Tuesday, June 2, 2015

I just don't even care because if I make it, it'll be a miracle. Etc.

All my girlfriends are saying it.  I've got three (count them... THREE... to the day) weeks of school left.  (Who came up with this schedule?  What happened to getting out in early June? It's not like it used to be, I'll tell ya that.)

And if I actually can make it over that finish line, it may have killed me. (I think I write this post every year and every year it feels like the worst it's ever been at this time of year.)


I mean, we've got teenage HORmones shaking our foundations and our nights are a whirlwind of who's picking up who at what times, and threats of, "You'd better be ready and waiting for my car to pick you up right at five because we have to bust it down the road to the next thing for your sibling so don't dilly-dally and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to eat dinner at the school because for crying out loud I went to all the trouble of making dinner earlier in the day which nearly killed me in between work and errands, and we are going to EAT AS A FAMILY at 8 o'clock tonight if it kills us, so help me God!"

And then later, the moments of completely losing it when said child eats dinner at school anyway, people start running late all over the place because of it, nobody wants to eat the dinner that was pre-prepared, and the night snowballs and somewhere in there I really stop caring if homework gets done. 

Hypothetically speaking, in case any of my children's teachers happen to be reading this...

(Though if you are... please stop.  Please stop giving home work.  Make them do it at school please for the love of all that is good and right in the world.  Because we simply can not.  We are done... so very done.  We're doing good to get everyone in bed in one piece before midnight, and making lunches is a straw that breaks the camel's back.  Homework is not even on my radar anymore.  I gave it my all for eight months but I'm a broken shell of a human being and my fragile mind no longer has the capacity to do anything but throw a bottle of water and a wadded up half costco sized bag of goldfish crackers out the window to one child, while rushing off to pick up the other at night. Okay that might have been a tad dramatic...  But the story about the water and goldfish wasn't exaggerated.  Nor was the part about bedtimes. Nor was the part about the homework.  Or the part about being a broken shell of a human being.  Okay it was all true.)
 
 Anyway.  My mind has to redirect or I internally combust and it's not pretty.  So... I hunkered down and sewed something in the quiet of the day, in between pre-preparing dinner and mass chaos.  (I'm like a dog with a scent.  I can't make myself let it go.)
 I made a French linen gathering apron.  It's been in my Pinterest files for a year.  I had the fabric for about that long and I loved making it with deep pockets so I can tuck herbs and greens and such into it for dinner...you know, for when I'm pre-preparing it at 2:30 in the afternoon....  I didn't have a pattern, and wish I did, because I'd make another for painting and another for cooking.  It's that sweet.  But who am I kidding, I wouldn't have the time for making two more! Ha!  #wishfulthinking
 I am trying to get back into running, because I hear it's very good for stress release and crap like that.  So far it's been more like walking.  Ugh.  I hate starting over.  However, walking in between faux-running, allows me to snap photos of horses and barbed wire, so there is that...
 Also, I chalked in a whale which took me about five minutes, which is awesome since that's about all I had time for.  I think I want him to stay on here forever.  Even though my fact-spewing child gave me the equivalent of an hour long book report on Moby Dick, aka the "White Whale" and told me all about it in great, non-stop detail, which we did not particularly have time for.  Hey, maybe that can count as homework?  (wink, wink?)
 A couple weeks ago, I thought we'd be done with our party pit project.  I wasn't accounting for the remaining month of school to fry my brain however, so the only thing that has happened up to this point, has been a small painting party in my garage of these wood Adirondack chairs for around the relocated campfire pit.  Stay tuned for more details and such.   
 Can I just say... I am living for my 2 o'clock iced coffee at this point.  I think it might be the only reason I can remember to bring the water and goldfish after school snacks to my children's end of the day roundup.  I followed Pioneer woman's iced coffee making directions and it's definitely worth it to make it that way.  It is a cold-brew method and tastes very smooth.  Velvety and refreshing over ice in the calm-before-the-storm afternoons.
 Ah... I think I have finally convinced Mr. Brodeur for a bit of a soothing change in our master bedroom...I loved this yellow and gray quilt from Ballard Design so much that I couldn't part with it, but it transferred beautifully into our guest bedroom and now our master is slowly becoming a more calming color palette, which thankfully, the wall color works perfectly for, and will not need changing because there is no scenario on earth where I've got time for painting a room a new color right now.

