This past week I've been doing hard things.
Well, actually, I started doing a few hard things last week and it's only this week, with trying, figuring past mistakes out, persevering and consistency that I'm starting to actually feel like they are (and will) pay off in the end. It made me think about how easily I bail on things that are hard, these days. I want to blame this incredibly busy stage of life I'm in but I think the only way a person can move forward is by facing the hard thing head-on and just going through it until the end is reached, regardless the many excuses one can list off, right?
Well, at least that's how it's been for me lately. I get all worked up over some of the hard things I'm about to do before I even begin them, thinking they will be awful or I'll fail in some capacity. I know it's mostly in my head but it definitely holds me back and then time passes anyway and I'm still in that same spot. This year has been all about me conquering my fears and stepping out of the box...and I'm not gonna lie, it's been hard at times. I've been in a weird place with my faith, knowing that God can do wonderful things as I face these hard things and try, and hope and reach... but then there's also this odd feeling place where I'm pretty sure that I consistently bark up the wrong tree to begin with, so God's "no's" are simply because of my misguided-ness, which then places me back squarely into the box with my hands over my ears saying, "Nope. Not gonna try, not gonna ask, just gonna sit here and be mad." Does that make sense at all to you?
Today, I realized that when I do that, it's pretty much the adult equivalent of a toddler fit.
Right now, Adrain and I are dying for community and we've been through small group fail after small group fail over the past 20 years so we're not a part of one right now and it stinks! It's become a very hard thing in our minds because we feel like maybe we just don't "fit." Up to this point, we haven't. One hard thing we've been discussing is that we've got to at least try. Again. And have a little faith that God knows what we need. So hard to do that when you're sitting in the box throwing a toddler fit because you've been told "no" way too many times and you just want one stinking YES already.
One (frivolous-ish) brave thing I did personally this past month, was tackle Photoshop Elements. I'm not an expert in the least, but I've finally figured out some things that were so hard a year ago, that I simply walked away and didn't try again for a year! What is that all about? See how easy it is to do that?