(Images from this past week)
I read a quote a couple of weeks ago that said something like "The same boiling water that hardens the egg, also softens the potato." And it hit me... This moment was my boiling water. I've been in it before and I'll be in it again, probably for the rest of my life, off and on. But am I an egg or a potato?
As I was crying my eyes out, I felt like my body was trying to make a choice. A watershed moment. To let this harden me... harden my heart toward God, for allowing this story... harden it toward the circumstances, and even (dare I admit) the child involved? To let this make me hard for life.
Let this pain soften me. Gentle me. Press my heart into a soft mushy paste that sticks to others and loves deeply and trusts even harder? "Which do you want?" my tears demanded of me. I paused and then I praised. I thanked God for my story. For this moment. For this pain. For these questions and these unknowns and I let the tears fall in a steady stream of warmth down my face. Because in the end I want softness. You can't do much with hard objects other than crack or break them. But soft ones can be molded and shaped and used.
acceptance, trust, and thankfulness.
Psalm 121 The Message
I look up to the mountains;
does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven and earth and mountains.
He won't let you stumble;
your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
No on your life! Israel's
Guardian will never doze or sleep.
God's your Guardian
right at your side to protect you-
Shielding you from sunstroke,
sheltering you from moonstroke.
God guards you from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you always.