could I compete with FGP} and while I have faith, I also know in my core, I need to ultimately have faith in myself, my girls need to see that so they can have it in themselves.

  4. i'm doing something that terrifies me right now with this move! it's scary, but it's perfect because He is guiding us the whole way. going to school with no jobs lined up yet is crazy talk and yet, it's our language these days. nothing is too big or crazy for Him!

  5. I was just having this conversation with my man the other day. I'm so comfortable in my little box. I can "control" that....sadly or fortunately I have a God who is in control and reminds me daily that I don't need to be in control, but to seek him. I'm really working on committing myself to things that matter and learning to say no. To jump in where he wants me. A friend from my Bible study described it perfectly....I want to do what he wants me to do, so I wade in only up to my knees and splash around a little, but he wants all of me but I'm hesitant to jump in for fear of what he'll ask of me. I'm working on getting the courage to jump in where he wants me and giving it all.

  6. My husband and I have been praying for the Lord to reveal his will in getting up off of our pew and living out our faith in our to do that...where to start...who do we go to, etc, etc. The thing is he DID and now we are looking at each other going..."O.k. I'm scared but if he called us to it, he will bring us through it and equip us." I keep reminding myself...finding my courage every day.... as the whole process gets off to the "reality stage" today and the phone call came. Seriously, are we REALLY about to do this??!!!!!

  7. If you do nothing nothing will change even if it's not go the right way the firsttime you know more for next time. Go for it! You'll be great, he's got your back.

  8. Wow! I appreciate your honesty. I find myself needing FAITH in me. God has brought me to/from obstacles but but I think he's waiting on me to jump!

  9. Wow! I appreciate your honesty. I find myself needing FAITH in me. God has brought me to/from obstacles but but I think he's waiting on me to jump!

  10. I was once at a crossroads. Fear was screaming at me, putting a knot in my stomach. I knew what God wanted me to do but was somehow deliberating. It came to me clearly. To not do what I knew, was disobedience. That hit me hard! I was willing to be afraid but not willing to knowingly be disobedient. Turned out, I stepped out and, what an opportunity I had! Some of my best times in life. And a comfort always to know it's what my Savior called me to. Obedience is always best.

  11. I know someone who would love that ampersand! It looks fabulous and so at home there.

    Sometimes, all you can do is take a deep breath and go for it. Stop overthinking it! You know God has your back.

  12. he's a good man!
    love all the love & snowflakes and "&"'s around your cozy home xoox

  13. Once in my lifetime when I was at a particular crossroads so to speak, a very wise minister breathed truth to me that I will never forget. He actually wasn't speaking only to me but was speaking to a room full of people who had come together for a conference on ministry. I wanted to run screaming for the hills and didn't really want to be this person that God was nudging me to be. I was uncomfortable in the place I was in at this conference both mentally and physically. I prayed the evening before in my room for God to help me to understand why I felt so uneasy and anxious about something I knew was the right thing. The very next morning as I sat with others at the conference, the minister delivering the address said, "God does not call us into ministry to be particularly comfortable. God calls us to trust in him and to allow him to do his work through each one of us as we grow in faith and relationship with him." Those simple words really made a lot of sense to me. When God calls us, nudges us, he knows we are uncomfortable because he himself lived as a human being. On the night before he died, Jesus pleaded with our Father that perhaps he could take away the reality of what was to happen. In the end, Jesus said, "Your will, not mine, be done." Even Jesus had to submit his own feelings in order to trust in God's ultimate plan for his life. So God knows exactly how we feel, because he lived it and experienced it too. Sometimes I feel as if I am on a tight rope putting one foot in front of the other and just trusting that God will lead me. The thing is, Sasha, is that you have done this, You have trusted God your whole life and you have grown in faith and relationship with him your whole entire life. This time is no different. He's got you in the palm of his hand.

  14. When I am about to do something that scares me to bits, I think about what life will be like if I don't take this opportunity and own it. It gets me through it 100% of the time. Life's too short to look back with regrets! You can do it :)

  15. Sasha, I have read your blog over the last 6 months and you are always full of warming things to say! You know you say that it is not you but I think it really is YOU. You are trying, changing and learning as you go as many of us are at this time. Take the step, go for it and do it BIG! You will not be alone and you will not fall, you will learn and grow even more. You are an inspiration to many, even a blessing with your posts so all is good! ~hugs~ NOW GO....... :-)

  16. I feel like you must be my much younger identical twin from different sides of the US. I feel exactly the same way. There are several steps in life I want to make and letting the business of daily life be my excuse For not taking the step when the real reason is courage (or lack of it) and fear of the unknown is the real reason. Thank you for reminding me through Isaiah that I'm not to fear because God will help me. Good luck. With your plans. I know you can do it.