I felt desperate for a calming change.... It wasn't needed of course, just something in me longed for it.  It could be all the end of school forms, the permission slips, the overdue payments for lunches, the lost library books and the, "Mom I need to bring three bags of chips to school for the party THIS MORNING!!" type of moments. 

Three weeks... three weeks... I can do it. 
 Regardless, I did a deep clean on my kitchen the other day, (bike painting was a $14 grocery store splurge) where I literally stripped every item off my counters, and cleaned every ledge, crack, tile and surface til it sparkled, then I put things back and breathed deeply.  I had to kind of do the same thing to my heart.  Spring has been bumpy... I'm ready for summer.  In case you hadn't picked up on that yet. (grin)
 Life just takes work, doesn't it?  I joke about school and how done I am, but I think my kids and husband are feeling that way too.  Everyone is fighting and short tempered these days, and I've been over-worrying about the cranky, off-feelings in my marriage and with my kids.  There are so many outside factors trying to work their way in and weigh us all down.  Each day has enough worry of it's own and I find myself adding so much on even though I know better. It robs me of my peace and my sleep and slowly strangles my relationships. 

At the end of the day, paging through what we have right now, the fact that we made it to that hour, finding a way to sift through the worries and grasp onto that thankful moment, wherever it is, has been key.  I need to do a better job of it myself... that being thankful in the midst of frustration and hurts always makes a difference.  Laying it down and relying on God to carry us through each circumstance is the goal.  Right now, I am thankful for seasons.  Thankful that they don't last forever.  Thankful that He oversees all the details. 

Holding onto that.  How about you? 

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13 comments:

  1. yoga is better than running for stress release...just saying ;)

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  3. girl, I feel you. I recently celebrated two graduations within a two week span for two of my daughters...so dinners, decorations and guests! It all turned out beautifully tho. The good Lord blessed in so many ways.
    Just do today! :-)

    ...your photos are the best still.

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  4. Girl I am sending prayers your way for some peace and strength! I know you will be fine but I also know that thin line between keeping it together and totally loosing it! Many days I feel that same way, adding in the blog thing that has been haunting me lately.....LOL Sister hang in there and I pray for some peace. ~Hugs~

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  5. I don't want to tell you how many days because we're almost there BUT you should see me try to be at an eighth grade promotion and fourth grade awards assembly happening an hour apart with a father in law in tow that better stay close or he could potentially get lost. Not funny but true story. All this goes down tomorrow so throw some prayers my way and I promise to do the same as the summer inches closer and closer. It just needs to get here already. Enough! Thanks for the venting session--now off to an ortho appointment: )

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  6. Amen to it all! I'm over it too! I totally get the teenage hormones too!!! Just because school is ending soon doesn't mean a break though. We have graduations and birthdays and so much planned, I may be longing for September before I know it! Lol I think we all feel overwhelmed this time of the year. Many blessings to you and enjoy your summer!!!

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  7. You've got this!! Praying for peace in your mind and peace in your heart for these next few days and weeks. I'm in the South and we've been done with school a couple of weeks now...Praise the Lord!!

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  8. Oh, I am sooooo right there with you!! Praying that we both make it (and then survive the hormones while they're at home all summer!) :-P

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  9. Oh, I am sooooo right there with you!! Praying that we both make it (and then survive the hormones while they're at home all summer!) :-P

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  10. Sasha, if anyone can do it you can : )
    So facts aside...is Moby Dick a good novel (a classic obvs - but would you read it)? And what a beautiful photograph of Ava.

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  11. School is over for us but it begins the beginning of August again. I miss the days of old when we got out the first week of June and didn't return until the day after Labor Day. I think families need that down time together. The rush of getting multiple kids to their activities is a stress builder as well. And you are smack dab in the middle of it. I can tell you from experience that it does get better. It gets easier. I promise.

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  12. You can do it!! I'm a single mom with no help, now down to just my youngest (13yo boy) to run around. And he plays select soccer and select basketball!! Never an idle moment and my house stays a mess, but it's all worth it. ;)

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