Thursday, March 6, 2014

... on not giving up on things... or yourself.

Do you know what I like so much about you? Pretty much the fact that we kind of get one another.  You let me just spit it all out there on the table and then we kind of link arms, stand back and figure it all out.

This past week I've been doing hard things.

Well, actually, I started doing a few hard things last week and it's only this week, with trying, figuring past mistakes out, persevering and consistency that I'm starting to actually feel like they are (and will) pay off in the end.  It made me think about how easily I bail on things that are hard, these days.  I want to blame this incredibly busy stage of life I'm in but I think the only way a person can move forward is by facing the hard thing head-on and just going through it until the end is reached, regardless the many excuses one can list off, right? 

Well, at least that's how it's been for me lately.  I get all worked up over some of the hard things I'm about to do before I even begin them, thinking they will be awful or I'll fail in some capacity.  I know it's mostly in my head but it definitely holds me back and then time passes anyway and I'm still in that same spot.  This year has been all about me conquering my fears and stepping out of the box...and I'm not gonna lie, it's been hard at times.  I've been in a weird place with my faith, knowing that God can do wonderful things as I face these hard things and try, and hope and reach... but then there's also this odd feeling place where I'm pretty sure that I consistently bark up the wrong tree to begin with, so God's "no's" are simply because of my misguided-ness, which then places me back squarely into the box with my hands over my ears saying, "Nope. Not gonna try, not gonna ask, just gonna sit here and be mad."  Does that make sense at all to you?

Today, I realized that when I do that, it's pretty much the adult equivalent of a toddler fit.

Right now, Adrain and I are dying for community and we've been through small group fail after small group fail over the past 20 years so we're not a part of one right now and it stinks!  It's become a very hard thing in our minds because we feel like maybe we just don't "fit."  Up to this point, we haven't.  One hard thing we've been discussing is that we've got to at least try.  Again.  And have a little faith that God knows what we need.  So hard to do that when you're sitting in the box throwing a toddler fit because you've been told "no" way too many times and you just want one stinking YES already. 

One (frivolous-ish) brave thing I did personally this past month, was tackle Photoshop Elements.  I'm not an expert in the least, but I've finally figured out some things that were so hard a year ago, that I simply walked away and didn't try again for a year!  What is that all about? See how easy it is to do that? 

That said, I think we're going to hit this one head on.  Soon.  Maybe not this weekend, but as we check off a few hard things lately it's making us a bit braver and more willing to put it out there again.  Have you ever felt like this? 


Tonya said...

you may find a nice community here. perhaps.

Lisa Hensley said...

Yes! I am so guilty of dreaming and then freaking out about every. single. thing that could possible go wrong. And then I don't do it because, ya know, what if those things happened?? But I've been trying to work through the mentally hard spots because I've found that when I'm comfortable, I'm not growing. Thankfully, success does build upon success. Praying for the best for your small group search.

(Oh, and I just recently discovered your blog. I love it!)

Farmgirl Paints said...

We want that too, but you know that. It's so much work. And finding the time... Your Ava is adorable here. She's changing a lot.

Juli said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Juli said...

All the time. Don't give up, step out of the box and just keep plugging along. I know you have inspired me.

Denise said...

Yes, time passes and you're still in the same spot but if you had allowed yourself the courage to move forward, you'd be finished and probably pretty proud of yourself. Every new project or adventure holds promise of lessons learned and a whole bunch of fun!! Keep moving forward!!

Jensamom23 said...

The fact that you and your hubby are on the same page in this must help a great deal. Wishing you well, Sasha!

Lorraine and Jessica said...

Yep....all of the time!! But I've been tackling hard things for a while now, and ya know what?? God is right there, in the hard stuff and He is cheering us on!! Kind of like that toddler that doesn't want to learn how to do something new cause its hard!! But Momma is right there to cheer them on!! I love that!! Praying for you and Adrain, that God would give you courage to try again. That He would be faithful and send just the right community for you both! And that you would see His smiling, cheering face right there in front of you!!! I wish we lived closer, I'd jump into your community in a heartbeat. <3

Annette said...

Every single day.....sometimes knowing the struggle will be worth it on the other side when it's all (finally) figured out isn't all that much comfort. But somehow the sun keeps coming up and on we go....
Hang in there...lovely souls like yours will prevail and we (your internet *friends*) know you will share and support and shed a little light on the path for us too!

paige said...

yes!!! we feel it too my friend
i love your heart to hearts with us!
and i love that you conquered PSE!!! now you can give tutorials! wink

Barbara said...

Awe it will come He will make sure of it, theres nothing wrong with the hitting the refresh button every now and again. Your little miss is such a cutie.

Renee said...

Proof of how hard satan works to keep us from the very thing that we need and will help us grow in Christ. Keep persevering trying to find your community.

Amy said...

Me to a T. accck! But I thank you for sharing your heart. And for being encouraging even while you struggle. Perhaps you're right where the Lord needs you...

Sandy Fox said...

I do the same thing! I've always been TERRIFIED of failing....the chance of success isn't a high enough prize to risk the chance of failure sometimes. I've recently been learning that God is big enough to handle my failures and that I can trust Him to care for me regardless of how well I'm doing something. My "okay-ness" isn't based on how right or wrong I am or how well I'm performing - I am ok because I am His. Period. Turns out who I am is a lot more important than how I am. Thank you for being brave enough to share your have encouraged me many times through your blog!!!

Deanna said...

Oh girl, I hear you so much on the community thing. Darin and I have tried and tried, even attempting to lead a group at our church, with no success and no vulnerability and love and doing-life-together. A few weeks ago we sat down with some new friends who have experienced the kind of community we long for and to hear their stories, it was powerful. But how and where to begin, again? We are praying.

Rebecca said...

Thanks for being real! I LOVE that you are tackling hard things!! It encourages me tremendously. Several times I have read your blog and felt in the exact same place. Thanks for sharing!!

Iseult said...

A tip for photoshop (from someone who detested the program and now HAS to use it regularly for uni): ........YOUTUBE! It is an amazing resource as every task you might attempt, someone has had to tackle before you. And as with most things, the more you use it the easier it gets. :-)

ashley j said...

Get out of my head, Sasha. Seriously, I had similar thoughts just today. I keep telling myself these things, too. I just keep up the old college try and listen to both my hubby and God's whispers.

Christy said...

I get it...all of it. Even down to the small group thing. Thanks for sharing. Press on, my friend. xo, Christy said...

ohhhhhh small groups can be hard…… You all either click or you don't …. Add a couple and sometimes it changes everything…. The one we are in right now is lacking, lacking trust and openness and that kind of stinks! Don't give up!!!


Prince Snow Farm said...

I am officially volunteering to be your long distance "community" if you ever need me! Just a text or a FaceTime away!

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