  17. I've been reading your blog for a couple years now and I would have never thought you were a pessimist. It truly surprises me! I am such a pessimist and I love reading your blog because I think I wish I was more like her. I wish I had more faith like her and could believe things will get better. I think I can relate to you because I can see that you struggle with things and how they play out and question things.
    I find myself struggling all the time and wonder what my purpose is and why God has done some of the things he has in my life and the life of my family. Last year was a horrible year where I felt God was consistently smacking my family in the face with one issue after the other and I find it hard to trust that it will get better. I keep telling myself that after 2013 was over this year will be much better. However we have already hit one issue this year that I am really trying to tell myself that God will change things and make it better or that he has something better for us. I also tell myself that things could be worse and I see all the time how worse things could be.
    Please know that you do inspire me to keep trying!

  18. I think you're too hard on yourself. I really hope you take that with a smile 'cause you are a wonderfully created, talented, amazing young lady! God is in control so "let go and let God" and know that it's all going to be just fine! :)

    LOVE the lights you added to the &.


  19. well I'm having a surprise baby number 2 lol! My daughter will be about 16months when this one is born he or she is coming weather I'm ready or not but I'm trying to put on a brave not worried face! trying to just lean on the Lord!

  20. this year is going to be a good one for you…
    he gets us to these places where we ask for more…and you're asking for more. it's gonna happen. it may look different than you expect or dream for yourself, but it'll be so good.

    praying more courage for you..more hope….more trust….
    thankful for your man..what a gift.
    i bet he'd say you're his gift, too. ;)

  21. oh my goodness - I am IN LOVE with all of these rooms!
    but I have to know - what is the paint color in the bedroom? I am literally drooling!

  22. Girl, you don't need to find courage. It sounds like it has already found you. Embrace it. It's here to stay! Happy 2014--

  23. I'm taking a deep breath and diving into my camera's manual. One of my goals is to learn my camera and to put together a portfolio-I'd love to see the places my camera can take me.

    Take a deep breath and jump in the deep end with me? I promise that we'll both swim!!!

  24. After reading your blog for years I always think of you as brave, with your honesty and your words and even just putting yourself out there with etsy! You demonstrate seriously courage from my perspective. hope you give yourself some credit for the inspiration you provide us readers. My husband has often teased me for being an pessimist and I correct him saying I am a 'realist', this was particularly true for me after the shocking news years ago that my parents were divorcing after being together 32 years. I became quite 'real' or should I say pessimistic in my point of view, but with time I find I am more and more optimistic and am finding my faith once again, and it feels amazing! I hope to keep this faith as I become a new mother in a few months. Because I know it won't get easier once I have a little one out in the world...will take some serious courage and faith! Looking forward to reading where your new courage takes you!

  25. Gorgeous home, as always! Do you mind sharing the paint color in your guest room? It's perfection.

    On another note, I had a funny thought about courage today, and falling. My son is 3, and he's always just letting go when I'm nearby because he knows I'll catch him. One moment he's standing, and if I'm within reaching distance the next moment he'll lean or drop or go 'boneless' because he knows my hands will always be there. In 3 years of motherhood, I've never once dropped him even though he's hugged me until I've almost fallen over, tried to stand on my shoulders, tripped while I was holding his hand, or turned like a rotisserie chicken in my arms while he wriggles in a tantrum. Not once have I dropped him, and he uses this to his full advantage. It occurred to me God is like that too-- there to catch you, and I need to 'let go' more often. Leap. Fall asleep. Trip. Even have a tantrum once in awhile. He will catch you. You can have courage because of your faith that He will catch you.

    I can't wait to see what you do. :)

  26. yes yes a day to day same as it always is life.need to break out this year.

  27. the first thing that came to mind was mitty
    i almost didn't see the movie because ben stiller gets on my true
    i asked becky what she thought and she told me i should brave it. so i did
    and when things really changed for mitty was when he stopped daydreaming what was in his heart and just began
    really doing it. i know this daydreaming place. i have done it my whole life. sad that it has taken 45 years to get to this place
    because you lose so many year PLUS for more of a wallflower personality or an introvert...whatever:)
    it is twice as hard to get out there and do things.
    but here is what i am thinking. if God is giving you these dreams...this song whatever you want to call it then when we begin to trust Him and "do something" things happen. it is inevitable
    so -- whatever it is sasha girl...if it is a burning bush...a God thing. trust it and put feet to it. as becky says...believe BIG:)
    love love to you today....xo

  28. Never forget that the sky is limit with God and He will always equip us for whatever it is that HE calls us to do. We often limit ourselves by our lack of faith. Trust HIM and I can hardly wait to hear all that HE has in store for you this year. Blessings abundant!

  29. I'm pretty much a chicken.
    when i step out... it's Him.
    this is going to sound harsh... but... i wish i'd grow some balls sometimes. :)
    big ones.

    it's using the courage we ALREADY have... and YOU no doubt have it.
    we see it.
    you're strength is intoxicating.

    i think we put too many darn limits on ourselves.
    i know i do.
    instead of stepping off... we stay on that safe edge.
    i do.

    all i know... He does have some amazing things in store... we just have to be willing to "let go" to grab ahold.

    i mean look at your gift there!
    hello knack for all things pretty!!!!!